Go to navigation
It is currently Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:06 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:19 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2009 6:19 pm
Posts: 517
Location: bucks
This story is inspired by the outrageous state of affairs where a child can get over 91% in an exam and "fail".

There once was a land far away where it was decided that children who were tall would be sent to a school for tall kids and those that were short would be sent to a school for short people as you could save money on chair and table legs and smaller doors in the short people schools.

This was initially rolled out across the whole country but after a few years a government of short people got in power and said 'this isn't fair' and made most of the country revert to all size schools. However a few areas retained the short school, tall school system.

It was decided by the government that the measuring of the height of kids in year six would need to be fair and so a standard ruler would be made centrally that would then be sent to all schools who still had the height selective system. So they got few thousand kids from around the country and measured them all and nearly all of them were under 80cm with an average height of about 40cm. Great they said and went to the great ruler makers (Northern Fabricators and Engineeers of Rulers) or NFER for short who made a standard ruler 80cm in length and it was decided that children who were in the top 30% by height ie 1.3 sd above the mean or about 60-65 cm would be sent to tall schools.

This was fine but then the parents of children in these selective areas decided that they wanted the tallest education for their kids and so they started stretching them from about 6 months or so before the measurement day some of them even sent their kids to profesional stretchers who had fancy methods, this had the result that the children in these areas got really tall. This was denied by the government who declared that there was no proven benefit in stretching and so wasn't worth doing. However a strange thing started happening to the results of the measurement the average height of the children started rising until more and more children were starting to be too tall for the rulers and it was getting more and more difficult to fit 1.3 sd's onto the ruler, the NFER people said to the government maybe we need longer rulers? ridiculous said the government there must be something wrong with the rulers, so NFER altered their ruler in a clever way up to the 65-70cm mark the distance between each mark was 1cm but after 70cm the distance between each number was a bit bigger between 70 and 71 it was maybe 1.2 cm and between 73 and 74 it was 2 cm and and increased until between 79 and 80 it was about 20cm. But it was still called an 80cm ruler it was just that a cm was redefined between 70 and 80. The problem with this was that the height of the children was always rounded down so if you reached the 73 cm mark but were not quite tall enough to reach the 74 mark even though you were actually nearly 2cm taller than 73 you would be called 73 which was actually the 1.3 sd place and were chosen for small school.

Everyone at the popular ruler forum were outraged by this rediculous ruler situation and took to the streets and protested and battled with the government who finally capitulated and made a new set of 100cm rulers and everyone lived happily ever after.

Any resemblance to real countries, or companies or goverments , living or dead is purely coincidental


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:19 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
Excellent. Except I would have missed out on a GS place.
However, I would appeal on the grounds that, had the egg not divided when I was in utero, I would have been twice the height!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 5:36 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
Posts: 6962
Location: East Kent
:lol: :lol:

Love it!

I would have made it at 11, but as I failed to grow even a measly inch since I would not qualify today..


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 7:16 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
:lol: :lol:
Great story tree. I'd love to see your thoughts on information that appeals panels liked too see in small tall world to back up non-qualification appeals - stuff on relevant extenuating circumstances at the time of measuring, and blurb about how to show future growth potential.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 7:54 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8112
splendid - reminds me of years ago when THE GOODIES did a programme on Apart- Height.. When little Bill Oddie couldn't go where his taller colleagues could and the world was divided into Lil'uns and Big'uns.....

I remain your most vertically challenged crumbly,

herman


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:15 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
Absolutely fabulous :D


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:40 am 
Offline

Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:45 pm
Posts: 314
lovely to start a day chuckling Thankyou :D :D


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:49 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:42 pm
Posts: 1
Brilliant!
I can see a new type of advert for 11+ tuition appearing - a little boy 'before' and 'after' professional stretching, with a stamp saying ''I've been professionally stretched" and mum with wads of 'bucks' saying "I've been perpetually stressed"!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:03 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:33 pm
Posts: 310
Location: Bucks
Tree wrote:
(Northern Fabricators and Engineeers of Rulers) or NFER for short
Now Granada Length Assessments, or GLA for short? They are also the producers of the "official" practice stretching exercises (no possible conflict of interest there then!) according to their advert on the popular ruler forum...


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:39 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jun 04, 2007 3:40 pm
Posts: 359
Location: Chiltern District, Bucks
Meanwhile back in most of the country where they had all size schools.....

After consecutive governments dominated by short people, shorties among the electorate couldn't help noticing that billions and billions of pounds were being thrown at the all-size school system and yet performance was slipping (or rather plummeting) down the OECD's international league tables. And all the while, the new monsters of "postcode lottery" and "grade inflation" seemed to be growing in stature and terrorising people with names like Fiona Millar.

A tall person then got into power and suggested that perhaps - shock horror - central government doesn't actually know how to run an education system and a diversity of local approaches should be encouraged. Short systems, tall systems, and hybrid systems were allowed to bloom....and even systems based on merit were also allowed. Bucks, which had attempted (in its own ham-fisted way) running a merit-based system, started to look 'ahead' of other regions of the UK.

Naturally the cartel of short teachers weren't happy about these developments but as they had been cheerleaders for a country-wide system now widely seen as an abject failure, they were eventually marginalised by all right-thinking people.

And we all lived happily ever after.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
CALL 020 8204 5060
   
Privacy Policy | Refund Policy | Disclaimer | Copyright © 2004 – 2016