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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:09 pm
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Location: Great Notley
My DD has been doing so well until this last few weeks but we are pulling our hair out with her now. She is a bit of a perfectionist and is only happy with herself when she gets a high mark in any work or tests and has been getting rather angry and tearful with herself (and us) lately when she can`t answer a question, mainly on maths and the odd hard v.r. question. We have been drumming it into her to relax and not to be too hard on herself if she comes across a difficult question, to leave it and go back to it if she has time but I seem to talking to a brick wall. Its horrible to see her get in such a state over the odd question she finds really hard and we are very concerned that she will crack up on the big day, Im worried she will hit a hard question and start getting upset. Im beginning to wonder if this is the right thing for her now. She is a quiet sensitive child and is so determind to get through but we are worried for her. Any advice.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:31 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:42 pm
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Location: Chelmsford and pleased
I had awful problems with perfectionism and DD. I enforced a work free week (she did however sneak Bond books). Your DD will not learn much between now and the exam if she is well prepared. What about giving her some time off next week and some gentle stuff during the last week. Sections from VR - nothing too difficult. Perhaps bits from the GL assessment papers as they aren't too tough. Good luck. We came through this and DD is enormously happy now and is definitely no longer as quiet as she used to be. Posters were very helpful. Don't worry you are not alone in this. The GS are aware of girls like these and the curriculum certainly lacks pressure once the girls are there.
We gave DD Professor Layton as a distraction. She enjoyed the puzzles enough to take her mind off everything at least some of the time.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:36 pm 
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I would be inclined to agree with Moving. It takes huge self control but I believe a break would be best for her.Tell her it is a vote of confidence.
I wouldn't read into this that she will be a perfectionist in the future and therefore not the right "kind of girl" for the school.Despite what many onlookers think about grammars, CCHS for example is a relaxed, friendly and non pressured environment.They actively discourage perfectionism.She will flourish there despite the difficulties of the present time.
Enforce time off and return to it refreshed.

Wishing you all the best x


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:37 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:09 pm
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Location: Great Notley
Enforce time off and return to it refreshed.

Thank you both for your advice. We have arranged for her tutor now to give her lessons here and there to go over everything and she does actually like going there, he is a maths teacher at a local senior school and has really helped her. I have planned to avoid any work the week before the exam and may give her a horse riding lesson at Rayne, she loves going there. It may be an idea though to avoid any work inbetween her tutor sessions (only three anyway) and try to get her to enjoy other things. I even contemplated giving her some herbal calming tablets or something before the exam. I wonder if anyone else has done that?? She kept running to the bathroom with an `upset stomach` before the mock tests a few weeks ago but that cleared up after a few times.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:23 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:42 pm
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Location: Chelmsford and pleased
DD barely slept the night before the exam. I was glad that she had had early nights in the run up. She still looked like death warmed up on the day and of course thought that she had failed the English paper. Be prepared.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:39 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:54 pm
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Location: caversham
You only need to work on three things, confidence, confidence and confidence. :)

OK and exam technique.

Quote:
She is a bit of a perfectionist and is only happy with herself when she gets a high mark in any work or tests


No problem, give her what she wants, sneak in a few old papers, one's she has done but can not claim to remember, then praise the high scores. :lol:

Moderate with the lecture, if it is hard on the day then everybody is finding it hard, grab as many marks as you can. It is not about 100%, but about being top 50 or whatever on the day. 8)

It worked for us, hope it helps. :)

steve


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 12:12 am 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:09 pm
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Location: Great Notley
[if it is hard on the day then everybody is finding it hard

Exactly, thats what we keep telling her. I feel such a nag when I keep repeating myself with quotes like the above.

DD has her final mock exams this weekend then I think I will back off a bit and let her find her own pace up until 21st.

On the plus side a couple of her friends are also doing the 11+ exam and they all chat about it at school.

I wonder how the other children are coping???


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:51 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:21 pm
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Location: Braintree
Hi Notley Parents

I really feel for you, we were in exactly the same position with my DD last year, you really start to question whether or not you have done the right thing. I think that on top of being perfectionists, they are also so worried about letting you down.

My additional advice would be to tell her that you are extremely proud of her already - the fact that she is even willing to do the 11+ exam and that you know she has worked so hard and is capable of going to grammar. I know lots of other children who flatly refused to do the exam because they didn't want to do any extra work or go to a different school from their friends.
My DD didn't sleep at all well the night before (talking to others I think that's par for the course - parents and children), it was also her birthday on the day of exam which upset her (obviously bad planning on our part some 11 years previously).
I remember telling her that whatever happened on the day we were extremely proud of her and that with all exams there is an element of luck involved, however much you prepare for them. We also talked a lot about our catchment school (Notley HS) and how we were so lucky because it was also an excellent school and that it was a win win situation whatever happened. This must also be the case for you due to location. As an aside the deputy head from Notley HS will be the new Head Teacher at Colchester Girls Grammar next year.

Whatever happens at least she has tried her best and as parents that's all we can ask, it's just a horrible system. She sounds like the sort of child that works hard and will do well whatever school she goes to, that's another important message which we gave our DD.

I know you are local and if it helps my DD would be happy to meet with your DD and have a chat, it may give her a chance to talk to someone who has done the test recently and to know that most people feel the same way.

Wishing you luck.

Notley Mum


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:27 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:09 pm
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Location: Great Notley
[quote="Notley Mum"] As an aside the deputy head from Notley HS will be the new Head Teacher at Colchester Girls Grammar next year.

Hello again Notley mum, nice to hear from you. Who is the deputy head at Notley (I should know reallly), my first thought goes to Mrs Moss?? There are so many deputy/assistant head teachers at notley, we were there the other day for a meeting and I looked at the board in the foyer.

I will see if my DD would like to meet up and talk to your daughter, it would help I think and give her a boost of confidence. Thank you, it is a nice gesture. I will send you a personal message on that one, thanks.

The VR paper I was refering to at the beginning of this post which upset her so much was a paper from the Alpha Series practice papers as recommended by her tutor, she has completed pack 1 and was struggling on the pack 2, paper 4 (first half). She had just completed the paper 3 at the time so perhaps it was too much for her (her choice). What made me laugh was when I marked the paper 3 (sweating) to give her a boost she actually scored 99%. She was pleased with herself after all that and also annoyed at the one question she got wrong!! What a daft girl.


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