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 Post subject: one pass one fail
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:45 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:47 pm
Posts: 22
got the letters this morning,one twin has passed and one twin has failed.For the twin that failed the scores are too low for an appealour head saw us early and i trust her word so i know we have our final answers.

im so proud of both of them for their efforts,i know my clever twin who didnt pass this test will go on to flourish but its hard.

good luck to those still waiting ***


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:41 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:15 pm
Posts: 483
Location: North Kent (surprise!)
Hi Twinmum

Read your post and can't imagine what your family are feeling, it must be so hard.

I wanted to reply as whilst not being in your situation last year, had only 1 DD waiting for results, she failed 11+ by few points on the maths paper and I remember the devastated feeling especially as the school she was allocated was never going to be an option, "how could they think I'd send my DD there!" You want to be pleased for everyone else but deep down there's that feeling of it's not fair as my DD is as good as there's, for you it must be worse as it's within your family.

However, the reason for posting is to say that despite how you must be feeling things will turn out OK. One year on DD is excelling in the school she eventually went to, it's mixed ability and she is near the top of her class, that may not have happened at Grammar, she is confident, happy, involved in many school activities and most definitely this was the right choice for her. We all wish the best for our children and Grammar is an obvious route to go down however for some children this may not be the best choice.

You know both your children and I know that when you look back in one years time, like me, you will see how happy, confident and well rounded both of them are at both their schools and it won't matter that one isn't at Grammar as they will both be excelling in their own way, we can ask no more for our children.

Sorry long post but your situation touched me and I wanted you to know that it will be OK.

_________________
NKM


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 10:53 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:45 pm
Posts: 827
Location: Medway & Kent
twinmum, i wish you well for both your children. i am sure with a caring sensitive supportive mum like you they will both do wonderful things in their secondary educational life.


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 Post subject: Re: one pass one fail
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 11:03 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:28 am
Posts: 77
twinmum wrote:
got the letters this morning,one twin has passed and one twin has failed.For the twin that failed the scores are too low for an appealour head saw us early and i trust her word so i know we have our final answers.

im so proud of both of them for their efforts,i know my clever twin who didnt pass this test will go on to flourish but its hard.

good luck to those still waiting ***


It might be a wonderful turning point in the lives of both your daughters. By being at different schools, they will not be continually compared to each other. Each will develop as a person in their own right, rather than being seen assomeone's sister.

My two nieces are twins. In primary school they were like clones of each other, taking refuge with one another in times of challenge. They had to go their separate ways at secondary, where they individually blossomed and thrived, going on to become very confident and successful young women.

"Behind every cloud..."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 8:19 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:47 pm
Posts: 22
thankyou everyone for your kind words,this morning it was awful because twin who failed was so devastated but the school were so kind and shes been able to chat to some friends who also failed or simply chose our local comp and now shes feeling better.

ive also been feeling bad for my twin who passed because she has felt like she hasnt been able to celebrate as openly in case it upsets her sister.but we are already over the worst of it i think.

And yes i agree that going their own ways will do them the world of good,j has always been the one to worry about s and if shes ok and how shes doing but now shes failed but she can go on to have her own space to flourish in and think of herself a lot more.

