Yes, I think it is an important time for self reflection.
We are in the situation that our local state school are real DIRE, I am talking special measure, notice to improve levels of dire. Sadly because the only decent non selective school around here is a Catholic one, my daughter doesn't stand any chance of getting in anyway.
We had always talked about moving to Devon, and we knew that we didn't want our daughter to be sent to a secondary, only to move her mid phase.
Therefore we made the decision to put her in for the entrance exam for a wonderful school in Devon. We have decided to move in the summer this year. IF she has got in, then she is sorted. If she hasn't I am going to take my children and rent down there until my husband can get a job down there.
So here we are - a week away. I have made myself sick with worry. It didn't help that she came out of the maths exam and burst into tears saying it was too hard!!! She was a level 5 last year in maths at school, so I have no idea whether or not she is over reacting to maybe one or two questions that were tricky, or whether she just isn't suited to a selective education. What I do know is that it has totally consumed my life for the last 6 months and it makes me quite angry with myself to be honest.
When I see the pain and anguish of parents in Hati, and you hear stories about children losing their fight with terminal illnesses and God knows what other awful things, I feel shallow and pathetic for being so stressed and overwhelmed by which bloomin school my daughter gets given!!
I did not choose the school for their results, I chose it because of its ethos and discipline. Our local school is full of thugs, and my daughter still loves Lego. Bad times!
But we know that we are moving anyway, but if she doesn't get in then the whole stress of going to the LA down there with a rental agreement to prove address, and putting ourselves at their mercy will be the next thing. However, I keep telling myself that it is just a school, and they are all preferable to the option we would have if we stayed...so it is all good!!
I know I am certainly more bothered than she is, lol. I have found out that I will get told by email sometime after 4pm on the 1st. To be honest I am dreading it. My brother in law also finds out on the same day if he has passed his GP exam, and my sister said we could have a double celebration IF they both pass. I am thinking he has a very very good chance, and it would be a massive shock if he didnt pass - whereas my daughter it is much more 50/50. I feel selfish, but I can't say I will feel like celebrating if I am gutted for my daughter. I also don't want to buy a cake and whatever because I don't want to jinx it!
I feel like I just want to be on my own to digest the news, probably have a cry either way and compose myself. But the children will be at home, and if she doesn't get in then I don't want her to see me get upset because she will think it is her fault. Argh.
I have got to the point of thinking how wonderful she is and if they think she isn't good enough then they are missing out! She hasn't had private tuition week in week out, she is impecably behaved, so their loss. Ha ha. I am hoping that attitude will carry me through despair if need be. However, if she has got in I will sqeual with delight and flip out and no doubt all the worry would be forgotten.
Whatever happens I am so proud of her. Her determination, attitude, confidence and willingness to work hard will make her successful no matter what. She will always be a inspiration to me, because at her age I would have probably said I didn't want to do it. I was a lazy so and so.