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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 12:35 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2012 8:10 pm
Posts: 28
I have started worrying about what March 1 will bring!!!!

I know all hypothetical but how do you deal with your child's views on the school that you are allocated? How do you deal with disappointment/worry etc?

How does late offer of a place at a school affect children? How do you stop them setting their mind on the school offered if chance they could get place at higher choice on waiting list?

Does child know best or parent?

Thanks


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:32 pm
Posts: 923
My DD now Y8 bitterly regretted choosing the local state comp over grammar, all-girls or indie. It's a good school but she is still not streamed for her fave subjects so has to put up with being surrounded by those with a terrible attitude who make fun of her for showing any interest. Has a good friend now and some varied successes to cheer her up, so we aren't going to move her, just supplementing at home for the areas when the yobbos drown out the teacher, and she will be streamed away from them next year. Luckily streamed for maths (not a fave) so that is working quite well.

The main problem now is DD2 - I'm considering options for her, but DD1 sees that as favouritism. DD2 is very very academic, shy and less outgoing, very upset by bad behaviour, and likes the idea of an academic class and all-girls a lot.

So I wish I had taken more control with DD1, and am struggling with what to do with DD2.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:22 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
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I really don't think they can decide at the age of 10. They have no experience of schools, or indeed life! They will be influenced by where their current friends are going, and such things as whether nice snacks were served in the food tech department at the open evening. It is up to parents to decide what would suit their child best - at least that's my opinion! Of course I asked mine what they thought, but there are ways is selling them the school you believe is right for them (without running down the one they could also end up in :D ).


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:04 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2011 9:06 pm
Posts: 176
scary mum wrote:
I really don't think they can decide at the age of 10. They have no experience of schools, or indeed life! They will be influenced by where their current friends are going, and such things as whether nice snacks were served in the food tech department at the open evening. It is up to parents to decide what would suit their child best - at least that's my opinion! Of course I asked mine what they thought, but there are ways is selling them the school you believe is right for them (without running down the one they could also end up in :D ).


That is spot on!

However we were fortunate both DC loved the Grammar's. My pref initially was for Parmiters but DD did not like it quite so much and was very focussed on WGGS. She did agree to me placing Parmiters as first choice (I must admit this was due to having DD and DS and with no grammar cross sibling policy at the time, Parmiters seemed logical) and equally when she was given a place WGGS at the first round (our second preference) we did not stay on the continued interest list as it was clear DD was delighted.

DS loved WBGS because the Classic department had swords and armour and the boys running around the school blowing trumpets during the open day!!!! :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:08 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:59 am
Posts: 429
Location: N London
Would dd1 want to move, silvery sea? Or could she be persuaded to want to? Those chips on your shoulder when you think a sibling has been favoured, run deep!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:22 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2012 2:11 pm
Posts: 400
We talked to DS1 before allocation day about how he would feel if he didn't get his first choice and how long he'd be prepared to stay on the continuing interest list for his first choice. He decided that if he still hadn't got a place at his first choice by the end of May, then he'd stick with the second choice and make the best of it. Luckily, he got his first choice on 1 March, but I'm glad we had the conversation anyway.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:04 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
Posts: 6684
Location: Herts
They have been at primary school half their life and cannot imagine a world away from their friends. It is absolutely your job to choose for them. I have friends who hate their parents for letting them choose to go to the local sink school with their mates. They can see now what opportunities they have missed out on. Our local school is 51% in the league tables despite the fact that it is surrounded by lovely expensive middle class houses. Our chosen school 8 minutes away on the train is 94%. Does a ten year old understand what those figures really mean? Of course not. My dd's life is full of things that are simply not available to those of their friends who went to the local school. The "bright students will do well whereever they go" is a load of old tosh. You can't be good at hockey if your local school does not actually offer it as an option. You can't find out you really like Latin if you don't actually learn it. Would you let them choose where you should live? So don't let them choose schools because they do not understand what it all means. On the question of waiting lists, stick it out because places do come up. We have friends who got places in July. DG


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:33 am
Posts: 78
Couldn't agree more with Daogroupie. My DD had no choice in which school, we had the choice of three local including one selective. I visited all three without my DD although she had visited all three schools for various events through her primary school and knew pupils at all three. I explained our decision to her and also got her to look at the lists of where leavers went and what they did for each of the schools (far more understandable to a 10 year old than league tables and percentage A/A* results). She realised the selective could offer her greater opportunities than either of the other 2 schools and thus she was determined to do well and get a place. She is now at a school with likeminded children, all eager to do well and enjoying themselves in the process.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 12:01 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:05 am
Posts: 580
It should, in my humble opinion, always be the parents decision! Even at uni level, students are taken in by presentations, slick brochures, what someone has said, etc rather than looking objectively. So, I'd suggest being positive about your secondary school choices, first and insurance and they will follow. X :D good luck all x ps edited to say my DD decided on uni's herself of course, but that our input was asked for as she knew that we would have something to offer...........


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:27 pm
Posts: 620
I think the choice at University should be with the 'young adults' and not the parents. Yes, advice should be offered by the parents but the ultimate decision should be with the 18 year old adult! :wink:


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