Getting Stick?
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I agree that if you make a big thing of it, it is so unfair on the children that didn't pass.
However, if it was a sporting achievement then I'm sure most schools would not hesitate to congratulate the children.
I feel that sometimes we accept that not everyone is of the same ability, especially where sports are concerned, so praise achievement, but then not act like this with regards to academic ability.
However, if it was a sporting achievement then I'm sure most schools would not hesitate to congratulate the children.
I feel that sometimes we accept that not everyone is of the same ability, especially where sports are concerned, so praise achievement, but then not act like this with regards to academic ability.
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ourmaminhavana
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This has moved on from the original post to an area that is and will always be tricky.
How can you reward success without causing hurt? Do we stop having award ceremonies. Take the BAFTA's should they be stopped. What about the Olympics should that be stopped too? I could go on.
Personally I feel children should learn to celebrate other children's successes as it makes for better adults. Sports day should be about having a go doing your best and celebrating those children that are fast and do win even if it is not you.
The 11+ is not for everyone. Grammar schools are not the right school for every child, many would hate them and are far better suited to a less academic enviroment. An enviroment where their hard work would reflect achievement.
Obviously it is wrong to gloat and brag because success does not make you any better than the next person but how boring life would be if we never celebrated anything.
Edit
missed the last two posts when I wrote this
How can you reward success without causing hurt? Do we stop having award ceremonies. Take the BAFTA's should they be stopped. What about the Olympics should that be stopped too? I could go on.
Personally I feel children should learn to celebrate other children's successes as it makes for better adults. Sports day should be about having a go doing your best and celebrating those children that are fast and do win even if it is not you.
The 11+ is not for everyone. Grammar schools are not the right school for every child, many would hate them and are far better suited to a less academic enviroment. An enviroment where their hard work would reflect achievement.
Obviously it is wrong to gloat and brag because success does not make you any better than the next person but how boring life would be if we never celebrated anything.
Edit
missed the last two posts when I wrote thisEvening all ! I have read all this with great interest. I am a mum of a year 5 child and one in year 3. Year 5 parents have always been (dare I say it!!) competitive but apart from two close friends I have never given any opinions etc re tutoring ,NFER scores the 11+ etc. Most Mums though have said that they want the super selectives for their child and I think that the next year could be a bit fraught. Whilst I understand the reasoning behind the school ban on discussion of the 11+ in the classroom and playground I think it is so important to congratulate children on their successes. As a Mum to two children with very different strengths I love to stand at the finish line on sports day to cheer on my younger child who loves sport and sprints to the finish. This is so important as this DC struggles with academic work and gives it 100% all of the time in the classroom with very little reward. For this DC the chance to bask in the cheers and congratulations from peers and parents is priceless.In contrast the eldest one who is not at all sporty is academic and happiest when in maths or science classes.This DC will do their very best when it comes to the 11+ and if he passes I would be delighted if his peers and their parents were able to say well done. I will certainly be congratulating his friends . I do agree though that it might be perceived as insensitive to reveal your DC high scores to other parents but I still think we should be able to say well done to the children that pass and commiserate with those that didn't get the score they wanted on the day .
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Sally Herts
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I think that the thing about sports is - there's always next year/next match etc. To see another child succeed gives them the hope and ambition that next year, they will be there.
With the 11+, there's only one chance. Therefore, for a child who doesn't get in, that's it. They can't aspire to make the school next year. They will never make it.
So much is down to luck on the day, and in the audience there are bound to be children who should have made it, but didn't through no fault of their own.
With the 11+, there's only one chance. Therefore, for a child who doesn't get in, that's it. They can't aspire to make the school next year. They will never make it.
So much is down to luck on the day, and in the audience there are bound to be children who should have made it, but didn't through no fault of their own.
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Sally Herts
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MM, I think you are so right, and well done for showing such self-restraint. 
It’s really tempting to big up your own child in front of others, but I don’t think it does the child any good.
At my DS’s school, one of the mums used to boast about her child from a really young age. You might say she was totally obsessed. Other mums had children who were equally clever, but they kept quiet.
As a result, this lad felt really under pressure, and could not take failure at all. He was also picked on by the other children. He’s at a different school now, but at eight I could certainly see what a bad effect it had had on him. (This was an extreme case!)
This is right off the original post now!
It’s really tempting to big up your own child in front of others, but I don’t think it does the child any good. At my DS’s school, one of the mums used to boast about her child from a really young age. You might say she was totally obsessed. Other mums had children who were equally clever, but they kept quiet.
As a result, this lad felt really under pressure, and could not take failure at all. He was also picked on by the other children. He’s at a different school now, but at eight I could certainly see what a bad effect it had had on him. (This was an extreme case!)
This is right off the original post now!
Taking the "getting stick" point of the original post from BingyBoingy a bit further .
I wondered if anyone has had critcism from people for selecting a non-selective comp as first choice, after their child has taken and passed the eleven-plus.
Although not outwardly critical to our face, we have had "surprise" from a few quarters when other parents & friends found out our choice. - But also we've had a number of supportive comments as well.
