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 Post subject: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:10 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:44 am
Posts: 1425
Can I ask people's advice opinion on a serious note.

My DD regularly comes home quite emotional. Sometimes it is the same lad that decides to have a pop, usually by calling her a lesbian or some other equally charged name. We have never complained about said lad unless he is physically kicking, but that stopped around yr 3.

Since year 5 the relationship between girls have become really quite nasty, but never violent. In fact girls seem to be both nastier and singularly more persistent, in the nature of being nasty. Boys seem too just be nasty to a point and call girls say an ugly cow or a fat pig vs girls that seem lower level but persistent over much longer periods of time.

They do have people at the school, but when we have spoken with them they are usually ineffective.

I kind of like the way DD2 deals with any such nonsense. She tend to go route 1 and smack em in them mouth, including anyone bothering big sister, but that's a whole another headache, which we have solved, but never got fully to grips with DD1, situation.

What would you do. DD1 is considered very mature, hence having represented school at various secondaries since yr3.

Should I smell the coffee beans, because this is about to ramp up another gear from year 7 onwards.

Sometimes hard to get perspective on a long standing issue


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:00 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 14, 2013 9:14 am
Posts: 1186
Sorry to hear of this pp :(
Unfortunately this type of behaviour is VERY prevalent in schools particularly in year 6 I've found- hormones, exam stress etc.
It's happening at my ds's school - thankfully my ds keeps out of it.
Rest assured it doesn't happen an awful lot at the KE schools as far as I can tell.
Good luck


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2014 2:28 pm
Posts: 194
Sorry to hear that PP.

If your DC is not happy it can impact them in so ways, when my children start acting out of the norm whilst at home i can always sense something is not right. 9 times out of 10 it is due to something that happened at school.

These sorts of issues have to be addressed and you must persist until something is done.
Some schools do handle it better than others.
I hope you can sort it out, this is the last thing your DD needs, however these issues unfortunately will crop up as these kids "find" themselves.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:34 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:44 am
Posts: 1425
Useful perspective. Garden pea is going up to have a chat. I recognise what your saying about blowing up out of the blue, and it usually being something that's gone on during the day.

KEHGS seem to have a brilliant buddy system, but hopefully WGHS.

One of the things that is unfortunate about 11+ is that it divides those into those that are succeeding and those, not. There has been a significant uptick in bullying behaviours over last few weeks. I really think DD needs to "woman up" and handle things a bit better. When you look beyond the digs and behaviours, a lot of what is going on is other girls trying to reassert their value and place in the world. Some are doing it using colour, others perceived prettyness.

The truth is the very best schools build pupils self confidence, regardless of arbitrary exterior characteristics. The reality though I guess was epitomised by the man who went on radio wm, for the 11+ discussion on walsall results day and said 11+ doesn't matter as the ugly ones will always do worse. :evil: :evil:


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:58 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:59 am
Posts: 3579
Unfortunately this type of bitching will continue throughout school and into the office.
The main thing to watch out for is any notion of cyber bullying, any snap chat, instagram, Skype comments and photos that tease or berate other girls or boys must be stamped out immediately.
Your daughter will be attending a carefully scheduled series of talks on growing up and social interaction and internet safety in year 6. Ask your daughter's teachers about them and the opportunity for children to discuss things that are bothering them either during carpet time or separately.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:32 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:44 am
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Cheers. Yep they just did one of those growing up things.

The internet thing is an interesting one cos we limit that, but we will get her phone for yr7. Some of the girls have been going on about seven sisters. God they got tons of time to be filling their heads with rubbish yet. Old dino like me did not know such channels existed till last night.


I remain ambivalent about 11+ I see lots of examples where parents seem to deserve better from the process. Combined with other example's where you inevitably get snobbish and think thank heavens my DD will be away from the orbit and influence in just a couple of terms.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2013 3:58 pm
Posts: 229
In year 1 my boys said to me "Why when boys fall out they are playing football again together at lunchtime but when girls fall out they don't talk to each other for days"

I was amazed at the time the differences between girls and boys relationships and how they had picked up on this at such a young age!!

Sorry your daughter is going through this, it does seem particularly bad and not good that school seem unable to deal with it effectively. There are still 10 months left of year 6 which is a long time if you are having troubles at school. If your DD is waking in the night due to the problems school should take it more seriously.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:44 am
Posts: 488
Both DDs now in Seniors and all good but in primary we seemed to have lots of bedtime chats about this stuff. We called them "life lessons" and I told them this was just as important as learning maths or English. We would talk about stuff that had happened to them and their friends, how they felt, how they could have handled things better etc.
Having said that when DD1 was in year 5 there was a very persistent boy who carried on being horrible no matter what tack we tried. I wrote a letter to the class teacher with a copy to the head detailing what had happened, saying what we had done to try and stop it, but stressing it had now gone on too long and I expected it to be dealt with. The boy in question was taken to one side, admitted everything and never did it again. I think we were lucky, but would definitely recommend putting concerns in writing.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 1:19 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:44 am
Posts: 1425
I would say to parents don't underestimate the huge impact the Support team can have in a school.

Often teachers won't be communicating with support staff and support staff will often not be communicating with teachers.

I don't have enough exposure or experience, but I would say be on your guard for a poorly performing support team.


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 Post subject: Re: Bullying
PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 7:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:59 am
Posts: 3579
Petitpois wrote:
I would say to parents don't underestimate the huge impact the Support team can have in a school.

Often teachers won't be communicating with support staff and support staff will often not be communicating with teachers.

I don't have enough exposure or experience, but I would say be on your guard for a poorly performing support team.


To be fair to both teachers and support staff, unless parents of both parties are willing to co-operate it's a near impossible task to expect of someone who has thirty or more other children to care for daily to change an individual's way of acting and thinking if the message is not reinforced at home,,all they can do is reinforce the school policy on bullying and reinforce how to deal with bullies, unless of course things get physical and the bully has,to be isolated. Time and time again parents are stuck in denial mode and will not help in a positive way.


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