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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:14 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:09 pm
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Daughter has just passed the test, and at first was really happy and excited. I have sent the caf in with the grammar school as first choice.

Unfortunately, for the last two days, she has suddenly had doubts as she has said that none of her friends have got in. From her school , 6 children took the test, and she was the only one that passed, and another friend that goes to a different school didn't get in either.

I have tried to explain to her, that when you go to secondary , a lot of friends split as they all choose to go to different schools.

She does know children that go the to grammar school, that are there from previous years, in fact her best friend is in the year above, but I think she is scared of turning up on her own. I have explained to her that you have induction days, so you can meet all the children that are going and make new friends, but she is unsure.

She also seems to be a bit embarrassed that she got in and the other children didn't , and she is concerned that she would not be able to cope once at the school.

So I went to talk to her primary school teacher, to ask for her score to see how she did, if she just passed or had a good pass and if she thought she was capable and would be able to cope. The teacher said that passing the 11 plus didn't really mean anything , as the tests don;t show ability , it is just if the kids are lucky enough to have a good day when they take the test. She did say that she would be able to cope and she should do well at the school, but I think when my daughter heard what she had said about the tests, she felt a bit deflated and it knocked her confidence. . Also, they said that they had not got the scores yet, but I have to say that I feel the school is a bit anti 11 plus, as we have had no information or help about anything in the last year before the exams. Other parents have said to me, that when their child has passed in previous years, they don't really care and instead of the school being proud for the kids, they don;t really acknowledge the children at all.

What I want to know is, has anyone else's child had doubts about going to the grammar school and did they turn down the place, or did they go and settle in and are now happy.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:24 am 
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Location: Reading
My DD didn't have doubts but she was one of only 2 that passed from her junior and the other wasn't really a friend (although no issues between them). When she got there the school had deliberately split up people coming from the same school to encourage them to make new friends so it really didn't matter whether there were people she knew or not. DD has retained the primary friendships that mattered and welcomed the chance for new ones - as well as relishing the chance to put some known queen bees behind her. She has made really, really good friends at GS.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:29 am 
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In my experience being split from friends is a common fear at this transition, especially for girls. In terms of what the teacher possibly meant, there will have been many children who could also "cope" at the grammar school, but simply didn't pass this test. It is worth bearing in mind that she will be sitting exactly the same GCSEs in 5 years as her current classmates wherever they end up - she isn't off on some huge leap straight to A levels etc, so it may be worth pointing that out to her.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:41 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:09 pm
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I am pleased to here that they encourage the children to mix and make other friends. My daughter is generally outgoing and full of confidence , and gets on with everyone, in fact sometimes she is a bit full on, bless her. I think a lot of it must just be the fear of change and new surroundings , and the general leap from small school is big school. I have told her to wait and see if she is offered a place, depending on if they are over subscribed etc , and that if she does go and really can't settle and does not like it, then we can ask to move her to a different school.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:03 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:02 pm
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I think this might be a slightly unfashionable view, so am prepared for people to disagree. But I do think that this is a decision for the parent, not the child. Obviously the child's views matter, and as parents you know your own children better than anyone. But if you're sure that your child will be happy at the grammar, you should make that decision for her. They're still just kids.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 12:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2013 9:21 pm
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Although I'm not in Lincolnshire I would echo what others have said about friendships and settling into high school.

My eldest knew no-one at her grammar, she was the only one of the three who sat the test who passed (we are not really in a grammar area). The school, like others, has a policy of splitting people up so that new friendships have to be made. Any fears were overcome at the induction day and many of the people she met on that day are still her best friends now. She still is in contact with many of her old friends via Scouts and Sport and social media, so she does not feel that anything has been lost.

My middle child has just started year 7 and had more initial fears that the eldest mainly as she was part of a small tight friendship group at primary. She did not make the same friendships at the induction day and was wary of starting without knowing anyone. However I can safely say that she has settled in wonderfully and made lots of new friends whilst still remaining in contact with some of her old ones.

I did say to both that if the school did not work out, I'd apply for a move to the closer comprehensive, but this has never crossed their minds. Its always worth giving it a go!


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