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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2008 8:20 pm
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Location: Wirral
Might not explain this well so bare/bear? with me, we have a bright as a button but socially awkward child who frankly finds school torturous, she's young in her year and a bit immature and takes everything the wrong way sometimes, really struggles to make and keep friends.
So at the back of my mind I have a very kind, gentle school which frankly if she doesn't enjoy that I despair, in mind, but academically it hardly sets the world on fire and I can't see her ending up at Oxbridge from there.
Would I be short changing her if I made her go to either the grammar or the private school she's currently at ? Both have brilliant results, will she thank me in the long run if I can just get her through those 6 years ?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:26 pm 
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Location: Wales
Trying to make the right decision for our children is hard isn't it?

I would try to find out exactly what it is that is making school torturous for her right now. How old is she?

Often, bright but socially awkward children who didn't fit into their primary schools thrive and excel at very academic secondary schools because they encounter more like-minds. At that point she may become much less socially awkward.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:27 pm 
You would not be failing her but you might be in the academic school. Children only succeed if they are happy. Yes a girl can succeed academically but then I know a lot of girls who went to high flying academic schools and then onto Oxbridge and many had eating disorders and were desperately unhappy.

Let her be a big fish (academically) in a small pond and she will grow in so much confidence and hopefully her little foibles (bless) will diminish.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:36 pm 
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If she is struggling socially in the school she's at now, I don't see how that will magically disappear in the senior school. The ethos of the school won't change.
I agree with TIPSY, happy children thrive in life and academic acheivement.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:37 pm 
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Location: Wirral
I just don't think she likes other children very much, she has 2 younger sisters who she loves dearly, on her terms and for about half an hour a day.
She'd rather be sat in the staff room at playtime :shock:

What if she's never happy at school and ends up with less qualifications though ?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:40 pm 
Do you think she might have mild aspergers with giftedness and if not just be super-gifted so she gets nothing out of interacting with others? If it bothers her then I suspect it is the latter and she is shy.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:47 pm 
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Location: Wirral
It's entirely possible I guess, she is exceptional at English and Arts, dreadful at Maths though, so her ideal day would revolve around being in her bedroom making clothes/outfits and drawing or writing.
The gentle school I have in mind would allow that, whilst involving her in sports, science etc but not stretching her and it's results for GCSE and ALevel are little better than the local (very average) comp.
I'd just hate for everything to fall into place when she's 18, her to announce she wants to be a Dr but now has to resit everything because we didn't push her when we should have known best. Something similar happened to me and hubby and neither of us ever really made up the lost ground.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:53 pm 
If there is time in the day you could extend her, either academically or culturally. I supposed that this genteel school is not over subscribed so you could send her to the selective and if it is not working out then she could be moved. In saying that she may find like-minded kids at the selective school and then she will want to interact a bit more.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 4:13 pm 
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I agree with Freya. Our son is very young for his age, very bright - although that wasn't always apparent at primary - and really struggled socially at primary. He's now at a very selective grammar where he found lots of like-minded geeky boys; while there have been ups and downs he's made more friends in the first term than he made in 7 years at primary and he seems to get on well with almost everyone.

Our Y5 daughter, on the other hand, is very mature, very social and very confident, but quite "nerdy" all the same and often becomes frustrated and says she wishes there were more like-minded people "who might understand what I'm talking about".

Mike


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:15 pm 
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mike1880 wrote:
I agree with Freya. Our son is very young for his age, very bright - although that wasn't always apparent at primary - and really struggled socially at primary. He's now at a very selective grammar where he found lots of like-minded geeky boys; while there have been ups and downs he's made more friends in the first term than he made in 7 years at primary and he seems to get on well with almost everyone.
Mike

this is SO encouraging, Mike, and what I am praying will happen to my youngest.

How old is your daughter, 3pink?? (great name by the way, I've just got it, durrr, why didn't I think of 2blue!) Remember, too, that they're not set in stone, these children of ours, huge changes (for good and bad :? ) can happen so don't despair yet! My bro was nearly on some remedial reading scheme, they were minutes, apparently, from swamping him with specialists (he was 8 and couldn't really read). Now he speaks 4 languages and is a v successful journalist.

It can - and will - all just keep on changing. The difficulty is to avoid pigeon-holing (I do it, to my shame and really don't mean to :oops: ) - a fine line between recognising what they are and panicking about it!

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