Year 7 and struggling
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laid back son worried mum
- Posts: 4083
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 1:18 am
bucksmom, you don't know how much that means to me! 
you are helping me more than I'm helping you.
I'11 have to come back here to let off steam!
Thanks a mi11ion!
I'm always getting told that I am completely wrong..about the effects of brutal bl**dy computer games on young minds, the nece55ity of wearing gloves,hat and coat in the depths of winter, the importance of eating breakfast, how chocolate is not rea11y a mind food etc etc etclaid back son worried mum
thanks - i suspect you are completely right!
you are helping me more than I'm helping you.
I'11 have to come back here to let off steam!
Thanks a mi11ion!
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bucksmom
year 7 and struggling
yes they are still kids - i think the world expects them to grow up too fast.
when do they have time to play?
its just continual pressure. we are made to feel that if we dont follow suit that our child will not be good enough.
when do they have time to play?
its just continual pressure. we are made to feel that if we dont follow suit that our child will not be good enough.
I try very hard not to put pressure on my year 7 daughter - although I'm sure I do. One thing we try to do is to get ALL homework done my Saturday evening - Saturday lunchtime if possible. That way, she has all on Sunday to do anything (or nothing) she wants. The weeks we've managed this have been brilliant - and we're getting better at it - she gets up on Saturday morning and gets down to it, firdt making a list of EVERYTHING that needs doing so that she can have the satisfaction of crossing things off.
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Melx
Dear Bucks Mum
It sounds to me that perhaps your son has taken all of those negative comments to heart and it's not that he doesn't care it's just he doesn't know where to start to get better, if that makes sense.
My son started at a local Grammar school in 2006. He got very good grades on his first and second grade card, did his homework on time with much effort. Then last Spring at 'Parents Evening' we got his 3rd grade card which suddenly showed a very different picture. He had some poor comments, lower grades and several homeworks missing. We were really upset as up until this point he had been doing so well and we were looking forward to meeting his tutors. I guess both he and us had become complacent and although he must of known he wasn't doing as well he just went along with it, thank goodness for the grade cards! Anyway initially we were upset and I admit a little angry but that changed when we saw how upset he was and he was. We realised that his confidence had been knocked which was what was effecting his work.
We decided right away to put it down to experience and start afresh.
We reassured him how clever we knew he was and that with the right amount of effort he would always achieve well. We told him there and then we did not expect him to be top of his class but we did expect effort even if that still meant he didn't always get top marks.
We reminded him of all the commendations he had got and how good he had felt telling his dad and I about them.
IT worked and he got back on form. His his last two grade cards have been great and he is back to doing his homework with lots of effort etc as he too is feeling confident again. Don't get me wrong I still worry and haveto back off when I appear to be 'getting on his case'. He hates being wrong which can be very hard but he's a boy iof 12 so what can I expect.
Maybe you could suggest to your son that you all forget every negative comment he has had and every poor grade and start a fresh, because you know he is clever and a great son and very very capable(136!!!) and above all you want him to be happy and you know he can achieve much better then what he has yet. Discuss with him the positive stuff he has achieved, any commendations etc and how he got them and ask him how he feels when he does get a good grade, comment etc.
Tell him you relalise he is lacking some confidence and you want to help him and ask 'him' how 'he' thinks you can help. Tell him that together you both need to make a plan of action.
You did say he does have confidence issues and if this is not just related to school perhaps you could get him into Karate or Judo classes by all accounts they are very good for confidence boosting.
I'm sorry to have waffled but above all don't you thnk you are on your own I suspect that atleast 50% of parents at sometimes quetsion Should he/she be in a grammar school?' at some point.
In your sons case the answer is YES his test score more then endorses that.
Good luck to you and him
Mel
It sounds to me that perhaps your son has taken all of those negative comments to heart and it's not that he doesn't care it's just he doesn't know where to start to get better, if that makes sense.
My son started at a local Grammar school in 2006. He got very good grades on his first and second grade card, did his homework on time with much effort. Then last Spring at 'Parents Evening' we got his 3rd grade card which suddenly showed a very different picture. He had some poor comments, lower grades and several homeworks missing. We were really upset as up until this point he had been doing so well and we were looking forward to meeting his tutors. I guess both he and us had become complacent and although he must of known he wasn't doing as well he just went along with it, thank goodness for the grade cards! Anyway initially we were upset and I admit a little angry but that changed when we saw how upset he was and he was. We realised that his confidence had been knocked which was what was effecting his work.
We decided right away to put it down to experience and start afresh.
We reassured him how clever we knew he was and that with the right amount of effort he would always achieve well. We told him there and then we did not expect him to be top of his class but we did expect effort even if that still meant he didn't always get top marks.
We reminded him of all the commendations he had got and how good he had felt telling his dad and I about them.
IT worked and he got back on form. His his last two grade cards have been great and he is back to doing his homework with lots of effort etc as he too is feeling confident again. Don't get me wrong I still worry and haveto back off when I appear to be 'getting on his case'. He hates being wrong which can be very hard but he's a boy iof 12 so what can I expect.
Maybe you could suggest to your son that you all forget every negative comment he has had and every poor grade and start a fresh, because you know he is clever and a great son and very very capable(136!!!) and above all you want him to be happy and you know he can achieve much better then what he has yet. Discuss with him the positive stuff he has achieved, any commendations etc and how he got them and ask him how he feels when he does get a good grade, comment etc.
Tell him you relalise he is lacking some confidence and you want to help him and ask 'him' how 'he' thinks you can help. Tell him that together you both need to make a plan of action.
You did say he does have confidence issues and if this is not just related to school perhaps you could get him into Karate or Judo classes by all accounts they are very good for confidence boosting.
I'm sorry to have waffled but above all don't you thnk you are on your own I suspect that atleast 50% of parents at sometimes quetsion Should he/she be in a grammar school?' at some point.
In your sons case the answer is YES his test score more then endorses that.
Good luck to you and him
Mel
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Guest
Just wanted to point out that an issolated test score (as in the 11+) doesnt always mean that they are suited to grammar. I know of 2 boys, one of whom passed/qualified for grammar and is finding it tough (now in year 8 ) and the other who got through on appeal who at the moment seems to be thriving and enjoying every minute although by no means in the top sets. There will always be the if buts and maybe's but at the end of the day as parents we hope to make the right decisions for our children.
Karen
Karen
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Londonmum
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laid back son worried mum
- Posts: 4083
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 1:18 am
Please don't laugh at me when you read thisLondonmum wrote:Dear LBSWM
Thanks for all your tips. I like the idea of having 3 trays. Miss Disorganised in our house has one big folder box. I think I will venture to Ikea to buy three trays.
...Our 3 trays come from the local supermaket and are brightly coloured cat litter trays which we have decorated with his favourite stickers.
They cost very little and are large and spacious enough to hold thick files, folders, calculator, spare stationery and textbooks.
Normal office IN, OUT, PENDING trays don't seem big enough and everything fa11s out.
Our cats avoid them as they don't like homework.
( I hope only you are reading this, Londonmum.)