Anyone else the poorest in the school ?

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:31 pm

KatieDD wrote:Horrid children in the private sector are a massive concern, I'd hate think I was paying to have them bullied but I met a teacher today who basically said the (current state) school will not be able to ensure my youngest isn't hit and the private school says that such a child wouldn't get through their doors, so that pretty much makes my mind up.

Bullying comes in all shapes and forms.
Have you looked at any other state primaries that have a different catchment? we, due to relocation have our youngest (aged5) in a school with "challenging children". Prior to the move we were in a voluntary aided state primary where the parents shared common values and the kids were lovely.It was very high achieving too.
Vacancies occur even in highly sought after state primary schools. in my opinion if it really will mean no holiday ever , even in the U.K or no hobbies/ days out and the slightest change of circumstances might cast you into financial trouble then at least look at the good state primaries .
Good luck and best wishes whatever you do though.

KatieDD · Post by **KatieDD** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:51 pm

Well no our circumstances now are the worse they will ever be, we'll no doubt inherit something, DH will get a job, I will get bonus' things can only get better. They've done Disney, had foreign holidays etc and I think they can take it or leave it for now, I don't mind taking them on holiday when they are 30, does it have to be when they are younger ?
Unfortunately I think I've just lost faith in the state system not because they aren't up to the job but because the squeeky wheel seems to get the oil and ours aren't putting their hands up, volunteering what ever is required to get the best out of state education.

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:43 pm

KatieDD wrote:Unfortunately I think I've just lost faith in the state system not because they aren't up to the job but because the squeeky wheel seems to get the oil and ours aren't putting their hands up, volunteering what ever is required to get the best out of state education.

Sounds like yours have done quite well already, e.g disney which helps.

I do know what you mean.Our little one retreated into herself in a noisy class of thirty, some children in there are quite troubled. She has finished her reception year now.
Now middle DD has left primary, I am toying with a move to a better(state) primary.However I worry that I might unsettle her more by moving her.She might become quieter.( she is not quiet or unconfident at home) We could move her to a much better school but it might not improve her social confidence.In fact it could do the opposite.
Being a parent is really hard sometimes when you genuinely don't know what is best.

starlight · Post by **starlight** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 9:46 pm

My kids went to state primary,then prep and now private secondary. Latter is with financial assistance. I have noticed various comments from my children about what other children are doing (holidays etc) and why can't we? As someone who went private many years ago, I was not well off and was only aware of other children's wealth if we visited their homes and I was never made to feel inadequate.

However, I have noticed that some of my child's friends do appear to have inordinate supplies of money and in particular the amount which is spent on birthday presents has been quite surprising. We carry on as we have always done and I think it is just something the children get used to. There are just as many wealthy families in our local grammar system so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Good luck with your decision.

FirstTimeBuyer · Post by **FirstTimeBuyer** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:16 pm

KatieDD

Would endorse comments about parents at an Indie being a mixed lot. It takes all sorts, and you will no doubt find a few kindred spirits, (and have a few horror stories to swap around).
Dont assume however that all Indies are academic, and would therefore suit DD1. They are not, and the relative emphasis on more serious-minded matters can vary greatly. Did you take up TIPSY's offer on the first page?

As regards the HM's comment that no recalcitrant child would darken their doorstop.....it depends. DSs prep accepted a boy would had clearly been slung out of another prep, and a catalogue of incidents do not appear to have made his presence precarious, we suspect because of fees considerations. This may not be a widespread practice, but who knows?

Good luck with difficult decision.

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:26 pm

off topic but hello FTB - haven't seen you post for a while.Nice to have you back

huntlie · Post by **huntlie** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:18 am

When my middle grandson just missed GS, he went to a small private school - his dad thought it would suit him, but it did not - he was horribly bullied & school did nothing. They took him out & he went to a fairly good comp, or so they say - where he has thrived & is now Deputy Head Boy. His comment when I asked him what the main differences were between his previous school & the comp, was 'Everyone's much richer here - they were all poor at ******* because they were struggling to pay fees.' Probably exaggerateed, but you get the picture.

I coach girls for swimming, with about 50/50 from GS and private - and I can tell you that every GS child lives in a larger house & has more holidays - and where the private parents are driving Fords and Citroens, most ofthe GS ones roll up at collection time in Lexuses (Lexi?)

Post by **hermanmunster** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:33 am

it is true that a lot of people struggle to pay the fees - even the ones who look like they have lots of money .... well fancy cars etc. DD had various year 6 trips and the deposit was asked for at fairly short notice for 2 residential trips (about 160 pounds i think). Personally it was no problem but several who you would have throught spent that much a shopping trip went rather pale.
In the GS it is far better handled with loads more notice and the assumption that everyone will pay in instalments.

ews147 · Post by **ews147** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:12 am

I would be a bit sceptical of private schools who say they don't allow bullies through the door - these are lean times! Also, I know of several parents, convinced their child's poor behaviour/lack of social skills is due to an 'inadequate' state system, who have moved there children into the private sector. The behaviour is exactly the same - only difference is they are now paying 10,000 a year for the priveledge.

All schools are different, but my sons' state primary also did not garuntee there would not be bullies in his school. However, he did garuntee they would be 'dealt' with and has been true to his word.

guest27 · Post by **guest27** » Mon Jul 27, 2009 11:38 am

My DC were at a private prep for a decent education only. At the time of making that choice I never considered what it would feel like living that choice day in day out.
How it felt after a while going on to a series of lowly paid jobs so I could be there in the holidays to make ends meet while others went on to the spa after drop off. The people I stood with in the playground employed people like me to do their cleaning.
I urge you to try and imagine how it would feel after a while. Being hard up is all relative-perhaps you are one of those who thinks being hard up is shopping at Tesco instead af Marks and Spencers, or turning the dial down a notch on your swimming pool. If that's the case then you dont really have to worry too much.
But, if having a private education means you really are the poor relation and not just pretending to be then think long and hard.
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