Leaving Home at 8 (Channel 4 tomorrow at 9 pm)...
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Sassie'sDad
- Posts: 459
- Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:36 pm
- Location: Rugby
I missed the programme and it seems the chance to see most of the clips on Chanel4 OD due to the Easter break and suddenly having two girls at home again (lovely but hard work!) Dd2 gets 4.5 weeks, which seems very long after 4 weeks for Christmas!
I am sympathetic to the general sentiment that 8 is very young to board. Having said that, I do think the general discussion revolves around justifying the pro and anti boarding lobbies and avoids both educational and behavioural aspects of growing up except for Psychology mantra.
I am very wary of Psychologists and Psychiatrists and feel bound to admit the prejudice. One of my brothers married an Educational Psychologist who worked closely with a Midlands Public School and a well known London clinic. She had controversial views on dyslexia and her child rearing was odd to say the least. She was also ex Rodean and, just as her husband, had experienced a traumatic adolescence loosing a parent through Cancer. Now I concede any one, or combination, of all of those may have produced her idiosyncrasy. I also have another brother who has suffered with depression and took drugs at University. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia but the consulting Psychiatrist preferred to pressure my father to take the decision to section him, rather than make the judgement himself. Hence my cynicism!
To get back to children and schools. It has been my experience that the former are inevitably affected for good or ill by the latter; by parents' and teachers' perception of background and class or perceived class. This seems to hold true whether or not the school is in the maintained or independent sector. T.I.P.S.Y. has remarked on experiencing a 'subtle' vetting process at work whereby a child is or is not invited home or encouraged to mix socially. That is something I have also found and it makes no difference if the child is boarding or a day school pupil. I do not think this is only a characteristic of public schools. I remember being aware of the same process going on at my State Secondary decades ago.
One final point about the age group. I found this was the age when my eldest and her peers, at her single sex day school, got very cliquey and temperamental. Alliances were made and then broken at will, with it seemed very little reason but a good deal of passion! In her first year at Rugby my twelve year old has been in the thick of a similar process. It was well handled by the House Master and Matron as far as I can tell, but from a personal point of view, it quite soured my experience of Lent term even though academically it was outstandingly successful. How I wish she was boarding and I had been kept blissfully unaware!She is one of only five day girls in her year (September intake has many more) and it is definitely a negative aspect of joining a school at 11+ rather than 13+. I have rather more than twelve months to go before I find out if this is worse for day pupils than boarders but I have my fingers tightly crossed!
I am sympathetic to the general sentiment that 8 is very young to board. Having said that, I do think the general discussion revolves around justifying the pro and anti boarding lobbies and avoids both educational and behavioural aspects of growing up except for Psychology mantra.
I am very wary of Psychologists and Psychiatrists and feel bound to admit the prejudice. One of my brothers married an Educational Psychologist who worked closely with a Midlands Public School and a well known London clinic. She had controversial views on dyslexia and her child rearing was odd to say the least. She was also ex Rodean and, just as her husband, had experienced a traumatic adolescence loosing a parent through Cancer. Now I concede any one, or combination, of all of those may have produced her idiosyncrasy. I also have another brother who has suffered with depression and took drugs at University. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia but the consulting Psychiatrist preferred to pressure my father to take the decision to section him, rather than make the judgement himself. Hence my cynicism!
To get back to children and schools. It has been my experience that the former are inevitably affected for good or ill by the latter; by parents' and teachers' perception of background and class or perceived class. This seems to hold true whether or not the school is in the maintained or independent sector. T.I.P.S.Y. has remarked on experiencing a 'subtle' vetting process at work whereby a child is or is not invited home or encouraged to mix socially. That is something I have also found and it makes no difference if the child is boarding or a day school pupil. I do not think this is only a characteristic of public schools. I remember being aware of the same process going on at my State Secondary decades ago.
One final point about the age group. I found this was the age when my eldest and her peers, at her single sex day school, got very cliquey and temperamental. Alliances were made and then broken at will, with it seemed very little reason but a good deal of passion! In her first year at Rugby my twelve year old has been in the thick of a similar process. It was well handled by the House Master and Matron as far as I can tell, but from a personal point of view, it quite soured my experience of Lent term even though academically it was outstandingly successful. How I wish she was boarding and I had been kept blissfully unaware!She is one of only five day girls in her year (September intake has many more) and it is definitely a negative aspect of joining a school at 11+ rather than 13+. I have rather more than twelve months to go before I find out if this is worse for day pupils than boarders but I have my fingers tightly crossed!
[quote="Sassie'sDad"] T.I.P.S.Y. has remarked on experiencing a 'subtle' vetting process at work whereby a child is or is not invited home or encouraged to mix socially. That is something I have also found and it makes no difference if the child is boarding or a day school pupil. I do not think this is only a characteristic of public schools. I remember being aware of the same process going on at my State Secondary decades ago.
