Help!
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
This is going from bad to worse 
The school that we are all desperate for my DS to go to have now said that they dont think that they can support him
We are shocked devastated and heartbroken . They say they are heartbroken too but that they are worried he will not cope and I must admit (the other night when my elder daughter was still doing prep at 10.30 having already stayed at school for the nightly 1 1/2 hour prep session) we are worried too. We stated our case and came away from a meeting with the head a few weeks ago feeling very positive that they wanted him and would be able to accommodate him . Our case being that we want all our children to have had the same opportunities in their education. We feel very strongly about that and we are not meaning just the academics. Our school of choice is a fantastic all round school with an emphasis on sport (and our DS is a talented sportsman) and a fantastic array of EC activities which he has been longing to be part of. It seems that if you have any type of learning issues (and he is moderately dyslexic ) the choice of schools is radically reduced. Don't get me wrong I know that plenty of schools support dyslexic kids and they often have very high IQs as well but my DS only has an average IQaccording to his ED Psych report and he scored averagely too in the school IQ pretest (strangely, however when he is presented with VR and NVR papers at home , he loves doing them and always scores over 80% but he flaps in exams and exams seem to be the be all and end all .
I know there are similar schools which are not so academic that would offer him the sport that he needs but that would mean him boarding and therefore being isolated from the rest of the family .
We have 2 options left. One is to send him to the local state secondary (something I know you suggested against Tipsy) where he will not have the same academic pressure, shorter days which would mean we could give him tennis coaching after school as well as golf lessons (he loves both) We could also get him a tutor in Maths and English and whatever else was necessary- the fly in the ointment here is that it is an outstanding school in all categories and as a result, there are no places at present in any year group. They do not operate a waiting list ; if a place becomes available it is given on a first come first served basis and needs to be taken up immediately . I was advised by this school to ring and check weekly. I do not want to pull him out of prep school before he has had the chance to do his CE and to enjoy the Leaver's Programme for the last 4 weeks of the summer term. (It is all the Year 8's talk about!!) so that means that a place will have to become available right at the end of term. What are the chances of that happening?
The second option is to send him to a specialist local dyslexic school but it is single sex and the provision for sport is not adequate for a sportsman (bear in mind my OH had a spell playing rugby internationally only briefly admittedly but sport is very important in our family and we feel that it could possibly be a career for DS)
I suppose there is a third option- Home schooling . I see another thread has started on this subject so I will watch with interest.
Our son has so much to offer. He is well behaved, sparky,kind,sporty with bags of common sense but nobody wants him because he is not clever enough
Sorry for the rant
The school that we are all desperate for my DS to go to have now said that they dont think that they can support him
We are shocked devastated and heartbroken . They say they are heartbroken too but that they are worried he will not cope and I must admit (the other night when my elder daughter was still doing prep at 10.30 having already stayed at school for the nightly 1 1/2 hour prep session) we are worried too. We stated our case and came away from a meeting with the head a few weeks ago feeling very positive that they wanted him and would be able to accommodate him
. Our case being that we want all our children to have had the same opportunities in their education. We feel very strongly about that and we are not meaning just the academics. Our school of choice is a fantastic all round school with an emphasis on sport (and our DS is a talented sportsman) and a fantastic array of EC activities which he has been longing to be part of. It seems that if you have any type of learning issues (and he is moderately dyslexic ) the choice of schools is radically reduced. Don't get me wrong I know that plenty of schools support dyslexic kids and they often have very high IQs as well but my DS only has an average IQaccording to his ED Psych report and he scored averagely too in the school IQ pretest (strangely, however when he is presented with VR and NVR papers at home , he loves doing them and always scores over 80% but he flaps in exams and exams seem to be the be all and end all .I know there are similar schools which are not so academic that would offer him the sport that he needs but that would mean him boarding and therefore being isolated from the rest of the family .
We have 2 options left. One is to send him to the local state secondary (something I know you suggested against Tipsy) where he will not have the same academic pressure, shorter days which would mean we could give him tennis coaching after school as well as golf lessons (he loves both) We could also get him a tutor in Maths and English and whatever else was necessary- the fly in the ointment here is that it is an outstanding school in all categories and as a result, there are no places at present in any year group. They do not operate a waiting list ; if a place becomes available it is given on a first come first served basis and needs to be taken up immediately . I was advised by this school to ring and check weekly. I do not want to pull him out of prep school before he has had the chance to do his CE and to enjoy the Leaver's Programme for the last 4 weeks of the summer term. (It is all the Year 8's talk about!!) so that means that a place will have to become available right at the end of term. What are the chances of that happening?
