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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:39 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:58 pm
Posts: 229
Hi
Has anyone gone through the applying for grammar, getting a good enough mark to get in and then decided not to accept the place and go to a state secondary school instead?
I have twin boys and one has enough marks for our local grammar.
The one who "passed" doesn't really want to go, the main reason being it is a single sex school.
The local secondary school is an average school with a good reputation.
I am in a right muddle, and the fact I have twins I feel makes it more difficult.
I don't want the one who has enough marks to regret in the future not taking this opportunity.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:56 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
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I do know a few families who have chosen to send their children to an Upper school (secondary modern - we don't have comprehensives in Bucks) rather than the local Grammars.

Reasons were varied but all students have done well and gone on to university. I would look at the data for how many A/A*s the more able get to ensure they will be challenged.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 2:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 4:19 pm
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I wonder how much of this is because they are twins? Can you try to ignore the fact he is a twin and see what he wants to do on his own merit?

I too have twins. :D :D Mine are girls and we all went to see the GS in July and one wanted to try for it, the other didn't. No idea if the one who sat her 11 plus yesterday will get in, so we shall have many bridges to cross.

I do know people whose children have sat GS, got in then not gone, but only to indies, not local comp. But we may yet end up being those people.

Ultimately, for me it's a gut-reaction thing. I would ask my DC when he decided not to go to the grammar (because presumably he wanted to go at one point? For him to sit the exam?). Did he sit it for himself, to please his parents? What's changed. GS isn't for every child, neither is a local comp. It's so subjective. I wouldn't take a place in a GS just because I got it, but I wouldn't turn it down lightly, either.

Good luck. Not an easy decision but I bet you will come to the right one eventually.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 4:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
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Location: Herts
This is a one way street. I would take the place and then if he does not like it he can move. But if he does not take the place and then regrets it the option will not exist to get a place as someone else will have been glad to take it. I know adults who blame their parents for letting them choose their secondary school. They say that they were ten years old , what did they know? I would not let a ten year old choose. Every year at our secondary school I hear that siblings don't want to take the place, they want to go to the local school with their friends. Every year they take the place and then flourish. Not a single parent has allowed a sibling to choose not to go. Not a single sibling has moved after taking the place. DG


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 6:52 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 8:25 pm
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I also knew somebody who sent her daughter to do the grammar test, she passed, eventually she didn't send her there, but to the (very good) local comp. instead. I don't know whether she's just wanted to know if her daughter is smart enough to pass, or she changed her mind. When she told me this, her daughter was in a very strong 6th form school.

Personally I would never turn down a grammar offer.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 5:50 pm
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The twin who passed can accept the place, and try the school. If he decides he doesn't like it, then he can join his brother at the local comp. Much better than having regrets which he might choose to carry with him for the rest of his life, and you may have to shoulder the blame for his missed opportunity.

How close are the twins? If they are inseparable then you might make your choice on that basis


I know of twins in a similar situation where the sibling who got the GS place joined her sister at the local school which turned out to be a big mistake.

The girls I speak of aren't even friends and they are constantly bickering. Which makes their parent's ( the pa) decision to send them to the same school all the more baffling.

Another consideration is the commute - will you be dropping them off?


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 8:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
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Location: Reading
I'm told that there is a twin in the year below DD, those twin didn't want to go to GS and didn't even take the exam.

They maybe twins, but it doesn't mean that the same school is the right school for both of them.

Even if they are close, likely the school will split them as much as possible, so they will possibly not even see each other at school.


You know them and the schools. However if the one who has passed for GS decides later he did want to go to GS, he won't have that option (not easily anyway). If he starts at the GS then the option to join his brother, or any other comp for that matter is much easier.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 9:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:59 am
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Location: N London
I know of twins - one passed for gs last year and one did not. After much agonising one has gone to gs and one to local comp but the parents decided not the children - indeed the children want you to make the decision, they know they don't want that responsibility. I'm sure your two are very different in many ways and maybe different schools will be good for them. They will still have each other to come home to.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 9:26 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
onebigdilemma wrote:
Hi
Has anyone gone through the applying for grammar, getting a good enough mark to get in and then decided not to accept the place and go to a state secondary school instead?
I have twin boys and one has enough marks for our local grammar.
The one who "passed" doesn't really want to go, the main reason being it is a single sex school.
The local secondary school is an average school with a good reputation.
I am in a right muddle, and the fact I have twins I feel makes it more difficult.
I don't want the one who has enough marks to regret in the future not taking this opportunity.


Have you compared the GCSE results of both schools for the high achievers - the children who go in on level 5? It might help crystallise your thoughts in either direction. And as G55 says, the A/A* data for the top achievers - you might have to get this latter information from the school as it is not in the DfE performance cata.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 10:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:58 pm
Posts: 229
Thank you for all your replies. I know I can't let a 10 year old make the decision. I think if it wasn't single sex grammar I would not be finding the decision so difficult. My boys are both confident and have not expressed any anxiety about going to separate schools.


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