Practising what to say to DC if they don't pass...?

[Stroller]

Sorry, Mañana, that sounds hard. I can see why you'd prefer to avoid it and I hope you succeed with the grammar.

Otherwise, can you think of anything positive to say about that school? I'd be trying to make it sound like a feasible alternative just in case. I also really like the idea of "you passed, but it might not be enough..." But that will only work if you keep the actual results under lock and key.

Best of luck with it.

[Mrs Sinatra]

Yes, I too keep filling the glass. A bit too much recently. But not just because of that (have a lot of other stresses going on and in a bizarre way, this 11 plus thing is a distraction).

Children can and do do well in failing schools. One of my friends is really successful and went to the local 'sink comp' in an inner City. He earns loads, has several properties but - and this is the most important bit for me - loves his job. And my friend's child recently went to Oxford to do her Masters after getting a dozen A* GCSEs and 5 A* at the local comp that no-one will even visit.

I went to a grammar and loved it, mostly it has to be said cos of the friendships I made (I didn't do that well academically), my sister went to the same school and absolutely hated it.

[Ess30]

Have you visited the schools? That's a good way of filling the waiting time - and getting a positive narrative going about all the possible alternatives.

[Rosy Pippin]

These are all great tips.

After a suggestion on the forum, we did the big night out immediately after the final exam - we called it our "proud day" celebration - on the basis that we couldn't be prouder of DD's achievement to prepare so well for the exams regardless of the result further down the line etc etc.

We too have been vague about the exact date that the results will come through - to buy us time if we need it for appropriate reaction practice.

We've also discussed the odds of being offered a place and the fact that more and more DCs will be applying and taking the places (used it as a maths prep question on probability ).

We have bigged up the local comp and the DCs that attend. I like the travel reduction suggestion so will wind that in too.

The main reason that we went for selective is because DD has been in a primary school class with a bunch of DCs who (she says) don't want to learn so teacher has spent the last five years doing damage control. It's a small school - one class per year - so nowhere to go to get away from this. We have discussed the fact that secondary school will always be larger and, in time, will stream pupils in some way, so that those who want to learn will be together. We have stressed that this is the case in selective and non selective schools.

The bottom line is that our DCs are not naive: they know that the try out for selectives is because there is something that we, as parents, think is better than the local comp/other options. I think, as Nikkibeak and Guess 55 have posted, it is more about DD not wanting to "let us down". Off to the mirror again to practice my "I am not disappointed" face...

[southbucks3]

I simply sad something along the lines of, "hey mate, it's a bit of a poo, you didn't get the score, you won't be alone by a long shot and on a scale of one to ten there is a whole lot worse things life can deal you, and we still know you are really clever and will do well."
We had thoroughly prepared him for going to the alternative school, as we had a strong idea he would not pass, he was lucky enough to win an appeal for grammar as it turned out. BUT, and please remember this; we had to be mega careful as his sibling is highly likely to go to the upper, so showing lots of disappointment and anxiety, would have been tantamount to saying it's not good enough for you, but ok for your bruv to go to a rubbish school. (Its not too rubbish anyway btw) Please think of this with little ones in ear shot, even if the current sitter is not in the room....We nearly got caught out a few times.

Prepare for confidence dips, not just academically, but sports, friendships, everything. We also had the occasional "what is the point" if I asked him to do a bit extra than required homework wise, which we had never encountered previously.

[scary mum]

I have one thing to add - round here, on results day, all the children are talking about it. That may be because everyone takes the test, and the results are handed to the children at the end of the day. Just don't assume the other children won't know! And we handled it pretty much in the same way with DD as SB3.

[Hopefuldad]

. I'm lucky in so far as I don't think my son is too bothered either way. It will just be me that is disappointed.

Hi
We went through this last year and my DS missed out by a small margin (perhaps one more right answer) for a place in KEGS, which was MY first preference. DS got offered second preference WHSB. He was fine about it however I was a little disappointed. He has been at WHSB for a month now and is really enjoying the school. I was disappointed for no reason.
Hopefully you will have good news, but dont be disappointed if you were to miss out.

best regards
HD

[FlightyRachel]

I'm a bit confused now as I didn't think the results they get at the weekend said whether or not they have a grammar place? I thought they just gave a standardised score? Are you all ic people who know that a certain score will get you a guaranteed place? We are oc for all schools and I'm really not sure what sort of score will be needed this year. I certainly wasn't thinking I'd need to talk passing and failing with my son, just use the scores to make a decision as to where it's most sensible to apply. For me the big day isn't until March, when places are allocated. Have I got it wrong? (Things have changed a great deal since the last time I was involved in this 11+ malarky).

[Manana]

. I'm lucky in so far as I don't think my son is too bothered either way. It will just be me that is disappointed.

Hi
We went through this last year and my DS missed out by a small margin (perhaps one more right answer) for a place in KEGS, which was MY first preference. DS got offered second preference WHSB. He was fine about it however I was a little disappointed. He has been at WHSB for a month now and is really enjoying the school. I was disappointed for no reason.
Hopefully you will have good news, but dont be disappointed if you were to miss out.

best regards
HD

Hmm, I'm sure you're only trying to be helpful, but being 'a little disappointed' because you only got into WHSB-which is where many of the people on here would be thrilled to get into- as your second choice isn't quite the same as having to choose a school that only gets 25% of its pupils coming out with 5 A-Cs at GCSE.

but dont be disappointed if you were to miss out.

I think I will be pretty disappointed if DD ends up there, with those statistics, yes.

Sorry to be maudlin on here. Maybe if we had a fab leafy excellent comprehensive (or even an inferior grammar) as our back-up plan, it would be less of an issue.

[Manana]

I'm a bit confused now as I didn't think the results they get at the weekend said whether or not they have a grammar place? I thought they just gave a standardised score? Are you all ic people who know that a certain score will get you a guaranteed place? We are oc for all schools and I'm really not sure what sort of score will be needed this year. I certainly wasn't thinking I'd need to talk passing and failing with my son, just use the scores to make a decision as to where it's most sensible to apply. For me the big day isn't until March, when places are allocated. Have I got it wrong? (Things have changed a great deal since the last time I was involved in this 11+ malarky).

We'll get a guidance sheet which will give more information about what standardised scores would have got you a place in each school in previous years. If you're in (Southend) catchment-these are obviously lower.