Feeling sorry for DS
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
Would it be worth gettig a few days coaching in Maths over Christmas holidays?
Explaining to son its not because he is poor but actually he is very able & isn't able to show his capabilities because of past experiences/circumstances so the individual attention is to give him his confidence back & allow him to show how good he is?
I think Maths is one subject where quite a small amount of good quality, well directed teaching can make a big difference.
Depends on your DS - some children react well to being told not to worry, others prefer to take positive action so they feel they are back in control - just like adults I guess, we all cope differently with problems
Explaining to son its not because he is poor but actually he is very able & isn't able to show his capabilities because of past experiences/circumstances so the individual attention is to give him his confidence back & allow him to show how good he is?
I think Maths is one subject where quite a small amount of good quality, well directed teaching can make a big difference.
Depends on your DS - some children react well to being told not to worry, others prefer to take positive action so they feel they are back in control - just like adults I guess, we all cope differently with problems
Hi,Sometimes I think all this testing is counter productive! They've only been in year 7 for 2.5 months!
That is how it feels, we went through it, DS1 was adamant that he wanted to change schools at xmas Y7, but it is worth it if you can persevere.
WRT colds, take time out take a rest, have a duvet day if required.
This term is the hardest, all new, plus school and club rugby, again take time out if needed skip some matches or training. I know that goes against the try your best at all times argument, but life is a marathon not a sprint.
After the xmas break he will bounce back, twice as strong.
Also allow a bit of time for him to be a child, my year 7 used to get the lego out and play
but it helped. steve
Sorry if I am missing bit here Freya but has DS done school exams before? I don't mean 11+/entry/scholarship etc etc but internal school exams. It could well be those that are worrying him especially if he is now with boys that were at prep school and have done them before. My son (Yr 6) has been doing end of year exams and end of test topics since Yr 4 at his prep school. Your DS may feel that they will know the ropes and he may feel at a disadvantage and not be sure of what is expected. Just reassure him that he will be fine - he's done so well todate that it's not going to go wrong now.
Also completely agree with KB re little bit of tutoring. My son had bad time in Yr 3 with regard to maths. We got him some now and again coaching just to consolidate what he had learned in class and it made all the difference. He knew he had somebody he could ask and didn't have to have things explained - he had his own safety net. He is in a very very very bright class and just needed a little bit of confidence of his own and wasn't necessary for very long.
Sorry if this is completely off track!
Also completely agree with KB re little bit of tutoring. My son had bad time in Yr 3 with regard to maths. We got him some now and again coaching just to consolidate what he had learned in class and it made all the difference. He knew he had somebody he could ask and didn't have to have things explained - he had his own safety net. He is in a very very very bright class and just needed a little bit of confidence of his own and wasn't necessary for very long.
Sorry if this is completely off track!
I agree with T.i.p.s.y. It's hard when you have been really successful at primary school and passed exams and then when you get to the Promised Land you find that everyone else is the same and of course better! My son ahd the shock of his life when he discovered lots of people were able to perform better that him in tests as he had been top dog at primary school.Also they tend to go in all guns blazing and get very tired as already mentioned.
The other thing to bear in mind is that secondary school teachers tend to expect more independence right from the word go and are much more focussed on what will happen in five years time , though I do feel telling him that he is predicted a C at this stage is heavy handed.
Sometimes because they teach pupils up to the age of eighteen they forget that they also have eleven year old pupils to deal with. I think you will find that he is down because he is ill and worrying he will get behind and when he feels better this will pass.
Also in a couple of months you will find that he will grow into the school and you will be mourning the loss of your little boy who will be grunting replies , eating your whole house and telling you you interfere too much as he has everything sorted . Do I have a teenage boy??
The other thing to bear in mind is that secondary school teachers tend to expect more independence right from the word go and are much more focussed on what will happen in five years time , though I do feel telling him that he is predicted a C at this stage is heavy handed.
Sometimes because they teach pupils up to the age of eighteen they forget that they also have eleven year old pupils to deal with. I think you will find that he is down because he is ill and worrying he will get behind and when he feels better this will pass.
