Go to navigation
It is currently Tue Dec 06, 2016 9:53 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 16 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: over confident child?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:02 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:17 pm
Posts: 107
oh no, oh no. My son is now so sure that he did well in the exam that he is starting to talk about 'When I am at Pates..."

I keep thinking that there were 586 children at Pates and all of them came out smiling and all the ones I saw looked very confident.

I don't want to crush his enthusiasm but I know how hard it is to get into Pates and I am scared he will be so upset if he doesn't get in.

His friend, who also sat at Pates, is also totally confident, in just the same way. It is a worry...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 10:02 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:25 pm
Posts: 2610
I have been thinking about this today not just for DS but for myself as well. I have decided it is not worth spending this short period being pessimistic even if it all goes belly up then what purpose will it have served worrying. Time enough to deal with the fallout when it happens.

I think it is best that they are not fretting and getting anxious and if they don't get what they initially want then make them realise that whatever they end up with was the right one for them all along. No one school is perfection itself.

Just wish that little niggle in my head would GO AWAY permanently. Shoo, shoo nasty niggle :wink:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:42 am 
Offline

Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:24 am
Posts: 55
Totally agree with Ciren mum's worry. My son has NEVER been confident about anything but emerged from the Test as though it was a walk in the park. His results before hand indicated he was capable of passing but he seems to think the practise papers he was doing (same ones as everyone else) were harder than the actual thing??
I have no idea what to make of this but am very aware that he may be deluded and face a very big fall next week.
Obviously I'll be there to pick him up if he is indeed as misguided as I fear but WHO WILL PICK ME UP??? :cry:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:58 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
Well, it looks like lots of sons (not excluding the girls, it's just that only boys' parents have contributed) seem to have this unnerving confidence in their performance which is so at odds with our own vaguely negative caution and anxiety. It's an attitude, though, which had I been offered prior to the test - given the choice of a buzzy confidence or him emerging subdued and doubtful - I would have grabbed with both hands. But the vacuum created in our minds by not having to obsess about The Test now has to be filled with something (a big hole to fill in some of our cases) so in swaggers doubt.

Perhaps it really is as simple as that they feel good because they really did do well?? Dare we entertain this thought or does this way madness lie.

I've heard of quite a few since who did struggle with that second paper and of a lot who didn't finish. But we all know also of a lot of instances where that has borne no relation to their outcome - that these children have gone on to pass. They didn't finish because they got more right en route. I am trying to keep faith with my original perception of him being capable, rather than being guided by his mien on leaving the test.

Although, obviously, some nasty corner of my mind keeps stabbing me with not his confidence per se but the questions which he's cited to me so cheerfully, word for word, which are just wrong. These my self-destructive psyche have writ large as massive representatives of his overall achievement and it's hard to dodge them at four in the morning.

It makes no matter that fretting doesn't help. I'm feeling vaguely calm, but the fear bobs about and can reappear at any moment. I'd almost rather have a long wait, giving time to forget.

However, my boy is being bullied at school which is providing an (unwelcome) distraction - I almost return to 11+ talk for comfort. Spent a long time with the very helpful HT this morning but have been considering home ed just to take him away from that casual cruelty which has formed part of his life at school, despite all the "procedures in place" for a very long time.

nearly half way, everyone!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:24 am
Posts: 55
Really sorry to hear that Milla. Have had experience of this with an older child and it's awful.
Here's hoping that whatever direction your DS is going in next year all of the bullies will be going in a different one.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:20 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
thanks, RT, it IS horrible and I know that a lot of poor children out there are subject to it in various forms adn the pack mentality can do great harm. I hope your older child has come through things OK.

Even when we're going through a lull, it's just always there. DS2 doesn't often say much, but he has nervous tics which come and go which I use as a barometer. In the past I've said that I'm going to move schools, but he's maintained, absolutely adamantly, that he won't be driven out by them and it seemed the right thing to do to let him see it out rather than sort of emasculate him.

On their own, all but one of the boys are more or less OK, but this one little oik (no, am no longer reasonable about it all, not now!) has no redeeming qualities and a great deal of power and some of the ones lower down the order, as it were, seem to think that doling out something to DS2 will stand them in good stead with King Oik. Kids are also very clever and although support staff sometimes "see" things, teachers often seem not to.

Luckily, at one point, this brute did admit to doing things to DS2 which was a massive relief in that it stopped being just my word etc and the HT's actions cranked up a gear. DS2 doesn't help by refusing to tell, even tho the HT has said that he can go to his office at any time, closed door or not. He's too proud and too used to the exclusion and it's become a norm I'm finding hard to tolerate. We're meeting up again next week, this time with son and husband and see where we are. Again. :cry:

Sorry to Ciren mum for hijacking! I have 2 countdowns on the go. Next Saturday and next July!

TGI Friday!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:20 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:42 pm
Posts: 3813
Location: Chelmsford and pleased
Hi Milla
When DD was bullied in yr 4 by a particularly unpleasant boy I gave her a book to write down what was happening. It had three effects: she felt in control slightly; she was distracted from the comments/threats by writing them down and finally he asked what she was doing and she explained. He blanched and left her alone after that.
Year 6 girls were another matter, by then she stood out too much, despite being quiet, and they resented her.
Hope it gets better.
Next year he will be in a much bigger group of children and will be able to escape the few unpleasant ones. DD is a completely different person this year, sociable, gregarious, etc. Hope the same happens for you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:23 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
Thank you, moving. That's encouraging. In fact one of the things we agreed with HT is that he will have a diary, so that he can record things in case he finds it easier to do that rather than in person, in speech. Glad to hear that things are better for your DD. I can imagine girls can be pretty jolly nasty to each other. My son's class can be quite volatile (his older brother's was lovely) and there are spats between the girls, too, which are upsetting. Can't wait for the big broom of change, frankly!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:38 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 8:03 pm
Posts: 1827
Location: Gloucestershire
Milla wrote:
However, my boy is being bullied at school which is providing an (unwelcome) distraction -


In the unlikely event that you need to appeal, the offered school being the same one that the bullies are going to is helpful evidence.

_________________
Capers


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:46 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
unlikely, now that's a word I like!
the worst one is going to a totally different school - lives in another town. This has been the one salvation.
2 of the dodgy ones sat the test. :? If they all get in, I'll ask for mine to go in a different class. A bit of growing up and lots of homework might do wonders!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 16 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
CALL 020 8204 5060
   
Privacy Policy | Refund Policy | Disclaimer | Copyright © 2004 – 2016