Independent vs Grammar

[curiousman]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

So basically it boils down to kid's abilities. How do you know which school fits the kids abilities/ natural inclinations more?

[Reading Mum]

visit both schools and ask lots of questions - of staff and pupils. Try and find current parents to talk to

[Catlady]

curiousman, have you asked your child which school he/she prefers? If money isn't the problem then ask him/her. It's important for the child to be part of the decision as it's their lives - all other things being equal.

[Eccentric]

Having had to move my daughter after her first year at secondary school I am a great believer in going with instinct. DD was insistent that the school that she is at now was the right school for her right from the first time she stepped into it. She proved to be right and is very happy and doing well. Ask your son where he feels he fits in.

I would add that if you think you can just afford school fees to think about all the additional costs. Can you keep up with paying for all the school trips, and extracurricular stuff on top of the fees? I know of children whose parents send them to indies and they feel too embarrassed to have their friends home because they don't live in such nice houses and they are singled out for not having the same stuff as the more affluent kids. I know many people who have been to indies and have just wasted the opportunity and many who have thrived when they would not have done so at a comp. I think that it depends on the child. Go with what your son thinks, they are both good options so he is more likely to work hard where he feels comfortable.

[Yamin151]

I would add that if you think you can just afford school fees to think about all the additional costs. Can you keep up with paying for all the school trips, and extracurricular stuff on top of the fees? I know of children whose parents send them to indies and they feel too embarrassed to have their friends home because they don't live in such nice houses and they are singled out for not having the same stuff as the more affluent kids. I know many people who have been to indies and have just wasted the opportunity and many who have thrived when they would not have done so at a comp. I think that it depends on the child. Go with what your son thinks, they are both good options so he is more likely to work hard where he feels comfortable.

I feel like a broken record.
1. My experience is the trips at an indie no more expensive, sometimes less so, than a state school (no ski trips to America in our indie, but ones to usa in local state!)
2. Money not spent on school fees is not 'free'd up' to pay for said school trips in state system if, as In many cases the money for fees is borrowed. If there were no school fees the parents would not be borrowing for school trips. Either they have the spare money for a school trip or they don't.
3. Other than school trips, available at both schools, there are no additionals e have to pay for at indie. We are encouraged to pay into the state school
4. If people see too embarrassed to bring a friend home from a wealthy background because their house is more modest, I'd suggest the problem is with them, not the choice of school. Apart from the fact that most indies now have about the same mix, wealth wise, as a decent grammar school, any well brought up child pays no heed to where their friends live, once a real friendship has been built. And I can assure the OP that phone/tablet/holiday/gadget envy is just as bad in state school ss indie.

[Eccentric]

As with most things I think that different people have different experiences. I think it depends upon the indie. I know that my nephews indie has very expensive trips and the uniform itself is enough to break the bank. At his school the extra support costs too.

[Yamin151]

Yes of course, I totally understand that and I agree.

What I find very frustrating is that it is well recognised and acknowledged on here that different state schools have different facilities, different demographics, more or less money, are more or less demanding of the students, the parents, etc, but all Indies are shoved together in one homogenous lump - all full of one strata of society, all charging the earth for school trips, uniform etc and all expecting parents to shell out frequently for "extras" - it puts people off and its simply not the case.

And the naivety of suggesting that a child who attends a private school will not 'mix' with a varied range from society, then going on to suggest a child is more socially balanced by attending a school that only takes the top 5% of academic children (and most of those will be middle class) is laughable.

[mad?]

Yes of course, I totally understand that and I agree.

What I find very frustrating is that it is well recognised and acknowledged on here that different state schools have different facilities, different demographics, more or less money, are more or less demanding of the students, the parents, etc, but all Indies are shoved together in one homogenous lump - all full of one strata of society, all charging the earth for school trips, uniform etc and all expecting parents to shell out frequently for "extras" - it puts people off and its simply not the case.

And the naivety of suggesting that a child who attends a private school will not 'mix' with a varied range from society, then going on to suggest a child is more socially balanced by attending a school that only takes the top 5% of academic children (and most of those will be middle class) is laughable.

Top post Yamin, very true.

[mjuly]

I think the major factor is cost.As a rule of thumb to calculate the total outlay,budget for 8 years with the extra year accounting for inflation and this will be a considerable sum.For some this will not be an issue as money is no object but for others it will be the deciding factor.This money could pay for university fees or even a sizeable deposit for your child,not to mention paying off a mortgage or contributing into a pension.IMHO if you have a grammar place then take it and save the money, safe in the knowledge your child will be getting a good education but with no frills attached.

[mjuly]

I have read somewhere that the no.1 factor in academic achievement is peer pressure and not genetics(although many parents would like to think so).
Seeing other kids pulling their socks up is a great motivator.
I think you will see this in abundance in both indies and grammars