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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:23 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:50 am
Posts: 5
It's day 2 of the Kent tests. I've just walked my daughter to school and now I'm home I find myself browsing this site to try and make sense of this crazy process... Having been fine in the practice tests my daughter broke down in tears yesterday and eventually explained how it had all gone wrong on the day. She started to panic, then cry silently and didn't manage to finish apparently filling in an alarming number of guesses in the final few minutes. It took a good couple of hours reassurance, cuddles and chocolate but I'm pretty sure she knows I think she's the best 'nomatterwhat', I love her 'nomatterwhat' and I believe she will succeed in life regardless of how she does in the 11plus. So why am I sharing this? Is there anybody else who is beating themselves up about letting their child go through this? I know she finds test situations really difficult and as I'm writing this, she's sitting her maths, the area she's least confident in! Guilty mum.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:46 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
Posts: 6963
Location: East Kent
I must admit my children (especially my son) were quite laid back about the test. I sometimes think it was better iin teh dark and distant pass when we all took teh eleven plus. There didn;t seem to be so much pressure then. Mind you time has probably blunted my memory as it was 40 years ago!

I think you have done teh right thing to reassure her that you are proud of her ' no matter what'

Hope she had a better experience today.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:50 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:27 pm
Posts: 269
Location: somewhere in kent
Hi there,

dont feel guilty. Thing are not always what they seem......

Last year 24/50 questions in maths would have been a pass (48%)

I imagine it may have done her some good last night, to get that all out of her system, before todays maths.

My daughter had the same test yesterday

Good luck

Cindy


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:57 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
Ah. My heart goes out to you and your daughter! You are obviously a great, caring mum, try to not feel guilty...


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:40 am 
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 8:55 pm
Posts: 851
Location: Bexley
Dear nomatterwhat. I was so sorry to read your post. I'm sure in years to come people will look back and wonder how on earth we could allow this to happen to our children! My son was an absolute bag of nerves before his 11+ in Bexley. So much so that I entered him for the Kent test and an independent because I was convinced he would go to pieces and wanted him to have another crack at the whip. So, ironically, a boy who is overly-anxious about tests is having to do more tests than normal! Even worse is that the independent tests are on Friday and the Kent tests on Saturday!

He actually seemed to cope OK with the Bexley tests and, if I'd know this would be the case, I probably wouldn't have put him in for two others. But I feel it would be tempting fate to withdraw him from one or both at this stage. His teacher told me that she had two girls being physically sick before the first test. I know when my eldest son did his 11+ two years ago one of his friends put down his pencil and burst into tears during the NVR paper (he consequently missed the passmark but his parents got him into a grammar on appeal).

I think it's particularly cruel that some of the papers (usually seems to be NVR and VR) are so tight on time. So, in an already stressful situation, children have the added anxiety of knowing that time is running out. I don't know about you, but if I'm under pressure to do something within in tight time limit, I just can't think straight. I really don't see why 10 and 11 year olds should be assessed on their ability to keep calm when racing against the clock.

It's also such a fine line to tread between keeping them calm but making them understand that, actually, it is quite important so they should put the effort in (I adopted a very softly, softly approach with my eldest and then realised - fortunately in time - that he was rather too laid back about the whole thing!).

It sounds as if you did exactly the right thing with her and I'm sure you'll make another fuss of her again tonight. By the weekend she will no doubt have forgotten all about it. I wish her the very best of luck.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:51 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:19 pm
Posts: 14
Location: KENT
Don’t feel guilty, it sounds to me as though you have re inforced the most important message nomatterwhat

I find myself feeling guilty, Everyday!!!!

Guilty that I should have done more work with her
Guilty that I should have had more confidence in my daughter and put our preferred Grammar (Very Selective) down as one of our 3 choices.
Guilty that she has to go through this at 10 years old. :cry:

How do I console myself? I don’t, I just make sure that like you, I keep telling her that we love her that the most important thing is that she is happy and that we are immensely proud of the effort she puts into all her work.

The result? Lots of effort very little stress (from her at least :D


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8112
Glad to hear about the chocolate being administered ...... I sometimes try and prescribe to young patients but can't get it on the NHS yet, despite the fact that the tryptophan is good for depression and most importantly it is a real comfort food., :wink:
... I do get some horrified looks from parents though!!!



mmm takes me back to discussions last year $while waiting for results when we were stuck into virtual jaffa cakes... :)


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:39 pm
Posts: 129
I think guilt comes with being a parent. I feel guilty as well that we had to do some 11+ work over the Christmas holidays when myy son is only 10! Ten years old! He shuold be out playing with his friends or something, not stuck inside doing NVR!

The sooner they change the system and sort children out according to the work over their whole school career, the happier I will be. There are children in my son's class who have been very average (and below) all their school lives, but they will pass the 11+ because they have been tutored to within an inch of their lives and it makes me mad! That puts pressure on the kids who would normally have walked into a grammar school place, and soon everyone is in a vicious circle of studying to pass the stupid exam. :x

Sorry, didn't mean that to turn into a rant!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:15 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
Maybe we need to start a petition for the Government or something!


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 Post subject: Day 2...
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:50 am
Posts: 5
First of all, thank you for all your replies and kind words on what has been a difficult couple of days. My daughter is home now and I'm pleased to say there were no tears or panic attacks during today's maths and writing task.
It is really interesting to read about parents' and children's feelings and experiences on here. Now though, I am going to cook a special meal to celebrate the fact that it's over for the moment and to recognise all her hard work.


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