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 Post subject: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 2:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:54 am
Posts: 14
Hi everyone!
Being new to all this as we've recently moved to Kent from Nottinghamshire (non grammar area) and our DS being the eldest I'm wondering if people's expectations are different depending on if they have been through this before? I suppose what I'm asking is will I feel just as blind to what the outcome could be when it comes to DC 2&3?....I don't think my nerves can go through it another 2 times!!
As we moved only recently I've been preparing DS only since approx January, I tried to ask school if he is 11+ material but they have been VERY tight lipped about the whole thing, and as I didn't know any of the mums I didn't get any info from there either. So put him through and prepared as best we could with lots of help from this site (thank goodness!!) but this waiting now is TORTURE! I think mostly because I honestly don't have a clue if he will have passed/failed/got top marks or anything as I have nothing to compare it to. Have tried really hard not to show any of this to my DS as I really don't want him to feel any pressure but I think I will feel a bit guilty for putting him through extra practice (especially in the summer hols) if he then doesn't pass...I'm sure we all feel the same that our DC really deserve it after all the effort.
Please tell me I'm not the only one what if-ing myself to death?? :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 2:23 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:28 pm
Posts: 2439
You are not alone! The whole process is horrible, and possibly worst with subsequent siblings because you know what is involved (sorry).

Schools are not allowed to do any 11+ stuff in school (although some obviously do), and many teachers are surprisingly ignorant of what is involved in the test. Parents can also be secretive and you will find that the mum who says that they haven't done any extra work will have had a tutor since the child was six months old :lol:

We all feel guilty as parents - have we done enough, taken the right course action, etc. Its perfectly normal. We all want the best for our children, and unfortunately, in Kent that involves the 11+ exam.


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:54 am
Posts: 14
Thanks pheasantchick!..good to know I'm not alone!
But not the answer I was hoping for as regards to subsequent DC's :lol:
It really is horrible isn't it!? And I really hate the whole secrecy thing that goes on at school too, I'm fine about the school not coaching the kids for it but surely it wouldn't hurt them to help parents to go through the process and advise them about how to apply etc.
And the parents have not given anything away either, it's only since they have taken the tests that I now know that half my DS's class took the test and that most of them have had private tutors, I understand the kids are all in theory in competition with each other but when we are talking about god knows how many thousands taking it does it really matter? And I'm not talking about giving away your prized tutors names either, just an acknowledgment that their DC are taking the test would have been something!! Just to have moral support!!...sorry rant over! :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:46 am
Posts: 421
Hi there I dont know which part of Kent you are in but we are fortunate in West kent to have lots of 'good schools'. Unfortunately due the the system many of them seem inferior just because they are not Grammar. However, I can asure you that is not always the case. For example Hayesbrook in Tonbridge has been an Outstanding school for many years and boys are just as capable of getting results there. My eldest went there and went on to get a degree at Exeter so you dont have to go to one of the Grammar school to suceed in this area.
I have had a son also at a superselective in this area - he also went on to get a degree but I cant say the stress to get him there was worth it. :wink:
As all children are different you may find that looking around schools in your area will give you a clearer indication on which is right for all your children. Not all schools suit every child.
I think everyone will agree its such a stressful time and I certainly wish you all the best! :)


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:47 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 11:54 am
Posts: 14
Hi Tonbridgemum,

I'm sure you are completely right and I will feel a lot better after all our school viewings, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we love not only our local grammars but also the other secondary schools too...will make this wait a lot more bearable! our first viewing is next week and it's for a secondary school just round the corner from us so hope it's good!!
We live in Maidstone and unfortunately as we moved in-year we didn't get our DC's into the local primary school (all full-another school nightmare!!) so most of DS's friends who don't go on to grammar will be going to a secondary school too far for us.
The idea of grammar school had never even crossed our minds until we moved here!! Really wish we didn't have the option. :?
Thank you for your reassuring words..feel a bit calmer!! :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 6:32 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
You can go round and round in circles , over analysing it all and I've decided to think positive and tell myself whatever happens, it will all work out for the best. I did get myself in a bit of a stressed out state when my eldest took the test in 2010 , and I spent results day rushing around , taking a supplementary form into the plan B school ( telling myself he hadn't passed ) then buying him a congrats card ( telling myself that of course he had passed )and then spending the afternoon refreshing my emails to see if the results had come early. By school pick up I was on the verge of a huge nervous collapse..I'm surprised DH didn't need to give me a firemans lift to the school. When the head came over to speak to me ..I waved her away shrieking " I can't possibly talk to you now "

So, we are all the same :) You just need to tell your DS how clever he is just to be able to take the test . Someone also said on here to only worry when you have something to worry about and that's my new mantra :D


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:18 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:40 pm
Posts: 966
What a good mantra scarlett - I shall use it too. It may be helpful during the early hours of the morning when I am willing myself to think about something else and go back to sleep! I am with pheasantchick - the stress gets worse with every child. And yet I do agree with Tonbridge mum that really wherever they go provided they work they can do just as well. I would just prefer not to be thinking all these things before it gets light in the morning!


Last edited by neurotic kent mum on Wed Sep 19, 2012 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:13 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
My mantra is only worry that you have nothing to worry about, and if you really have something to worry about, forget it.


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:37 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:40 pm
Posts: 966
Mystery -brilliant!


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 Post subject: Re: Expectations?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2012 12:11 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:21 pm
Posts: 181
Location: Medway/Kent
This is mine - Hold your face towards the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.
Works for me in times of need

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