Leaving Home at 8 (Channel 4 tomorrow at 9 pm)...

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:11 pm

I feel very blessed that I see my children more hours and days in the year than most of my friends who send their kids to state schools and that their time with me is complete quality.

Post by **hermanmunster** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:21 pm

TIPSY I thought your kids were at boarding school?

DS and DD are at home for 16.5 hours a day during school and 24/7 at W/E and hols. However as I am often at work half the night and ignore them the rest of the time - actual communication is about 36.2 seconds a day. (3 grunts each I think)

Amber · Post by **Amber** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:35 pm

T.i.p.s.y wrote:I feel very blessed that I see my children more hours and days in the year than most of my friends who send their kids to state schools and that their time with me is complete quality.

Not sure how to interpret this at all, so forgive me if I get it wrong...but for children, especially young ones, quantity of time with parent is actually more important than quality. And what exactly is 'quality time' anyway? I'm afraid that I think of it as a way of making people who work all the hours God sends (and I know this isn't you, Tipsy) feel less guilty because they play a game of cards with their child for half an hour in an evening. Advicetoparents is right in that children need a constant parent around, even if that parent is tired and grumpy sometimes -it's all part of life. This message has been suppressed by politicians eager to get mothers back into the workplace as soon as the labour is over; it is unpopular but no less true for that. Quality time did not exist when I was growing up - it is a new term invented for a new age of absent parenting.

I am someone who 'sends [my] kids to state school'. I have lots of time with them. Some is good quality, some is bad quality because either I or they are in a bad mood or irritable or just feeling antiosocial. But they are at home, they sleep in their own beds and eat food with me; they slob around and fight and leave a mess and sometimes so do I; but this is their home and this is where I want them to be.

Other opinions are available.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:45 pm

Well excluding the times that they are asleep

they are on holiday for a total of 26 weeks in the year not including every weekend they come home and the three hours I see them on a Wednesday. Mum is always at home too. Not sure of current state school holidays but assume it must be around 13-14 weeks off a year.

mike1880 · Post by **mike1880** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:29 pm

Mildly baffled when 13 became a larger number than 39?

Mike

Post by **hermanmunster** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:31 pm

when my kids were at indies they had longer holidays but 26 weeks??? that's 6 months!!

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:43 pm

Well I got quite a shock when I first got the school calendar out and totted up the days there. Seems to be the norm with the traditional schools where all board. The old saying, "The more you pay, the less they stay" is very accurate in our case. I wonder if my kids seem less neglected and abused now?

I have friends at London inde's and they only have about 2 weeks more per year than the state schools so depends on the school.

Mike - who said 13 was longer than 39?

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 3:30 pm

Hi,
Have been away so just catching up.I am sure no one thinks any of the poster's children are neglected and abused. I would suffer from extreme separation anxiety if my children went to boarding school, let alone my children.However it seems clear to me that those that send their children to boarding school, are doing what they think is best.They are aiming to give them the very best of education and "life chances" as they see it.
No doubt when all our children are older, they will all find something to blame us for.

tiredmum · Post by **tiredmum** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:30 pm

Amber wrote: I am someone who 'sends [my] kids to state school'. I have lots of time with them. Some is good quality, some is bad quality because either I or they are in a bad mood or irritable or just feeling antiosocial. But they are at home, they sleep in their own beds and eat food with me; they slob around and fight and leave a mess and sometimes so do I; but this is their home and this is where I want them to be.

I love my kids being at home, but every other weekend i lose them when they visit their dad

and i too have separation anxiety! Must sort that out

I love being at home for them when they come home from school every weekday, even though the older one just grunts at me every so often - maybe she knows herman

- The time is probably more quantity than the newage quality, but thats cool. They know I am there for them 24/7 and im soo glad to be

My kids are at state school and i would find it very difficult to send them to boarding school but saying that when i was a child I was desparate to go to boarding school - think i must have read too many Enid Blyton books

Whatever type of school our children go to - most on here i just trying to give them the best education we can

ealingmum · Post by **ealingmum** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:14 pm

'Giving them the best education I can.....'

Of course but that has also got to include a sense of security, self, place, and family. The research shows it is not about time (quality or otherwise) but belonging,and that's why boarding school pupils often refer to themselves as an Eton man or a Old Whykemist rather than a Smith or a Jones from this or that family, place, history.

Boarding schools have certainly improved from days gone by but can never overcome the sense of rejection implicit in sending DC away from the family.Read the diaries of the former Westminster school head. Ok they might get an extra Astar or two but at what emotional cost which will only become apparent in years or decades to come?