Also in a couple of months you will find that he will grow into the school and you will be mourning the loss of your little boy who will be grunting replies , eating your whole house and telling you you interfere too much as he has everything sorted . Do I have a teenage boy??
Hi Freya,
This might sound really silly but does your DS know 'how' to revise? I'm only asking this as I've recently discovered that DD2 (yr 7 at GS after state primary) and her friends had no idea how to revise for yr 7 tests as they had never had to tackle anything similar. Being little misses independent, they decided (incorrectly) how to do it and were stressed when they realised they hadn't covered all the work at the last minute.
Isnt it amazing the things we don't even think to teach DC so early? Don't know if this might be part of your problem, but might be worth a question to DS.
This might sound really silly but does your DS know 'how' to revise? I'm only asking this as I've recently discovered that DD2 (yr 7 at GS after state primary) and her friends had no idea how to revise for yr 7 tests as they had never had to tackle anything similar. Being little misses independent, they decided (incorrectly) how to do it and were stressed when they realised they hadn't covered all the work at the last minute.
Isnt it amazing the things we don't even think to teach DC so early? Don't know if this might be part of your problem, but might be worth a question to DS.
Knowing how to revise does have to be taught. DS was shown how and what to revise in Y4 and it really did have to be taught and is actually a lot harder to learn than you remember as an adult.
Also completely agree that independence needed is very daunting. We are having to do it in Y6 (being a prep school we go through to Y8) - remembering books to bring home for prep and what to take in for that day's lessons etc. Is a real big change and has altered DS sunny disposition quite a lot and this is in a school he has been at since he was 4. I can imagine all this and a new school could be very tiring
Next term will be a whole lot better I am sure. This term is always tiring, new school year, new school, steep learning curve, different subjects and teachers, changes in weather, dark nights, christmas ............................
Also completely agree that independence needed is very daunting. We are having to do it in Y6 (being a prep school we go through to Y8) - remembering books to bring home for prep and what to take in for that day's lessons etc. Is a real big change and has altered DS sunny disposition quite a lot and this is in a school he has been at since he was 4. I can imagine all this and a new school could be very tiring
Next term will be a whole lot better I am sure. This term is always tiring, new school year, new school, steep learning curve, different subjects and teachers, changes in weather, dark nights, christmas ............................
-
T.i.p.s.y
I don't know about CC but apart from the important exams the schools do not put any focus on them. Most independent schools have exams at the end of the first term but half the time the kids forget that they have them until the day. DC's have exams this week and I only know because it is mentioned in the school calendar so we don't phone and pester them about how they got on! 
I reminded the boys at the weekend that they had exams and they hadn't realised. Every child is different and apart from this silly comment from the Maths teacher I expect the pressure is coming from Freya's son and not the school.
I reminded the boys at the weekend that they had exams and they hadn't realised. Every child is different and apart from this silly comment from the Maths teacher I expect the pressure is coming from Freya's son and not the school.Hi Freya, what a stupid thing to say about a child in Y7 who they’ve only been teaching for less than a term – that he’s working at GCSE grade ‘C’ level. That’s nearly 5 years away, for heaven’s sake 
Think I’d have been tempted to reply that he’d pick up again in the subject once he had a more inspirational teacher…
As for the exams, I remember DS struggling with Y7 exams because he’d never really had to revise before, and nor had he had to do subject-specific exams as opposed to CATs and SATs etc. Y8 was much better because he knew what to expect. So I think you’re doing exactly the right thing to reassure him and not make a big issue out of them.
More importantly, how’s his rugby going?
Think I’d have been tempted to reply that he’d pick up again in the subject once he had a more inspirational teacher…As for the exams, I remember DS struggling with Y7 exams because he’d never really had to revise before, and nor had he had to do subject-specific exams as opposed to CATs and SATs etc. Y8 was much better because he knew what to expect. So I think you’re doing exactly the right thing to reassure him and not make a big issue out of them.
More importantly, how’s his rugby going?
You guys are all brilliant. Really, thank you all so much for cheering me up, reassuring me and supporting me. You have all offered sensible advice which has really helped put things in perspective and this morning I feel much better!