The second option is to send him to a specialist local dyslexic school but it is single sex and the provision for sport is not adequate for a sportsman (bear in mind my OH had a spell playing rugby internationally only briefly admittedly but sport is very important in our family and we feel that it could possibly be a career for DS)
I suppose there is a third option- Home schooling . I see another thread has started on this subject so I will watch with interest.
Our son has so much to offer. He is well behaved, sparky,kind,sporty with bags of common sense but nobody wants him because he is not clever enough
Sorry for the rant
-
T.i.p.s.y
Nell,
I feel heartbroken for you.
Now I know you are worried about boarding but I think now is the time to take him round some of these schools. The reality of seeing the wonderful facilities and children who go there should remove the dread as at the moment it is just a scary concept. He sounds very talented at sport so I would turn this around and tell him you want to send him to a specialist sports school. I know the current school is fantastic for sport but there are a few others that are either better or as good:
Millfield - No1 for sports
Pangbourne
These schools are not as academically selective. I would also consider Haileybury and Milton Abbey but at the moment it is just looking to see how he feels.
I'm glad that the state school is great but I think his esteem would plummet even more if all his siblings were at this prestigious private school and he ended up at the local comp. It may even be a better school but the attitude from peers and your friends will not be positive and he will notice this.
I would not send him to this dyslexic school either but to a private school that is known for coping well with dyslexics who are of average ability too, hence my suggestion of Haileybury or Milton Abbey. Stowe would also accept him but the fees...
If he hates all the boarding schools then let him make the choice and you will know you have done all that you could for him. The best of luck!
I feel heartbroken for you.
Now I know you are worried about boarding but I think now is the time to take him round some of these schools. The reality of seeing the wonderful facilities and children who go there should remove the dread as at the moment it is just a scary concept. He sounds very talented at sport so I would turn this around and tell him you want to send him to a specialist sports school. I know the current school is fantastic for sport but there are a few others that are either better or as good:
Millfield - No1 for sports
Pangbourne
These schools are not as academically selective. I would also consider Haileybury and Milton Abbey but at the moment it is just looking to see how he feels.
I'm glad that the state school is great but I think his esteem would plummet even more if all his siblings were at this prestigious private school and he ended up at the local comp. It may even be a better school but the attitude from peers and your friends will not be positive and he will notice this.
I would not send him to this dyslexic school either but to a private school that is known for coping well with dyslexics who are of average ability too, hence my suggestion of Haileybury or Milton Abbey. Stowe would also accept him but the fees...
If he hates all the boarding schools then let him make the choice and you will know you have done all that you could for him. The best of luck!
Tipsy,
Thank you thank you for your encouraging word
I have looked at the websites for all your suggestions. I have prospectuses for Millfield and Milton abbey. Would need major sports scholarship to afford the fees.
Most of them still need 50% in CE papers which is all the favoured school is asking for. He could do it at a massive stretch but in all honesty it looks unlikely looking at his mock results to date hence the school's decision. Dont want him to get re-excited about the prospect of going to one of these fantastic schools only to fail at CE. (Really upset to find so many people saying that it is almost impossible to fail the CE - when it seems that is what is heading our way)
Thank you thank you for your encouraging word
I have looked at the websites for all your suggestions. I have prospectuses for Millfield and Milton abbey. Would need major sports scholarship to afford the fees.
Most of them still need 50% in CE papers which is all the favoured school is asking for. He could do it at a massive stretch but in all honesty it looks unlikely looking at his mock results to date hence the school's decision. Dont want him to get re-excited about the prospect of going to one of these fantastic schools only to fail at CE. (Really upset to find so many people saying that it is almost impossible to fail the CE - when it seems that is what is heading our way)
-
northernsoul
- Posts: 68
- Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:51 pm
- Location: CORNWALL
Millfield has an excellent (and international) reputation for supporting pupils with dyslexia. Have several friends who went there for the sport and they all loved it. In my circle of friends, most of us hated our various boarding schools but they seem to have nothing but good memories! Well worth a look.
-
T.i.p.s.y
Some of these schools expect an overall 50% pass mark so not in every subject and they are usually quite lenient on the modern foreign langauges, latin etc.
The other thing you could say to a more expensive school is that this is how much you can pay no but when one of your kids leaves their school you could potentially afford more and when another left you could afford even more. Schools are much more open to talk about finances now.
The other thing you could say to a more expensive school is that this is how much you can pay no but when one of your kids leaves their school you could potentially afford more and when another left you could afford even more. Schools are much more open to talk about finances now.
