11 Plus Exams Forum

help !!! in march i turned down my son's offer from a state school in favour of an indie. now his 3 best friends are going to the state school and he really wants to go with them!! what can i do ? i feel terrible

Don't worry. You chose the school that's right for him. It would be disastrous to pick a school simply because his friends go there. They might move away, or change schools. Or your son might not suit that school and be unhappy. They change so much at this age that the friendships wouldn't necessarily stay central to his life. Make sure they see each other a lot outside school and encourage lots of new friendships.

emmalulu wrote: what can i do ?

Put him on the waiting list.

they all go a bit wibbly wobbly at this stage and going where his mates are going might seem the most important thing in the world. However it is not and he is far too young to a) realise that b) make drastic decisions about it. Need to go back to the reasons you wanted the indie and remember by the end of the first week he will have loads of new friends.

DD left her school and moped all summer about her friends (they were going to about 10 different schools), after about half a term all communications had ceased (apart from occasional messages) as they alll ahd new friends.

thanks for the replies everyone . i feel a little better. he is a shy boy thats why i opted for the indie as the class is small and thought he would be lost at the other school ( i was not thinking about where his friends would end up )

You know your son, he has the friends that were available from the children available. Choosing a school because your friends go there is the worst possible reason. They could well stop being your friends the day you get there. I am always amazed by the parents who let their children choose their school. They are in no way qualified at ten or eleven to make their choice and use random stuff like the certain food being available in the cafe to influence them. Mind you I know a parent who chose her primary school on the basic of the building being aesthetically pleasing! I have watched major friendships rise and fall through primary school and have been amazed how what once seemed watertight disappears to nothing! Go and buy some uniform or some books and get him all fired up again about the exciting place he is going. Perhaps you can get tickets for the end of term concert or play? DG

Please dont worry

My son is the only one from his school going to QE. They recently organised a bowling evening for boys to start this September, at the end of the evening my son had found two to three new friends.

He will make new friends, if they have a list of children starting in September perhaps you can organize meeting up with some of the children and parents.

Best wishes


Ritish

I agree with all of above,

He will make new friends at his new school , and will probably not remain close to his old primary school friends , unless you are very close to their parents as well.

It is also very common , as I know several children at my DD school who have indie places, but they are also saying they want to go to the state school that most of their friends are going to this year.

Good luck