When I picked up DS last night his flu thing seemed to have turned a corner and he came bouncing up to me with plenty of energy left. He'd had 3 exams (but not maths - that's today ). He was his normal smiling self and had obviolusly found them ok so I think part of his bouncyness was relief. He said 'yeah, they were pretty easy' so we'll see; he's not used to revising (as some of you suggested) and not used to subject specific exams either. We'll see by the results if he needs to improve his revision technique - I'm sure he will! He's not that brainy that he should have found these exams that easy. He has probably not gone into enough depth with his answers. (blimey, I'm worrying about that now LOL)
I think he had been building anxiety about these exams in his head. Some of you mentioned that there will be kids from prep schools in his class who are much more used to this and used to the level / quantity of work. I think this is true and as this term seems to be given over to bringing the state school kids up to the same levels as the prep school kids DS is feeling that they all know much more than him.
Tipsy is right - there is no undue pressure coming from the school about these exams. It is all coming from DS (and perhaps indirectly from the maths teacher because he makes DS feel inadequate).
Dinah - thanks for the reassurance, I'm sure you are right. How is your DS doing now?
ealingmum asked whether my opinion of the school has changed since DS started. No, my opinion is the same - enhanced even. CC is an amazing school - I just have this one little niggle about the maths teacher. They are set for maths from year eight so we have some time.
Stevew61 - It's not so bad that DS wants to change schools. In fact he already loves his school with a passion and I'm sure he would board if we'd let him! Great advice about marathons and sprints (yes he did go in all guns blazing dinah). DS had 2 duvet days last week and we took him off all training / matches because he was so weak.
Some of you suggested a short spell of tutoring in maths. His Grandmother is a retired secondary head of maths who tutors for GCSE and she's coming to stay at Christmas so I will ask her to do some work with him and give me her opinion. She lives in Yorkshire which is a shame as it would be nice to make it a regular thing for a while. It was heartening to read that even a short spell has improved confidence in your experiences though.
Fingers crossed for DS maths exam today. Will update you all as to how he found it later.
Thanks again all you lovely lovely people!
When I picked up DS last night his flu thing seemed to have turned a corner and he came bouncing up to me with plenty of energy left. He'd had 3 exams (but not maths - that's today
). He was his normal smiling self and had obviolusly found them ok so I think part of his bouncyness was relief. He said 'yeah, they were pretty easy' so we'll see; he's not used to revising (as some of you suggested) and not used to subject specific exams either. We'll see by the results if he needs to improve his revision technique - I'm sure he will! He's not that brainy that he should have found these exams that easy. He has probably not gone into enough depth with his answers. (blimey, I'm worrying about that now LOL)I think he had been building anxiety about these exams in his head. Some of you mentioned that there will be kids from prep schools in his class who are much more used to this and used to the level / quantity of work. I think this is true and as this term seems to be given over to bringing the state school kids up to the same levels as the prep school kids DS is feeling that they all know much more than him.
Tipsy is right - there is no undue pressure coming from the school about these exams. It is all coming from DS (and perhaps indirectly from the maths teacher because he makes DS feel inadequate).
Dinah - thanks for the reassurance, I'm sure you are right. How is your DS doing now?
ealingmum asked whether my opinion of the school has changed since DS started. No, my opinion is the same - enhanced even. CC is an amazing school - I just have this one little niggle about the maths teacher. They are set for maths from year eight so we have some time.
Stevew61 - It's not so bad that DS wants to change schools. In fact he already loves his school with a passion and I'm sure he would board if we'd let him! Great advice about marathons and sprints (yes he did go in all guns blazing dinah). DS had 2 duvet days last week and we took him off all training / matches because he was so weak.
Some of you suggested a short spell of tutoring in maths. His Grandmother is a retired secondary head of maths who tutors for GCSE and she's coming to stay at Christmas so I will ask her to do some work with him and give me her opinion. She lives in Yorkshire which is a shame as it would be nice to make it a regular thing for a while. It was heartening to read that even a short spell has improved confidence in your experiences though.
Fingers crossed for DS maths exam today. Will update you all as to how he found it later.
Thanks again all you lovely lovely people!
