How well is bullying handled in our schools ?

[PaterGloucester]

I recently had a conversation with a concerned parent about an ongoing (and unresolved) issue with bullying at one of the Gloucester grammar schools. The parent was concerned was that the school was not addressing the problem properly, allowing it to continue.

While any school may have its bullies, the mark of a good school is fast action and zero tolerance. Do any GS parents know of any instances at their school ? (no need to name names - it's how quickly and firmly the school tackles the problem that's the issue).

[stroudydad]

I have no experience in grammar secondary school, but our primary is terrible, they just don't seem to want to accept that it happens..

[PaterGloucester]

I have no experience in grammar secondary school, but our primary is terrible, they just don't seem to want to accept that it happens..

The only time we have experienced it was at the small village primary our DCs attended before we jumped to indie. To be fair, it was more a case of one individual with 'problems' than any systematic troubles: once he'd been dealt with, no more problem. It took time for the school to admit that he was the culprit, and longer still to do anything about it.

[Amber]

I could write the book, sadly.

I won't though, but I would say please don't assume your (as in one's) child isn't a bully.

Excluding children, name calling, criticising their work, refusing to partner up with someone, are all nasty invidious forms of bullying and very hard for teachers to spot. Schools have a huge part to play but so do parents, and just because one's own child is flourishing at the top of the tree socially doesn't in my view mean that you don't have a responsibility to ensure they really are the nice kid you believe them to be. Good citizenship begins at home - as a parent who has had bullying up to here, all 3 kids, please try to ensure your own child is as kind as they can be, and doesn't turn a blind eye to others bullying.

[Guest55]

We say that 'by-standers' are as much to blame as the perpetrators .. if other pupils know it's going on then they have a responsibility to report it.

[stroudydad]

Couldn't agree more Amber.

[RedVelvet]

I know of one Gloucestershire grammar that when asked about the schools policy on bullying answered that they didn't have a problem with bullying. A very telling response.

[Amber]

I know of one Gloucestershire grammar that when asked about the schools policy on bullying answered that they didn't have a problem with bullying. A very telling response.

We looked at an independent with the same line. Quick march out of the door.

[mum23*]

I believe the most common bullying in most schools including the grammars here is relational bullying also called relational aggression or social bullying. I don't think it is dealt with very well and I agree with Amber that many parents don't or won't believe their child is capable of behaving in this way. I haven't had enough experience of the boys schools but suspect it will be less than with the girls. The main problems will be isolating, damaging others reputation with untrue gossip, manipulating relationships...I absolutely detest this kind of behaviour and also like Amber wish that people would instill a bit of kindness into their offspring. I think some of the grammar schools have a better ethos and working atmosphere than others.

[Amber]

Unsurprisingly I think you are right mum23*. I think whereas shyness and reticence were once fairly common, and were not seen in a necessarily negative light, children from a young age now are taught and encouraged to have the all-important 'high self esteem", which can rather easily become over-confidence, arrogance and a sound belief in their own unique value. So many young children these days (far more than when I started teaching in the 80s) are very 'in your face' and full of lip, which some parents seem to find rather endearing; precocious little girls and arrogant mouthy little boys are now the norm rather than the exception, and by teenage this can lead to, IMHO, very undesirable character traits.

Naturally shy children are very easy targets for exclusion bullying, and schools tend to focus on encouraging them to 'try and join in', to have something interesting to talk about etc. But for the quieter, less outgoing child this can be really hard. I don't want to teach my children that you have to compromise your own personality, unless there are gross or vile aspects of it, in order not to be a target for bullies at school. I endorse mum23*'s wish that parents could just give a tiny bit of their attention to getting their children to look out for others and not just themselves.

Sigh.