Feeling insecure negative comments
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It's amazing how the word 'Pate's' can bring out the best and worst in people.
My DD originally wanted to go to DR, but when we found out she came 144 for Pate's, she changed her mind straight away and wanted Pate's as her first choice. When other parents found out, we got the surprised 'Oh!' and 'raised eyebrow and wide eye look'. One even said not to bother putting Pate's in our preferences!! It did upset me a little bit to start with, but not anymore.
Luckily we have a very supportive family and a teacher who thinks she will do well.
I have told DD that if a space doesn't come up, I'm not going to appeal and fight tooth and nail for a space (don't want to be a pushy mum
) If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. She's fine with that. As long as she's happy, I'm happy. It's about the children at the end of they day 
My DD originally wanted to go to DR, but when we found out she came 144 for Pate's, she changed her mind straight away and wanted Pate's as her first choice. When other parents found out, we got the surprised 'Oh!' and 'raised eyebrow and wide eye look'. One even said not to bother putting Pate's in our preferences!! It did upset me a little bit to start with, but not anymore.
Luckily we have a very supportive family and a teacher who thinks she will do well.
I have told DD that if a space doesn't come up, I'm not going to appeal and fight tooth and nail for a space (don't want to be a pushy mum
) If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. She's fine with that. As long as she's happy, I'm happy. It's about the children at the end of they day The great thing about the new system is that we have nothing to lose by putting Pates first, our second choice is still in the bag. Good to hear its not just me getting this reaction, thought I was doing something wrong. Hard to be very very humble when you are just bursting with pride and don't want to take anything away from your kid.
views
I agree with all of the above.
Don't let other people's views and personal angst be what makes your decision.
Do go back to the school (whichever one - Pate's RH etc) this week because all the schools are diferent in open evening season to 'real life' - best thing is to speak to the Head.
I am not sure I fully get the 'certain types of child suit certain schools' because - as has been posted, STR is very sporty but fine for non sports types etc. Each of the excellent schools will basically be good at it all and have a niche for all kids. Clearly Pate's gets the best results and some of teh others run teh new diploma thingies (RH, for instance) which are less academic but all do still run A levels, for instance. There are differences in style between boys, girls and co -ed but the main thng is that gender issue - do you prefer single sex or co-ed. That will, in my opinion, make the biggest difference. Much more than an extra 15 minutes on the bus each day.
All good schools! Relax and go with your instincts.
Don't let other people's views and personal angst be what makes your decision.
Do go back to the school (whichever one - Pate's RH etc) this week because all the schools are diferent in open evening season to 'real life' - best thing is to speak to the Head.
I am not sure I fully get the 'certain types of child suit certain schools' because - as has been posted, STR is very sporty but fine for non sports types etc. Each of the excellent schools will basically be good at it all and have a niche for all kids. Clearly Pate's gets the best results and some of teh others run teh new diploma thingies (RH, for instance) which are less academic but all do still run A levels, for instance. There are differences in style between boys, girls and co -ed but the main thng is that gender issue - do you prefer single sex or co-ed. That will, in my opinion, make the biggest difference. Much more than an extra 15 minutes on the bus each day.
All good schools! Relax and go with your instincts.
He he he - we did the opposite - DD2 didn't want a part in the school play, so we had to write about that - she ended up as lead stage crew & thoroughly enjoyed herself; ironically, she ended up on the stage more than any other child.Glos_Mum wrote: a failure to gain a place in the school play is swiftly followed by a letter of complaint to the head...
Capers
Re: Feeling insecure negative comments
Some of these issues are of genuine concern to some people.slackmum wrote:But it is hard as I have met with a lot of negativity mainly along with the lines of that is too far, too much of a commitment, he needs to be part of the local community, it will be too tough there for him etc etc. Along with some issues with the in-laws who feel we should put him into a school where he will be top rather than average.
We didn't tick Pates for DD1 last year - we didn't even look round it (nor the Gloucester grammars) . Primarily because we felt it too far for our daughter to travel, given that Stroud High is walking distance - we wanted her to be able to make local friends (primary school always meant a drive to friends house). My wife had a similar length commute to Pates (Pitville site) as a child but coming from a small village had to commute for friends anyway.
Secondly the close proximity of Marling meant that whilst not co-ed, there are opportunities to socialise with boys at the extra-curricular clubs (and the walk home). Finally DD1 is 'averagely bright for grammar'; I doubt if she would have got a high enough score for Pates. But that's all for our eldest daughter, not our youngest (we'll decide nearer the 11+) and certainly not for other peoples children.