Slightly off topic, but I became aware of such social mixing a few years ago at my DDs state primary. I do not hang around at the school gates chatting and so often miss out on much (unimportant) information ....I had invited to our house a girl whom my DD had wanted for tea and when the mother came to pick her up she kept saying how greatful she was and what a surprise it was for her DD to be invited to someone's house as she rarely does. It transpired that the little girl was from a travelling community. She was a delight and my DD gets on very well with her. She came to my DD's party, and was shocked at a few of the other mothers' reactions. So what I am trying to say is social mixing/selecting happens at all stages, state and primary, boarding and day.
Slightly off topic, but I became aware of such social mixing a few years ago at my DDs state primary. I do not hang around at the school gates chatting and so often miss out on much (unimportant) information ....I had invited to our house a girl whom my DD had wanted for tea and when the mother came to pick her up she kept saying how greatful she was and what a surprise it was for her DD to be invited to someone's house as she rarely does. It transpired that the little girl was from a travelling community. She was a delight and my DD gets on very well with her. She came to my DD's party, and was shocked at a few of the other mothers' reactions. So what I am trying to say is social mixing/selecting happens at all stages, state and primary, boarding and day.
I've been following this latest discussion on boarding with some interest, so at the risk of annoying just about everybody here is my [personal] perspective.
My DS(Yr 6) has boarded since September 09. It turned out to be the only practical solution to his particular combination of learning difficulty and ability - falling within the scope of the term "twice exceptional" student. See also some of my longer posts in SEN section.
If the state education system had been able to offer him dyslexic specific help we would have stayed within it.
Do I think this experience is changing him - yes. Do I think he would have changed in this way if he had stayed at junior school - no. Do I think it will all be worth it in the end - I hope so.
Do I want him to board as a senior - probably not.
Do I work - yes, part-time. Since he is boarding I am able to take time off for his holidays as I work pretty much full-time during term-time. I do not work in the private sector.
When the geographic options are limited/unavailable and you do not have the money to move at a whim, boarding can be a solution.
I'm having an interesting time trying to locate the so-called avalanche of peer-reviewed articles detailing the psychological problems attributable to boarding. If I find any, I will post the citations, or maybe others can post the links to their sources?
Susan
My DS(Yr 6) has boarded since September 09. It turned out to be the only practical solution to his particular combination of learning difficulty and ability - falling within the scope of the term "twice exceptional" student. See also some of my longer posts in SEN section.
If the state education system had been able to offer him dyslexic specific help we would have stayed within it.
Do I think this experience is changing him - yes. Do I think he would have changed in this way if he had stayed at junior school - no. Do I think it will all be worth it in the end - I hope so.
Do I want him to board as a senior - probably not.
Do I work - yes, part-time. Since he is boarding I am able to take time off for his holidays as I work pretty much full-time during term-time. I do not work in the private sector.
When the geographic options are limited/unavailable and you do not have the money to move at a whim, boarding can be a solution.
I'm having an interesting time trying to locate the so-called avalanche of peer-reviewed articles detailing the psychological problems attributable to boarding. If I find any, I will post the citations, or maybe others can post the links to their sources?
Susan
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T.i.p.s.y
Sassie's Dad,
Although I have been moaning about the subtle social selection going on amongst parents I do feel it is less of a problem at boarding schools because parent's have less control over who their children bond with except during holidays and weekends if they collect their children, which a high percentage do not. As I mentioned DS is very popular which gives me great comfort as I was not but he just never gets the party or sleep over invites.
Although I have been moaning about the subtle social selection going on amongst parents I do feel it is less of a problem at boarding schools because parent's have less control over who their children bond with except during holidays and weekends if they collect their children, which a high percentage do not. As I mentioned DS is very popular which gives me great comfort as I was not but he just never gets the party or sleep over invites.
Those are my exact exprience too in the state sector and really cant think how worse it can be. I dont have friends to hang with in the playground and its really no suprise as we are just different from everyboardy else. I think this had led me to really have thick skin and dont give a damn about anoyone. They can look up, down, front side back on me but what really matters for me is that my DD gets a great education even if she is different from everyone else. It kind of annoys me sometimes when I hear how much parents worry about fitting in. The great thing is DD has made some really good friends in school as kids often dont look at things parent look forsuncrest wrote: Slightly off topic, but I became aware of such social mixing a few years ago at my DDs state primary. I do not hang around at the school gates chatting and so often miss out on much (unimportant) information .... So what I am trying to say is social mixing/selecting happens at all stages, state and primary, boarding and day.
Impossible is Nothing.
