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 Post subject: the aftermath
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:01 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:49 pm
Posts: 2
former lurker seeking help ....

my daughter's standardised score is 308.479. We know its not enough for ColCHS or CCHS. Obviously she is upset. Unfortunately she has taken a real knock to her confidence and thinks she has 'failed' and isnt intelligent etc :? . I want to help put it into perspective for her and assure her she did well even if she didn't get enough marks for our closest GSs. Any ideas gratefully received.

thank you


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:12 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:42 pm
Posts: 3810
Location: Chelmsford and pleased
How about the story posted by blitz about the girl and her gcse results?

viewtopic.php?f=15&t=28245&p=332337#p332337

Her score is still very reasonable. I would tell her that she passed, but due to the limit in local places she won't make it into a grammar school. Were you in Southend she would be going to grammar, so she is obviously capable enough.

I've taught many children who didn't pass the 11+ and it didn't stop them from getting very good gcse results. I think that grades A and A* prove that they were bright! The 11+ isn't always the best measure.


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:23 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:16 pm
Posts: 1440
It might be worth searching for 'The tale of a girl' posted by Tree. It was a very moving post about Tree's DD who didn't make it into grammar but gained fabulous results at GCSE. Good luck to your DD.


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:26 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 12:41 pm
Posts: 158
Mr Jenkinson, Headteacher of Colchester Royal Grammar School, summed it up well when he said that the 11+ just measures the performance of a child on that one particular day. Anyone can have an off day.

The 11+ is not the be all and end all. There are lots of children who miss out at 11+ and subsequently get better GCSE's than many who were able to attend grammar schools. Some of these apply and enter the grammar school that they originally missed..Your DD could well be one of them...


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:42 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:49 pm
Posts: 2
that bucks story is great! i must say Monday was a tough day. i am sure she will do well at our local comp - luckily we are in catchment for a very good one.

Thank you all


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 5:37 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 1:22 pm
Posts: 43
Hi Barbaryape

My thoughts go out to you and your Dd. As her parent, you will have to keep reassuring her and affirming her. The point is that she didn't fail. I know that it's difficult to explain that in light of the fact that she didn't score highly enough to base considered for her local GS but perhaps there's no harm in putting down the Southend GS.

It's a real travesty that there aren't more GS as far too many children who do actually pass, can't get places and then it makes them feel that they have failed and this can really damage the self esteem and confidence of young children unless they have reassuring parents.

I wish your DD all the best.


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:53 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:25 pm
Posts: 198
[quote="Tixylixy"]It's a real travesty that there aren't more GS as far too many children who do actually pass, can't get places [/quote
More GS's would be disastrous for local comprehensives. Surely the real travesty is that our local schools aren't providing a better quality of education?


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:03 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:51 am
Posts: 78
Barbaryape, I totally understand your pain. DD2 did not make it to grammar either - just a few marks off. She did will in VR and Maths but bombed in English - her strongest subject by far (L5 etc etc). We were shocked.

I have been living in a complete haze of emotions all week and no matter how much I explain to my DD2 that she just didnt get the score required and didn't fail she just sees it that her older DD (who flew into grammar) got to go where she wanted, she didn't and she is stupid.

We are building her back up and seeking the best place for her but it is hard.

I am hoping this pain will go away soon, and DD2 seems brighter and more accepting as the time passes so that is a positive.

Our girls will shine no matter what I am sure of that!!


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:57 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 8:45 am
Posts: 121
Location: Southend on Sea
panichead - we are in exactly the same position as you and it's so hard. I have posted on your thread about the catholic school too (we are hoping for the same!)
We have the same circumstances - my older DD is at GS and flew in and has done well and my younger DD now feels a failure. We are trying to boost her confidence and the upside was she loved St B's (as did we) but then you are faced with ??? can she be accepted and are we getting her hopes up only to be shot down again!!!
My DD scored 302.3 so it's frustrating and we have been advised to appeal but who knows... :(


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 Post subject: Re: the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 10:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:28 am
Posts: 438
barbaryape

I really feel for you and your DD but please know that both of you can hold your head up high :D

The 11+ system for a superselective in particular, can be very brutal on parents, let alone a little one of 10, or possibly 11. You both lived through an incredibly stressful and worrying time and have come out the other side a little battered, to say the least. However, having also had a DD who worked hard and didn't achieve the result she wanted, I do know that in time, you can both feel so much pride for having the strength to approach the 11+ in the first place.

My DD1 knew she wouldn't "pass" but she wanted to go for it, none-the-less. Knowing this though, didn't stop her feeling "gutted" when the result came out on March 1st. The thing that we clung to, was that no-one could take away the boost her education had been given, by preparing for the 11+ exams back in November the previous year. Her confidence in her abilities had grown immensely and she flew from then on. I realise that the results now coming out in October makes my anecdote a little lame but I wanted to say that nothing is wasted. My DD went on to achieve everything that she wanted to...and still hasn't reached her optimum potential. The 11+ was a turning point for her - she suddenly started to really focus and believed that if she could do that (after years of SENCo help) - she could do anything. :D I truly hope that in a few weeks, your daughter will get her confidence back, she deserves it. Could you perhaps focus-in a bit more on her out-of-school activities for a while, to boost her confidence? We did that with DD1 - she did a competitive sport and so we spent more time doing that, so she could feel more comfortable and build her self-esteem back up.

Your daughter is amazing for even having sat her bottom on the seat on 22nd September 2012. She's brave and bright! She achieved a score of 308 which certainly shows she's intelligent!

I'd pretty much agree with what moved has said, in terms of what you tell her and I agree with what moved said about the 11+ and GCSE results due to my personal experience with my DD1. As an ex GS pupil and now a parent of two DD's who have sat the Essex test, I have mixed feelings about the 11+ exam system. Even those who get what they need, don't necessarily come out of it unscathed or untouched by the pressures of the entire process.

I wish you and your daughter peace at this very painful period in your lives. My heartfelt thoughts are with you both.


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