Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
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Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
Its over a week and my DS is still getting upset over not getting his first choice by one point.
We have had number of conversation with him and told him many times how proud we are.
He was so happy the minute he found out he got in grammar school. And everything changed when he came back from school.
Anyone who is in same situation as me please advise me and help me how and what else can i do to help him get over this. He is very emotional and sensitive. Want him to be happy and proud.
We have had number of conversation with him and told him many times how proud we are.
He was so happy the minute he found out he got in grammar school. And everything changed when he came back from school.
Anyone who is in same situation as me please advise me and help me how and what else can i do to help him get over this. He is very emotional and sensitive. Want him to be happy and proud.
Last edited by busybees on Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
Dear Busybees
I really do empathise with you; I am not in the same predicament, but thought I’d write a message of support.
Well, firstly many congratulation for you DS on obtaining a place at a grammar school – needless to point out that it was in face of intense competition. The fact remains – as ever I stand to be corrected- and it is my opinion that I believe that a child at any grammar school stands to thrive and benefit enormously from a system that will nurture the raw talent that child has. In terms of league tables then after much checking there isn’t a huge disparity between the grammar schools and any debate about which is better vis-à-vis A Level scores etc. is somewhat academic. In view of this do remind your son that he has done incredibly well to get in and I am sure we all wish him a very bright future indeed.
I really do empathise with you; I am not in the same predicament, but thought I’d write a message of support.
Well, firstly many congratulation for you DS on obtaining a place at a grammar school – needless to point out that it was in face of intense competition. The fact remains – as ever I stand to be corrected- and it is my opinion that I believe that a child at any grammar school stands to thrive and benefit enormously from a system that will nurture the raw talent that child has. In terms of league tables then after much checking there isn’t a huge disparity between the grammar schools and any debate about which is better vis-à-vis A Level scores etc. is somewhat academic. In view of this do remind your son that he has done incredibly well to get in and I am sure we all wish him a very bright future indeed.
best regards
Farooq
(In the field of observation, chance favors the prepared mind. Louis Pasteur)
Farooq
(In the field of observation, chance favors the prepared mind. Louis Pasteur)
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DIY Mum
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Re: Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
Busybees, it's early days yet and his feelings are still raw.
We were in a similar situation last year with ds2 who missed out on his 1st choice KECHB by a couple of points and attained his 2nd choice, KEA instead.
One of the reasons why he was so upset was because he got to spend many weekends at KECHB as part of his primary school's G&T programme during Y5/6. Because he was so familiar with the school (his eldest brother is a pupil there) and he really enjoyed his special sessions at KECHB; he genuinely wished to go there.
Yes, he was also upset that 3 of his best friends (also high achievers) won a place there and that there was no one that he knew who would be going to KEA. But the more he learnt about KEA through ds1 (who would go on about how jealous he was of KEA's football team, great use of external facilities and how KEA was his first choice!), the more he liked the sound of KEA.
Also, knowing that some of his friends didn't make any grammar school made him appreciate how fortunate he truly was.
Ds2 is now in Y7 and without a doubt, he is very happy there. He has a great set of friends and academically, he's at the top. Teachers have commented upon his leadership skills and that he has the makings of a future Head boy!
You'll see that once your ds starts KEFW, he'll love it. Just encourage him to enjoy and celebrate what he has achieved so far.
We were in a similar situation last year with ds2 who missed out on his 1st choice KECHB by a couple of points and attained his 2nd choice, KEA instead.
One of the reasons why he was so upset was because he got to spend many weekends at KECHB as part of his primary school's G&T programme during Y5/6. Because he was so familiar with the school (his eldest brother is a pupil there) and he really enjoyed his special sessions at KECHB; he genuinely wished to go there.
Yes, he was also upset that 3 of his best friends (also high achievers) won a place there and that there was no one that he knew who would be going to KEA. But the more he learnt about KEA through ds1 (who would go on about how jealous he was of KEA's football team, great use of external facilities and how KEA was his first choice!), the more he liked the sound of KEA.
Also, knowing that some of his friends didn't make any grammar school made him appreciate how fortunate he truly was.
Ds2 is now in Y7 and without a doubt, he is very happy there. He has a great set of friends and academically, he's at the top. Teachers have commented upon his leadership skills and that he has the makings of a future Head boy!