As for 'putting into a school where will be top in a class' - balderdash! I wasn't aware of who was top in my class - we were all grammar passes, and were all pretty bright. Sure, some were better at maths than others, languages, english, but no child was the 'best in the class', nor 'worst in the class'. Well, apart from the lad who the Head asked to leave & go to his local comp - but he'd been tutored for over 2 years (and this was back in the 70's) and really wasn't up to it; I never heard of anyone else being asked to leave for that reason.
Slackmum - ignore other peoples opinions and bitching and with your child decide which school will (hopefully) be best for them, then go for it! With luck & a fair wind, you'll get the response we had from teachers at parents evening: "DD1 has found the perfect school for her, is settled, very happy and thriving".
Capers
the subtle (and not so subtle) body language is unnerving. People you thought you were proper friends with (not just fellow parents) can reveal sides which are not easy to deal with. I've found the non-year 6 parents lovely and generous but the ones who might consider themselves your rival the sticking points. They, I am assuming, are nursing their own disappointments / not liking the implication that the comp "isn't good enough for us" and so, because this is my second and last child and because I feel we've been lucky enough to win the lottery in terms of results, I'm not letting it touch me. We're going to be OK and that's a big enough pay-off. We can escape the bully boy and leave it all behind come next summer and til then I'll just be nice-with-a-touch-of-ice (if nec) Refuse to get drawn down their roads or feel guilty at our good fortune.
the number of people though who think it's acceptable to say, slightly sneeringly, "oh, we didn't try for pate's" as if if they had they'd have waltzed in or as if Pate's is a sewer is certainly odd, though.
the number of people though who think it's acceptable to say, slightly sneeringly, "oh, we didn't try for pate's" as if if they had they'd have waltzed in or as if Pate's is a sewer is certainly odd, though.
We also doubted if DD1 would have waltzed in to Pates had we ticked the box. As I alluded to above, we had our own clear agenda for DD1. Having never visited the school, I have no opinion on it (nor any other grammar outside Stroud) other than the results seem good at all of them, and the vast majority of children seem happy at them.Milla wrote:the number of people though who think it's acceptable to say, slightly sneeringly, "oh, we didn't try for pate's" as if if they had they'd have waltzed in or as if Pate's is a sewer is certainly odd, though.
If you and your child think it's the right school, then go for it. However, I don't envy those where the parents have a preference for one school and the child a preference for another, but that's a different problem.
Capers
it was you being honest, Capers, which makes those who say this sort of thing so, er, interesting in comparison.
Also agree with other posters who've brought up both here and elsewhere, the feelings about being uncomfortable with assertions that the other grammars are a bit second rate, partic in comparison. I've had people say, "oh we didn't look at the grammars in Gloucester"
How come other people think they can sound so dismissive? I'd never say, "oh we wouldn't dream of a comprehensive." I feel I run myself and my choices down (light laugh, and, "yes, we must be mad, with a great comp nearby" etc) to protect other people and am tempted to stop!
Also agree with other posters who've brought up both here and elsewhere, the feelings about being uncomfortable with assertions that the other grammars are a bit second rate, partic in comparison. I've had people say, "oh we didn't look at the grammars in Gloucester"
How come other people think they can sound so dismissive? I'd never say, "oh we wouldn't dream of a comprehensive." I feel I run myself and my choices down (light laugh, and, "yes, we must be mad, with a great comp nearby" etc) to protect other people and am tempted to stop!
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ourmaminhavana
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- Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:14 am
I hope you don't mind me popping in from Lincolnshire. I've been following this with interest and just wanted to say I don't think it's unique to Pate's. I think it's a more general thing. I've got so I hardly dare mention that my DS is going to a good Lincs grammar school as there's no sense of 'he's done well' more 'what's wrong with the local comp or local grammar', 'so none of his friends will be going there?' or 'however will you get him there'? It's a shame as like you, Milla, I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone's school choices, whatever the establishment....
Yes, Year 5 parents are definitely more interested and less critical.
Yes, Year 5 parents are definitely more interested and less critical.
Yes, I have to agree, I too find it to be a general sneering of grammar schools and not just confined to Pates.
Interestingly enough one of DD's grandma's is an ex teacher (retired about 5 years ago) and when her ex-colleagues enquire which school dd was allocated, they are very kind in their comments.
Just goes to show it's the insecurities of the parents which bring about these sort of comments unfortunately
Interestingly enough one of DD's grandma's is an ex teacher (retired about 5 years ago) and when her ex-colleagues enquire which school dd was allocated, they are very kind in their comments.
Just goes to show it's the insecurities of the parents which bring about these sort of comments unfortunately
