What if the right school socially isn't the right one academ

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

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Cats12
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Post by Cats12 »

Are any senior schools gentle? Children are children, sometimes kind, often not etc....Whether private, grammar, upper or comp the rough and tumble of growing up, making and keeping friends, fitting in or not is tricky. If your DD is v bright but socially awkward won't she be this way whatever school she goes to? I think that in any school there will be groups of popular kids, trendy, nerdy, a mix of all of these. Both of my DCs are v bright, but 1 more socially able than the other mainly due to being much more laid back - the other is an 'out of the box thinker' and though not nerdy in any way is, because of thinking beyond conventional lines, not always able to fit in, can be picked on (though v able to stand up for themselves).....Going to grammar for DC is no more difficult socially than if we had chosen local upper nearby (upper certainly has bigger range of DCs so may even have been more tricky) - academically grammar is the best place as DC needs challenging, gets bored without this. This is my experience and of course everyone's situation is slightly different.......
hermanmunster
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Post by hermanmunster »

3pink wrote:The gentle school I have in mind would allow that, whilst involving her in sports, science etc but not stretching her and it's results for GCSE and ALevel are little better than the local (very average) comp.
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Hi 3pink - very difficult... kids change so much and at different rates. What I would say about the GCSE / A level results at the school you are looking is that they themselves are an average and you could find that some have done very well, while others have doen very little (but maybe as well as they could have done anywhere) and the resulting average score is lower than the selective school. Doesn't mean to say she can't excel there.
KB
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Post by KB »

Would say give the academic school a go.
Do have experience with own DC & would say that your DD is as likley to find children she gels with at an academic school as anywhere else.
She probably wont have lots of friends & won't be in the 'trendy set' and may well have to put up with some teasing but if she can find a couple of friends she will get by.
The experience both academically & socially will prepare her better for the future.
None of us want out DC to change so as to fit in & there is a huge temptation to want to protect them from 'life' but they do need to learn how to cope & they can only do this by giving it a go.
I really dont mean to sound hard - believe me I know how difficult it can be! - but I would let her give the academic option a try.
While you will know that if it comes to it you can move her, I wouldn't give her that option to start with!
P's mum
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Post by P's mum »

I'm inclined to agree with the earlier poster who said that little is likely to be acheived if your daughter is unhappy and with Hermannmunster that you should think more carefully about exactly what the 'average' results indicate. Do they merely reflect intake? If that is the case but the teaching is alright (or even good?) I don't think that you need worry too much about your daughter acheiving her potential. Remember intake is usually a much more important determinant of outcomes than teaching (perhaps sadly, especially if you are paying). That is not to say that there aren't exceptional schools that do much more than would be expected with the material that they receive but they aren't very common.

It is also true that children change and it is worth trying to explore exactly why she finds it difficult to get on with her peers. That said for most people social skills and friends are far more important for a happy life than academic acheivement and if you can help her with the former its probably (a) a greater gift and (b) the latter will probably sort itself out, if she is bright.
P's mum
Amber
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Post by Amber »

I sent you a PM a couple of days ago Pink as my daughter sounds a bit similar to yours and we are 3 years down the line - at the gentle option where she is absolutely flying now. I won't go into huge detail here but let me know if you want more details.
moved
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Post by moved »

DS was very uncomfortable in primary but is thriving in GS. I teach in a nurturing school that generally caters for children of lower academic ability. We have had some children who are brighter (left grammar or did not attempt 11+) and they leave with A* grades. So perhaps the gentle school's results are an indication of its intake rather than their ability to develop the children academically.
3pink
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Post by 3pink »

I'm trying to find the Value Add figures which aren't very forthcoming in the private sector so that makes it difficult to judge results.

For my own personal finances and peace of mind I like her to try the grammar but if anyone has a crystal ball I could borrow, would be most grateful !
hermanmunster
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Post by hermanmunster »

... Oh for a crystall ball 3pink!!!


I think the comments about the results of schools strongly reflecting the intake are very true. I suspect you will feel happier if you send her to the grammar initially anyway - otherwise you will always have the nagging doubt in the back about whether you did the right thing in the back of your mind.
andyb
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Post by andyb »

mike1880 wrote:Our son is very young for his age, very bright - although that wasn't always apparent at primary - and really struggled socially at primary. He's now at a very selective grammar where he found lots of like-minded geeky boys; while there have been ups and downs he's made more friends in the first term than he made in 7 years at primary and he seems to get on well with almost everyone.Mike
This mirrors my DS's experience, too. He is in his element at grammar school where all the boys are bright. (Although he did find it a bit of a shock to come almost bottom of the class in a test with an "A grade" mark!)
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