You'll see that once your ds starts KEFW, he'll love it. Just encourage him to enjoy and celebrate what he has achieved so far.
Re: Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
Hello Busybees
Our DS did not get his first choice GS (which was for a Warks GS) but was offered a place at KEFW (which I think I have read some of your previous posts and is maybe where your own DS was offered??)
We had used the build up to the results to reiterate the outcome did not matter, we would make sure he went to a good school whatever happened (these were brave confident words and did not express how I was really feeling!) and the disappointment was clear when the results finally came through. We acted as though this was the most wonderful outcome, which it was as FW is obviously a fantastic school, but as our DD already attends his first choice school, the anxiety of going to a school some distance away where he knows not a soul, and the logistics for us of getting them both there remain.
We contacted FW to ask for a visit and were able to go last week although they were only generally offering this to those with 2 offers from KE and an independent for decision making. This didn't apply to us but we explained we needed to decide whether to appeal for our 1st choice school and a visit would help us to decide.
He has been much more positive about going there since then. He really liked what he saw and I feel he will settle there fine, once those first few days of unfamiliarity are over. We have taken every opportunity to 'big up' Five Ways, pointing out its many attributes when any chance arises (and often, even when the chance doesn't....)
For our DS, the worry over his friends going to a different school seems to be an understandably overwhelming factor and I am hoping that our confident approach to FW being a great outcome will help to override his anxieties. He is excited about going now and I will be doing all I can to build on this enthusiasm.
Good luck - I'm sure ultimately your DS will be happy and settled in whatever school he attends.
Our DS did not get his first choice GS (which was for a Warks GS) but was offered a place at KEFW (which I think I have read some of your previous posts and is maybe where your own DS was offered??)
We had used the build up to the results to reiterate the outcome did not matter, we would make sure he went to a good school whatever happened (these were brave confident words and did not express how I was really feeling!) and the disappointment was clear when the results finally came through. We acted as though this was the most wonderful outcome, which it was as FW is obviously a fantastic school, but as our DD already attends his first choice school, the anxiety of going to a school some distance away where he knows not a soul, and the logistics for us of getting them both there remain.
We contacted FW to ask for a visit and were able to go last week although they were only generally offering this to those with 2 offers from KE and an independent for decision making. This didn't apply to us but we explained we needed to decide whether to appeal for our 1st choice school and a visit would help us to decide.
He has been much more positive about going there since then. He really liked what he saw and I feel he will settle there fine, once those first few days of unfamiliarity are over. We have taken every opportunity to 'big up' Five Ways, pointing out its many attributes when any chance arises (and often, even when the chance doesn't....)
For our DS, the worry over his friends going to a different school seems to be an understandably overwhelming factor and I am hoping that our confident approach to FW being a great outcome will help to override his anxieties. He is excited about going now and I will be doing all I can to build on this enthusiasm.
Good luck - I'm sure ultimately your DS will be happy and settled in whatever school he attends.
Re: Help- DS still upset over not getting his first choice!
Thank you Farooq, DIY mum and CEA100.
@CEA100
We are in very similar situation. DS is upset as his friends are going to CH and we hav shown lots of proud in him gtting into the GS. With time he will start looking forward to the new school.
It is very soon for him so hopefully once he start the school and i am sure he will make lots of nw friends too. We do have a little chats when he gets upset and tell him that it does not matter where his friends are he can still stay in touch and also we do like FW a lot so he should feel proud in getting in one of the best school.
I have been telling lots of things about FW and have also asked him to read about the school so he feels better. I do not think school bothers him its only missing out by one point and missing his friends. It is going to be little distance for us too but he will adjust to that soon.
Once again thank you all very much and CEA100 we may see you at FW.
@CEA100
We are in very similar situation. DS is upset as his friends are going to CH and we hav shown lots of proud in him gtting into the GS. With time he will start looking forward to the new school.
It is very soon for him so hopefully once he start the school and i am sure he will make lots of nw friends too. We do have a little chats when he gets upset and tell him that it does not matter where his friends are he can still stay in touch and also we do like FW a lot so he should feel proud in getting in one of the best school.
I have been telling lots of things about FW and have also asked him to read about the school so he feels better. I do not think school bothers him its only missing out by one point and missing his friends. It is going to be little distance for us too but he will adjust to that soon.
Once again thank you all very much and CEA100 we may see you at FW.
