Playground politics......:(

[kittymum]

Shame on the parents, as it's a fair assumption that the kids will be modelling their behaviour!

My children are at a very small school and I've been so thrilled at the maturity the children have shown - those with good news considering the feelings of those who may have had less good news and those with bad news being genuinely delighted for those who have qualified.

Well done to your daughter and it sounds like she has behaved admirably. Agree the teacher should put a stop to this.

[HertsQuery]

Hard as this may seem at the time, your lovely daughter will have learnt a sad but important lesson about friendship from this week. There are those friends that offer unconditional love and support in life, and there are those that are only in the friendship for selfish reasons. You can be justly proud of the maturity she has shown in a very difficult situation.

[Bam]

Thanks you for your support.

She's come home today a little happier. I wish the school would make a little more fuss over her passing. I feel that they are making allowances for the children that didn't pass and hushing up my daughters success!!
Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to make anyone unhappy but I want my daughter to be praised. I know that as parents we can do that but children love to hear nice things from their peers and teachers.

Today one mother actually blatantly ignored me which was not an easy thing to do considering there were only three of us talking in a little crowd!!

I need to grow a stronger backbone..

[Tinkers]

There's no reason why a teacher can't say well done. If they want to make allowances for other children, there's no reason why they can't say it privately to your DD.

My DDs teacher said well done to her and her friend in the playground on the day of the result. There were no other children nearby at the time. No me on of it on the classroom by the teacher. Other teachers mentioned it in passing to her over the weeks.

And remember, when others are horrible or ignore you, it's not about you, it's about them.

[11plusmummy]

I think it is a shame that teachers cannot congratulate those that qualified.

We live in Bucks and my dd attends a small state school where there are only two classes in year 6. About 10% passed, so about 5/6 children in total.

My dd was one of the children who did, but not one teacher said well done. Luckily she has not had any nastiness from any other children which I was worrying about as she may have been the only girl in her year to qualify.

I can understand that the teachers do no want to upset the other children, but I am sure her class teacher could have quietly said well done when no-one else was around.

[scary mum]

Maybe they don't know?

[LeprechaunQueen]

Today one mother actually blatantly ignored me which was not an easy thing to do considering there were only three of us talking in a little crowd!!

I am sorry you are being treated like this. But having been both sides of the fence with my children I do know it is possible to underestimate how very sad some parents can feel about all this. They may not be able to raise a smile just yet. (I haven't managed it with everyone, and there are several I know really well and am genuinely pleased for...) Also from the other side I was wary of asking people in case they thought I just wanted to tell them my son's result. I never thought that could be felt as stand offish but I now see it easily could have come across that way.

It's stupid, I know. Hope you and all the children concerned can rebuild these friendships soon.

[Jpk]

and without condoning the behaviour....it is sometimes hard to remember the children involved may still only be 10 years old.....it could be their first major disappointment in life and in line with the previous correspondent, it may just be too soon for unsuccessful parents as they worry about their children. We all have dreams for our children......and want the best for them, even if we dont always know what the best is....

[Louismum]

I think you ought to put this to the back of your mind and only worry about this if it continues into next week.

As others have said, the girls are very young, and they might well have been told not to discuss the 11 plus with others. Plus I think the pain will still be too raw for many parents with children who haven't passed. FWIW, my daughter did pass but my best friend's daughter didn't. My friend is still absolutely gutted and has found it hard to talk to me about it. I really would not have wanted her to have gone through the pain of effusively congratulating my daughter on Monday morning in the playground.... She is starting to come round as she makes plans for a review, so you may well find that the other mums' heads are in a better place with a bit of time.

[Bam]

Thanks.

I think you're right. I need to take a step back and I'm sure it will blow over by next week. I would have loved for everyone to pass and I can imagine how it would feel from the parents and child's point of view.

I do think the school should have addressed the 11 plus results and not hushed it up like a big secret as that's where the problems begin. My daughter is almost ashamed of passing and that is not right.

Lets hope this time next week that I've made a fuss of nothing, however I won't forget how they've made my daughter feel and how they've made me feel. That's just the truth.