s thrives on pressure,the school think grammar is a great way to give her that pressure to thrive on and j will thrive in a more relaxed atmosphere.thankyou again :)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 9:07 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:45 pm
Posts: 827
Location: Medway & Kent
It sounds like it will all work out for you all. Being at different schools, they may treasure they time together more!
I have a boy and a girl, the girl just off to girls grammar and I feel bit sad that they will not be at school together anymore like they are now in primary. Only two years apart they are close. However I agree that it will make them more independent especially the younger one who thinks he is lord of the school as he knows all the year sixes!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 1:10 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:32 am
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Hi Twinmum,
I can really sympathise with your situation completely and know how it can break your heart in two. My twins are now both in year 11. I just wanted to let you know how the situation developed for us and to reassure you. I have three sons. The first went to Grammar School and then my twins took the eleven plus. It was my gut feeling that one would definitely pass and the other would be borderline. When the results came, they both had not got the required scores. They sat the test in Kent. The one that I thought would pass missed by 33 and the one who was more borderline missed by 15. We were in a real dilemma. The primary School head said that they would back the son who missed by 33 but not the one who missed by 15. My husband and I were in turmoil but knew that we had to go on with the appeals. The son who was backed by the school at first appeal was then offered a place. The other son was not. I have to say that this was one of the worst moments of my life. We fought on and went to an appeal hearing for our other son to no avail.
The son who went to Grammar School was in the first year group to undertake the accelerated curriculum. He passed all his GCSEs last year and the other twin is taking his this year. I do think that they have benefited in some ways from not being together . The benefit is that as they have grown up they are not in each others shadows and are able to stand on their own and enjoy being with each other socially and introducing new friends to each other and playing sports etc.
The pleasing ending for me is that the son who does not go to Grammar School has applied to the 6th form at his brothers school and has been accepted subject to grades of course. Although they are now becoming adults I do think that it is nice that they started their education together and will finish it together. They seem pleased and it was their idea!
Please don't feel too upset. I remember at the time thinking that this was a sign that they were growing up. When mine went to secondary school they had never been in different classes never mind schools. They've survived and it all seems a very long time ago now.
I wish all of you the best for the future. Its a difficult time but all you can do is be there for both of them.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:04 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:45 pm
Posts: 827
Location: Medway & Kent
Nice story Susieh, and to think your two may end up together again is great. :)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 11:32 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:47 pm
Posts: 22
thankyou so much everyone.i called in to speak to my daughters teacher last friday and he is saying i should still appeal,she was 17 points short which he says is bad but he said that her scores on the tests do not reflect her high academic ability and that despite the heads initial wariness the school are going to back j 100% given the fact that she had some things going on at the time that were not so good for her and that she is academically worthy of it.

They also said that with the fact that we can provide academic evidence,mitigating circumstances and that as a twin it would possibly be damaging not to be educated at the same level as her sister we really should appeal.

i know now i have to try,i know the chances are slim but if we dont try ill always wonder if i should have done.if i get no where ill gracefully accept that i did all i could for her and its wonderful and very helpful to hear of other twins who have gone in different directions and thrived.thankyou!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
What a dreadful time you and your family must be going through Twinmum. I hope it all works out for you all.
I am an identical twin. When we sat our 11 + many years ago, our mother was concerned that one may get in to grammar and the other may not. All the signs were that we would both pass, but out of the two of us, I was the one who had much less confidence in my abilities.
We did both pass, much to my mother's relief, and ended up in the same class sitting next to each other - due to alphabetial ordering of surnames. I can honestly say that it was the WORST thing that could have happened to us - particularly me. She was not always the dominant twin - it fluctuated over the years - but during that transitional time from primary to grammar school, she was definitely the more dominant one. We fought like cat and mouse (!!!!! I was the mouse!!!!!). It was done in such an underhand way that the teachers did not seem to notice it. I don't remember much learning going on where we were sitting. With the benefit of hindsight, we needed to be in separate classes, or even separate schools. We needed different friends and experiences so that we had something that belonged to just us. We even shared the same clothes - including underwear - until we were 16!!
Please do not think that my mother (single parent) was to blame. She did everything to raise us as individuals. We never wore identical 'twin' clothing. We were allowed to develop our own personalities and interests etc. HOWEVER, nothing belonged to just one of us. Same bedroom, friends, clothes etc etc.
Maybe your girls do not have this experience.
I just wanted to say (badly, probably) that this might be the best thing to happen to your daughters - although the feeling of 'failiure' may pose a problem initially.
I hope this post makes sense. Good luck getting through this situation. I can imagine how your daughters may be feeling, particularly the daughter who did not receive the good news as I was always told by my twin that I would not 'pass'. I always wished I hadn't. I think I would also have benefitted from being a more able child in a mixed ability school, rather than a more average child in a grammar.


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