We do like Millfield. My brother went and loved it but that was 40 odd years ago!! The sports scholarships are rare and only for the truly gifted- I'm not sure that we fall in to that category
As far as talking to them about the fees Tipsy I am sure you are right but when we started down this path of private education it was with a particular goal in sight and that was all 5 kids being at a school where the fees were X taking advantage of a significant sibling discount!!! and that is what we have the funds for so it's not that we will suddenly be flush once the others have finished. We do not pay from our wages . We simply couldn't afford to . It is a struggle for us.. we have moved house ,begged and borrowed !!! Millfield is more or less double what we had been expecting to pay. I know he would love it. The boarding , if I'm honest is more of a concern for me than it is for my DS. He boards at prep on a flexi basis which he loves but the school is close by and I can still go and watch his matches. I have no doubt whatsoever that if we took him to see the school he would be extremely impressed and would not give a hoot about the boarding infact on the contrary I think he would thrive in such a sporting environment.
I am somewhat thrown off scent by his present Head (whose judgement I implicitly trust)who when I asked about boarding schools for him to reccommend, just said "no I wouldn't if I were you, they are all too expensive, keep him local - don't isolate him" My son is not fragile (only in so much as he was devastated not to be following his siblings)so I dont know whether that is code for " he won't get in anywhere"????
As far as talking to them about the fees Tipsy I am sure you are right but when we started down this path of private education it was with a particular goal in sight and that was all 5 kids being at a school where the fees were X taking advantage of a significant sibling discount!!! and that is what we have the funds for so it's not that we will suddenly be flush once the others have finished. We do not pay from our wages . We simply couldn't afford to . It is a struggle for us.. we have moved house ,begged and borrowed !!! Millfield is more or less double what we had been expecting to pay. I know he would love it. The boarding , if I'm honest is more of a concern for me than it is for my DS. He boards at prep on a flexi basis which he loves but the school is close by and I can still go and watch his matches. I have no doubt whatsoever that if we took him to see the school he would be extremely impressed and would not give a hoot about the boarding infact on the contrary I think he would thrive in such a sporting environment.
I am somewhat thrown off scent by his present Head (whose judgement I implicitly trust)who when I asked about boarding schools for him to reccommend, just said "no I wouldn't if I were you, they are all too expensive, keep him local - don't isolate him" My son is not fragile (only in so much as he was devastated not to be following his siblings)so I dont know whether that is code for " he won't get in anywhere"????
Nell, I feel so desperately for you with regards to your situation - it's not an easy one!!
The only words of advice I can offer is to be careful your son doesn't feel as if he's being shipped off to boarding school because he's not good enough (we all know that's NOT the siutation). It may be in his eyes that, because he's the 'only one' to be sent away and he knows himself that he struggles, he feels sht off/out from family life.
Look realistically at the local schools with the added back of up of the tutor if necessary.
Do talk to him about what he wants. - he probably has ideas of his own which you may not have considered.
The only words of advice I can offer is to be careful your son doesn't feel as if he's being shipped off to boarding school because he's not good enough (we all know that's NOT the siutation). It may be in his eyes that, because he's the 'only one' to be sent away and he knows himself that he struggles, he feels sht off/out from family life.
Look realistically at the local schools with the added back of up of the tutor if necessary.
Do talk to him about what he wants. - he probably has ideas of his own which you may not have considered.
-
T.i.p.s.y
I have an incling of the prep school your son is at. If so then it really does feed mainly to your first choice senior school so often Heads have become rather clueless about other schools. My son's were at a prep school that criticised every other school except Eton and Winchester 
when the reality of what he was saying about the others couldn't have been so wrong.
This is not ideal but there are some schools that are now offering a 10 -15 year payment plan so you continue to pay after your child has done their 5 years. I do not know the ins and outs, which schools do it, or the interest rates but it may worth be checking out.
Well, I've not been much help. Hopefully someone else can come along and offer some advice.
when the reality of what he was saying about the others couldn't have been so wrong.This is not ideal but there are some schools that are now offering a 10 -15 year payment plan so you continue to pay after your child has done their 5 years. I do not know the ins and outs, which schools do it, or the interest rates but it may worth be checking out.
Well, I've not been much help. Hopefully someone else can come along and offer some advice.
I'm not sure that a 10 or 15 year payment scheme will appeal to my darling hard working OH !! We would do anything for our kids but with further education looming in 2 years time for our eldest , I think seeing no end to the financial stain that might send him in to a deep depression or worse finish him off completely 
