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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 6:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 10:05 pm
Posts: 100
Hello all,

DD was not offerd 1st choice school, which would of been ooc grammar, and has decided she doesnt want to stay on the waiting list. This means she will be going to local ( good ) comprehensive. To say I am dissapointed would be an understatment, but as a clever girl who always works hard and does everything that is asked of her, we feel it is her choice, she has to have the final say in her future. Trouble is I really, really need to hear some positive things right now as am finding it hard not to cry!

I know things could be so much worse, and I really do wish everyone waiting on lists or going to appeal the very best of luck and will keep my fingers crossed for you all

b


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 6:36 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:46 pm
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Location: Bucks
You are right, she will do very well wherever she goes, however, what about accepting your local comp so DD knows where she is heading, can talk about it with her friends, make plans etc but, stay on the GS waiting list.

If you get lucky in the coming weeks, you will still have two weeks to accept the OoC GS offer, go and have one last look around the GS, both of you and then a final family pow wow. Also, as a family, you obviously thought GS was the way forward for your DS when she prepared for the exam and put in all that hard work - what has changed her mind?

Of course your DD has to have a big say in the final decision, but, quite often 10/11 year old children (I am thinking of my 10 year old DD now) do not know best, they are swayed by friends, the uniform, not so much homework, how exciting the bus journey will be all types of weird and wonderful things which as adults we know are a mini part of the equation - so whilst your DD's opinions should be listened to and appreciated, unless they are really valid, I am not sure I would give the final say to my 10 year old daughter :roll: .

Good luck, don't envy you...

Ambridge x


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 6:44 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:06 pm
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My DS was most adamant that he preferred a particular school but when we questioned him closely it turned out he thought the chairs were nicer than the other school.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:05 pm 
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Thanks for such quick replies! DD has had reservations for some time and we had agreed that we would do as you suggested Ambridge, take offered school, wait to see if a place at grammar came up and then make final decision then. Unfortunately, we are in herts and they have changed the system this year. We are told to think carefully before going on continuation lists as school offered will be taken away if a place at a higher ranking choice school comes up, so not giving her the chance to make that final decision herself. I felt not to tell her the truth would be wrong.

The reasons she has given could well be due to friends, but are also valid i.e She wants to go to a mixed school because she wants to feel comfortable around boys. The local school offers both her favourite subjects as specialisms and yes she will be with her friends!

on her first point, I suggested a mixed grammar, but the only one close enough doesnt offer the language she would most like to study and would involve a fairly long journey so she has won that point!

maybe I am being too soft?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:20 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 1:21 am
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40 wrote:
We are told to think carefully before going on continuation lists as school offered will be taken away if a place at a higher ranking choice school comes up, so not giving her the chance to make that final decision herself.
- hey, that's really tough. It doesn't give you the chance to think things through! I understand why they are doing this as there were so many people who failed to tell the authorities that they no longer required a place, however it would be easy to allow a day or two's grace before automatically cancelling the place offered. I expect it's because everything has to be done by snail mail... :roll:

When changes are made to systems with the intention of solving problems, it always seems that a whole new set of problems are created. :?

Wishing the best of luck to your DD, I'm sure she'll do very well with you there to support her. :)

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Marylou


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:22 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
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Location: Berkshire
We are in a similar position. Our son 'failed' the 11+ in our area, and now he's been allocated our second choice school.
After the results came out in December, he was devestated that he wouldn't be following his older siblings to the GS, and we had weeks of upset with him.
Now since the allocations, he has come a full circle, and is now saying he would prefer the comprehensive.
We have lodged an appeal with the GS which won't be heard until April, and yesterday my son said to me that he might be disappointed if we were succesful, as he thinks he'd prefer the other school :shock:
I don't know where this leaves us - if we win do we have to accept the GS, or can we still accept the 2nd choice, if this is what he's adamant to do?
My husband and I would much prefer the GS option, but at the end of the day we also really just want to see our son happy. So I"m getting a bit confused about what to do myself now. :roll:

I think the children are far more resilient than the adults, he's got over his disappointment, why can't I :?:

LFH


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:27 pm 
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Hi L.F.H I really feel for you, why is life so complicated? Is your son worried about being disapointed for a 2nd time perhaps? I'm not sure you would loose your allocated school as you are in a different county to us, so maybe you can still give him the final choice. Once he has won the appeal he may feel differently. I suppose from my own point of view, It may of been more my dream for her to go to grammar than hers! also as I never had such opportunities I just think what a waste! but what would happen if I forced her into something and she was unhappy? I have always thought children need to feel confident and happy to get the best out of them,

As parents who have obviously thought a lot about their dc's education I would be really interested in how others on this forum would tackle this

p.s. thanks for your good wishes marylou!


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:04 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:10 pm
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Location: Buckinghamshire
Hi B

Please PM me and remind me (yet again :roll:) of the schools involved.

I am actually a bear of very little brain ...

Sally-Anne


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:36 pm 
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40 wrote:

As parents who have obviously thought a lot about their dc's education I would be really interested in how others on this forum would tackle this



Several years ago when DD1 was not sure whether to accept the grammar school place she wasn't expecting to be offered, we took the line that it was much easier to switch from the oversubscribed grammar to the undersubscribed comp if it didn't work out, than vice versa...

Not quite the same situation, I know - I suppose it depends on whether the school you've been offered is oversubscribed and whether you really would lose the place. (BTW the undersubscribed comp referred to above has over 50 on the waiting list this year, with many appeals in the offing - but that's for another thread on how things can change!)

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Marylou


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:28 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
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Location: Berkshire
40,
Thanks - you might be right, he may be afraid of further disappointment Perhaps its the same for you?

I think we are in a similar position that if we were successful in the appeal then we would lose the comprehensive, but we will have logistics problems if he doesn't go to the same school as his siblings, so obviously that's what we would prefer.

We will just have to see what happens, we are very unlikely to succeed in the appeal anyway, so it's probably for the best that my son is excited about the school he's been allocated.

I think we just all want what we perceive to be the best for our children, wouldn't it be good if we could forward fast 5 or 6 years, and then we would know not to worry so much :lol:

LFH


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