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PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:48 pm
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Now i`m unsure of whether to apply for a grammar school place or not.

Dd goes to a very small primary school and only 11 pupils took the test. Out of those dd was the only one who passed.

My brother was the only one from his school (the same one) to go to grammar and he really suffered for it, ending with him having a mini-breakdown and only just scraping through his exams (was years ago, before GCSE so not sure what they were. CSEs?) after loads of time off. I myself passed the 11+ (or whatever the equivelent was back then) and refused point blank to go to grammar as none of my friends were going and i knew i would be unhappy.

My brother is now telling me i shouldnt send her as she will suffer from not having people she knows around her, and better for her to go to a NS school and excel with her friends around her.

I agree to a point that it wouldve been the right choice for him, and was probably the right choice for me. But i underachieved at my comprehensive as i found the work too easy to begin with, and as a result got complacent and put zero effort into my coursework and exams. i got passable results, but nowhere near what i shouldve got.

I recognise the same traits in my dd and know that she would be better off at GS from an academic point of view, as she needs to have the encouragment to reach her potential. She does make friends easily, but has a tendency to fall out with friends easily too. I dont want to make her unhappy and lonely and sacrifice her wellbeing for the sake of her education, but i want her to do well.

She was eager to go to GS but is now slightly dubious because she will be leaving behind friends that she has known since the age of 3.

Help!!!!

_________________
Kelly M Reeves


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:56 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
Posts: 6966
Location: East Kent
A lot depends on your daughter. Both my children had made friends with an entirely different group of children by the first half term. My daughter had no-one from her school in her class and although they clung together in the playground for a few weeks they soon went their separate ways.

When I went to the Y6 evening at my son;s prospective grammar the head boy gave a brilliant speech all about how he had been tehe only boy from his primary school to go to grammar and how it had made him be pro-active in finding friends.

At least in kent we can now apply for schools armed with the test results.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:33 pm
Posts: 29
Location: Kent
Hello,
I really think that you should go for a GS for your daughter...the pastoral care in all the grammar schools I have looked at seems to be very important these days with vertical tutor groups etc etc (I have looked at 4 grammars and they all make a point of looking after the girls who may not have any friends there...I asked about it as my daughter may be the only one going too) I would talk to the GS you are interested in and let them know your concerns.
Congratulations by the way :)


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:35 am 
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Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:00 am
Posts: 438
Keljbj,

Three years ago my daughter was the only one from her school and group of friends, whom she'd known since the age of 3, to qualify for grammar school. She was a very shy and quiet girl and I had many a sleepless night wondering if we'd done the right thing. In the end we opted for the grammar in the belief that it would be easier, if things didn't work out at the grammar, to change to the non selective.

I needn't have worried. She's currently in top sets for everything in year 9 and having the time of her life. She's totally come out of her shell and has made a huge group of new friends. She does still see her old friends but the difference to me is quite marked, she is so far advanced academically than them it's hard to believe. They ask her to help with their homework only for her to find it's something she'd done last year.

This year my son was also the only one from his school to attend grammar and I just knew it would be the right thing. He's already made lots of new friends and his diary is quite full for the half term!

Like you I too underperformed at the local comp, for various reasons, and could see this happening to my children.

I hope you make the right decision for your daughter. I agree with wonderingmum that the pastoral care in schools today is far better than years ago, was there any then? You should contact the school with any concerns, I'm sure they'd put your mind at rest.

Good Luck with any decision you make.
Scatshouse.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:07 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:59 am
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Quote:
keljbj "She does make friends easily, but has a tendency to fall out with friends easily too".


:lol: That's girls for you -my daughter is just like that! So really it's likely to be the same whichever school you choose.

Good Luck - I am sure you will make the right decision for your daughter!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:18 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 1:05 pm
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Maybe you should look at the position more pragmatically. If DD enters GS and decides it's not for her, I would assume that it will be easier to transfer to non-selective than if she starts at non-selective and wishes to transfer to GS.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:31 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:42 pm
Posts: 193
Obviously it does vary from child to child.

My son was the only one who the test in his class as most were going to the Catholic senior school - which he couldn't go to.

He made friends in no time, but is a confident boy.

I think most on this forum would say go for the GS and see what happens.

Kids are more resilient than we tend to think.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:50 am 
Agree with dadofkent and also if you don't give her this opportunity you could both regret it in the long run. I also don't think we should let other peoples experiences dictate ours. My friends son won a full scholarship to an independent school but because he had been unhappy at one he turned it down! :?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:30 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:00 pm
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Location: Gravesend, Kent
Please, please don't forsake your dd's education for this reason - I am the daughter of a former soldier and went to a total of 11 schools during my childhood, very often entering a strange school, in a strange area where I didn't know anyone (I'm also an only child). I feel that this experience was character-building and teaches an important life-skill. Your dd will not be able to to start employment with her friends and realising that at the age of 11 she managed to make new friends and survived will make surely make the step into the big wide world easier for her.

I do also remember that we were actually posted in the one area when I finished primary school and started secondary and that after a short period of time lots of people had completely different groups of friends to the one's they had at primary school.

My son is one of only three boys in his school to have passed so no doubt he will be making new friends too, come next September.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:36 pm
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As a teacher in a Kent grammar school, I find that there are usually only a couple of children at most from any one primary school in each class. There are a huge number of feeder schools and most children are starting from scratch in terms of friends. Even if there are a few children going from the same school, they will probably be in different form groups. For some children, it's a great opportunity to 'reinvent' themselves.


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