In answer to those who have asked "why did you put your child through the stress of the eleven-plus then?"
Our answer was simple: We chose our preferences based on what school would be best for our child (whether it was Grammar or not).
Taking the eleven plus, made sure we had our best opportunity of getting the "right" school.
I wondered if anyone has had critcism from people for selecting a non-selective comp as first choice, after their child has taken and passed the eleven-plus.
Although not outwardly critical to our face, we have had "surprise" from a few quarters when other parents & friends found out our choice. - But also we've had a number of supportive comments as well.
In answer to those who have asked "why did you put your child through the stress of the eleven-plus then?"
Our answer was simple: We chose our preferences based on what school would be best for our child (whether it was Grammar or not).
Taking the eleven plus, made sure we had our best opportunity of getting the "right" school.
The other thing about sports is that they are supposed to be competitive - there will always be winners and losers, and you take part knowing this.
The 11+ is different. Just this one series of tests affects the rest of your child's education. Yes I know a child that will achieve, will do so wherever they go and all that. But peer pressure should never be underestimated, and I do blieve a child will fair much better in an environment where the majority want to learn, than in an environment where the majority do not want to learn.
Of course there will be children who breeze their way through the 11+ as expected. And there will be children who do not sit it or are expected not to pass. But for the vast majority, the average child, it is hit or miss whether they will succeed. And these are the ones I really feel for. They can have put in as much effort throughout their primary education, they can have worked on practice papers leading up to the test, they can have been predicted to pass and predicted to cope well at grammar school ... but they haven't passed by just a few points. I know quite a few in this situation this year
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My DD knows she has done well, she knows we are proud and she knows throughout her school life her teachers and HT have always had praise for her attitude, ability and hard work.
But whilst we should all be proud of our children's achievements, I still think we need to be sensitive towards those that have not passed, and be very careful not to let them feel "a failure" at such a young age.
The 11+ is different. Just this one series of tests affects the rest of your child's education. Yes I know a child that will achieve, will do so wherever they go and all that. But peer pressure should never be underestimated, and I do blieve a child will fair much better in an environment where the majority want to learn, than in an environment where the majority do not want to learn.
Of course there will be children who breeze their way through the 11+ as expected. And there will be children who do not sit it or are expected not to pass. But for the vast majority, the average child, it is hit or miss whether they will succeed. And these are the ones I really feel for. They can have put in as much effort throughout their primary education, they can have worked on practice papers leading up to the test, they can have been predicted to pass and predicted to cope well at grammar school ... but they haven't passed by just a few points. I know quite a few in this situation this year
.My DD knows she has done well, she knows we are proud and she knows throughout her school life her teachers and HT have always had praise for her attitude, ability and hard work.
But whilst we should all be proud of our children's achievements, I still think we need to be sensitive towards those that have not passed, and be very careful not to let them feel "a failure" at such a young age.
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MasterChief
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Has anyone noticed how the lines have shifted at the school gates though?
New alliances and groups of parents have started to form,parents who wouldn't normally give you the time of day now happily start conversations. There are strata within these groups too, those that were tutored, those over 400,those mid range and those who scraped through. I find this quite amusing!
On the OPs subject though, we have been asked our DS's score and have told those who have asked. It is again quite amusing to hear the genuine congratulations by comparison with the "oh, well done" through gritted teeth.
I think it's just other peoples insecurities showing through. I'm genuinely happy for all those who passed,commiserate with those who didn't but the ones I truely feel for are those who would have had a good chance but whose parents didn't think their children were capable when they obviously were. I know of a number of these children and it breaks your heart to see that their parents just don't care about their childrens' education
New alliances and groups of parents have started to form,parents who wouldn't normally give you the time of day now happily start conversations. There are strata within these groups too, those that were tutored, those over 400,those mid range and those who scraped through. I find this quite amusing!
On the OPs subject though, we have been asked our DS's score and have told those who have asked. It is again quite amusing to hear the genuine congratulations by comparison with the "oh, well done" through gritted teeth.
I think it's just other peoples insecurities showing through. I'm genuinely happy for all those who passed,commiserate with those who didn't but the ones I truely feel for are those who would have had a good chance but whose parents didn't think their children were capable when they obviously were. I know of a number of these children and it breaks your heart to see that their parents just don't care about their childrens' education
"We've got a date with Destiny and it looks like she's ordered the lobster."
Don't know whether anyone's said this, but one think I think is that we sould caution our children about sharing scores and so on. My dd (who only just passed) was made very miserable for a while by a 'full mark-er' who took every opportunity to suggest that she wouldn't cope at grammar school because she 'scraped through" and she only passed by luck and so on.
I think once the test is done it should be put in a black box and locked away (as my brother put it) and the focus should then be on enjoying the rest of year 6 and thinking about the next school. The test is a means to an end, not an end in itself (despite appearances to the contrary on her sometimes!)
I think once the test is done it should be put in a black box and locked away (as my brother put it) and the focus should then be on enjoying the rest of year 6 and thinking about the next school. The test is a means to an end, not an end in itself (despite appearances to the contrary on her sometimes!)
