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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:30 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:24 pm
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Location: surrey
My DS2 is intelligent, but very laid back and lazy. He is currently in year 5 which means we have about 6-9 months to prepare him for the secondary school tests. His brother has just been offered a place at St Olaves grammr school. DS2 is not particularly impressed and not keen on any form of hard work :oops: :roll:

All contributions valued please!!!

Going spare :twisted:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:37 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:23 pm
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you are not alone - we have this between no 1 (son) and no 2 (daughter). I think this is a common difference between first and second children in my experience!!

My daughter is just as bright, if not more so, but less focused and I just can't imagine her settling down to do the amount of work necessary for success in 11+. She might be motivated by competing with her brother - who's just got into a highly selective state secondary - but otherwise I'm not sure what I can do.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:38 am 
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Maybe he doesn't want to go to the same school as is brother. How about taking him to see other schools?If he likes one he may be inspired to work hard to get to it?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:57 am 
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Firstly, Nissi, fantastic result for St O'd - well done... :lol: :lol:

Try a bit of reverse psychology, perhaps? There's a school at the other end of the spectrum, not far from St O's, he could perhaps visit...would the 'alternative' to that achieved with a bit of effort work? :shock:

How non-PC of me, sorry :oops:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:29 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:24 pm
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Location: surrey
Thanks Dodger- some comfort in knowing one is not alone I guess.

Thanks for the reverse psychology tip PB mum. Not sure if it'll work though as he just doesn't seem too bothered about which school he does get into. I am worried that he will get up to mischief because of his lack of focus if he goes to the local comp..

Twinkle-I don't really mind if he doesn't go to st O's, just want him to get into a good school. I don't even think we could get an indie place with his attitude :oops:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:40 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:28 pm
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It can be difficult for number 2. There is a danger they pretend not to care if they are worried about not being able to live up to eldest.
Quite often they will look for a way to be different from first born because they think this way they will get noticed (often they can misbehave at school for example) So one approach is to help them to find a way of acheiving in a slightly different way. Sometimes its obvious in terms of their narural talents but sometimes its a bit trickier. It might be thatif you can find a way to make him feel more confident then his attitude might change.
I would agree that it isimportant to start the 'looking at schools' business all over again for each child - as much for the message it sends them as anything else. (We turned up for Head's talk at an open evening with No.3 & they joked that we should be giving the talk by now!)

Please don't think I am being critical in any way - general comments about how children can feel given their place in the family, which often aren't anything to do with how they are actually treated!

Each of my DC think they are unfairly treated - which probably means its actually pretty fair :wink:


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:53 pm 
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Hi nissi, think you have had good replies already - in my case my first born certainly has more get-up-and-go, tho both DCs clever. DC2 not as focused etc...but when it came down to 11+ work DC liked it! think it was to do with quick nature of the work, short Qs, short answers, fast results - lots and lots of praise - so your DC2 may surprise you too.
Also got DC1 to encourage and praise and talk about how great prospective school was in little asides (rather than lectures) - DC2 listens to DC1. DC2 not changed personality at all but manages now to focus enough when target and rewards are very clear, and now has self-belief.
Good luck


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:31 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:24 pm
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Location: surrey
Many thanks to you all.

Will try the DS1 to DS2 thing :) . DS2 idolises his brother and so may just work. DS2 has been round all the scholls once and will start the process with him again this year at the appropriate time


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:00 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:28 pm
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Maybe DS1 could drop hints about how he could help DS2 settle in if they went to the same school? (Though could backfire if he tries hard & still doesn't make it!)

Very best wishes.


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