Harder with second and subsequent children?
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Yes and no...I am glad my second child is a girl otherwise there would have been much more pressure for her to join her older brother.
I have say that the fact that DS is receiving an excellent education means that I am even more determined for my DD.
Fortunately we are due to receive an inheritance which means we will be able to afford independent school fees and although DD will still have to pass the entrance exam, hopefully we won't find the 11 plus process as stressful this time round.
I have say that the fact that DS is receiving an excellent education means that I am even more determined for my DD.
Fortunately we are due to receive an inheritance which means we will be able to afford independent school fees and although DD will still have to pass the entrance exam, hopefully we won't find the 11 plus process as stressful this time round.
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Trouble is some of the most selective schools just have an order of merit e.g top 100 no actual pass I agree with you that they should though but then I suppose they fear standards would fall.Schools tend to put results over family harmonyT.i.p.s.y wrote:I totally disagree with schools that do not have a sibling policy. As long as siblings pass the school paper they should get priority over other applicants.
I found it much harder second time around because of all the other factors mentioned by others.
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It is much harder - and I agree it makes you wonder why you ever went down a competitive route.
If I had one piece of advice I would say, in year 6 tell everyone DC2 is really interested in going somewhere different very firmly. That way you reinforce the idea that there are other equally good options, and as importantly you hopefully avoid endless uncomfortable moments later, when people tactlessly said 'oh aren't you going to your sibling's school?" Swiftly followed by "Why not?". Whatever the merits of the new situation (and there are lots about not being in a sibling's shadow) they get undermined by this. It sounds like DC1 got the pick and you the leftovers (something it's all to easy for a second child to feel anyway).
And if you do get in and follow sibling - which I'm pretty sure you will Ed's mum but nothing is 100% in this world - no-one will say anything about you changing your mind!
If I had one piece of advice I would say, in year 6 tell everyone DC2 is really interested in going somewhere different very firmly. That way you reinforce the idea that there are other equally good options, and as importantly you hopefully avoid endless uncomfortable moments later, when people tactlessly said 'oh aren't you going to your sibling's school?" Swiftly followed by "Why not?". Whatever the merits of the new situation (and there are lots about not being in a sibling's shadow) they get undermined by this. It sounds like DC1 got the pick and you the leftovers (something it's all to easy for a second child to feel anyway).
And if you do get in and follow sibling - which I'm pretty sure you will Ed's mum but nothing is 100% in this world - no-one will say anything about you changing your mind!
Thank you for your extremely helpful PM yesterday Another Mother (I have noticed how often you PM someone who needs advice).
I tried the tactic today of focusing on another school and its merits. It didn't work, unfortunately!! It went something like this:
"You know, at the taster day they really emphasised the fact that although you would be a day pupil, you should expect to be there (once in the main school) until the late hours most nights. You'll only really come home to sleep"
Her reply:
"That's one of the reasons I want to go there (!), I'll get to spend SO much time with my friends".
I suppose I'll have to think of another reason why it may be better for her to go elsewhere!! Of course these are friends that she hasn't made yet.
I tried the tactic today of focusing on another school and its merits. It didn't work, unfortunately!! It went something like this:
"You know, at the taster day they really emphasised the fact that although you would be a day pupil, you should expect to be there (once in the main school) until the late hours most nights. You'll only really come home to sleep"
Her reply:
"That's one of the reasons I want to go there (!), I'll get to spend SO much time with my friends".
I suppose I'll have to think of another reason why it may be better for her to go elsewhere!! Of course these are friends that she hasn't made yet.
It's harder in the state sector, too, if that makes you feel any better, albeit with less dosh changing hands. In fact, at the moment (and of course the roundabout of emotion and reasoning takes many forms at differing times) my main fear is the tender fear and anger (yes, anger can be tender in Mother Wolf) that my little one won't have passed his 11+ and therefore won't have achieved like his brother did. And I can't bear the humiliation (which of course won't really be there, but in the land of imagination, the place of Can't Affect What Happens, then a possible future humiliation is just one of many things I'm unnecessarily factored in because self-torture is one of my skills). Almost it's become irrelevant the school place being at stake, I just don't want him to feel less than his brother.
And, SO right, another mother, that thing about wondering why you went down a competitive route - seemed such a good idea first time round
Not only that but, for me, I now know a mass of a lot more about the process than 2 years ago when I was relatively innocent and hadn't realised that pursuing a grammar school was tantamount to scoring an education on the black market.
And, SO right, another mother, that thing about wondering why you went down a competitive route - seemed such a good idea first time round
Not only that but, for me, I now know a mass of a lot more about the process than 2 years ago when I was relatively innocent and hadn't realised that pursuing a grammar school was tantamount to scoring an education on the black market.
I agree with all of that Milla.
Yes, just as difficult in the state sector. Her 3 cousins and her brother passed the 11+ too, along with her mother and auntie. She is equally concerned about the result of that.
Our subsequent children are bound to look at the achievements of other family members and want to have comparable successes. Poor things. makes me glad I was a twin as we went through it at the same time.
Yes, just as difficult in the state sector. Her 3 cousins and her brother passed the 11+ too, along with her mother and auntie. She is equally concerned about the result of that.
Our subsequent children are bound to look at the achievements of other family members and want to have comparable successes. Poor things. makes me glad I was a twin as we went through it at the same time.
Are there ANY indies that offer sibling priority? IMO it makes sense not to, and to take those who come top in the entrance exams, otherwise exam results could suffer. They obviously want the kids that will do better in exams, whether they have a sibling at the school or not, although I agree it is a nightmare for parents whose children have to be split up.
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With regard to superselective grammars, and I am sure the same applies to some indep schools, I am not sure that exam results would really suffer.CHmum wrote:Are there ANY indies that offer sibling priority? IMO it makes sense not to, and to take those who come top in the entrance exams, otherwise exam results could suffer. They obviously want the kids that will do better in exams, whether they have a sibling at the school or not, although I agree it is a nightmare for parents whose children have to be split up.
My second daughter very nearly missed out due to a margin of one third of a per cent literally. Luckily a couple dropped out to indep schools.
The top 120 can , in some years,be separated by a total of 5 - 8 % from position 1 - 120.This wouldn't have an effect on results really.
However I am also realistic that this is the inevitable result of allowing selection.It just gets tougher and tougher.
Superselective grammars (i.e. grammars selecting purely on basis of highest qualification mark) are prohibited by the Admissions Code from operating a siblings policy:With regard to superselective grammars, and I am sure the same applies to some indep schools, I am not sure that exam results would really suffer.
Mike2.13 In setting oversubscription criteria the admission authorities for all maintained schools must not...n) in the case of designated grammar schools that rank all children according
to a pre-determined pass mark and allocate places to those who score
highest, give priority to siblings of current or former pupils;