Am I shooting my foot by refusing to get a tutor for 7+?
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Yes, me too. It makes me desperately sad that such young children are being trained and coached and compared and selected (or worse, rejected) and barely given time to play. The need for proper free, unsupervised play is not lessened by superior intelligence; but the future mental and emotional health of a small child might very much depend on it. When, oh when, will the UK learn from countries like Sweden and Finland, and when will well-meaning parents realise that children only get one chance at childhood? I am so very glad we out in the wilds of Gloucestershire only have the GS system to contend with - that is bad enough but I would have to hibernate if I was living with this kind of pressure. I agree with you londonmum - and feel so sorry for these poor children. Let the children play!And for those who thought the post was a wind up the same kids are not only going to tutors and Kumon, but are also trotting round to cello and flute teachers, and tennis and swim coaches. There are some remarkably accomplished small boys out there. I feel quite sorry for some of them.
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T.i.p.s.y
.I think it is more of a London phemonem (see, I would not have got into any of these schools as I cant spell), and the extremely sucessful parents working in City jobs who want their own children to have the same passport to sucess. I understand top, top American Universities, and many look beyond Oxbridge, really do want to see applicants with startling good academics as well as great extra curricular music and sport.
I also suspect that life can be quite hard for some expatriate mothers who are stranded in London because of their husband's career and have given up their own high powered work. English education is hard to make sense of and London is really quite mad. The safest thing in these circumstances may be to identify the "best" school and to focus on that. Obviously this approach may then beget its own competitiveness. Others may have made London their base really because of the scope for top flight education and so getting the place is pretty important.
This, at least for me, makes things difficult. I want my children to have a good sense of who they are and to be happy and engaged, but equally not be bothered that they are less good than others, or think that because they may be more talented in some areas, they are in any way better overall. And I want them to have a childhood and be able to find their own level, interests and talents. State education in our particular bit of the inner city is awful and the kids are not bright enough for the super-selectives, (and again we did not want to go down the Tiffin tutor route...) nor religious enough to play that card (the local church school requires both parents and children to score 5 regular religious activities each - we even compete over God in our part of town.)
So the options are move, or pay, and rightly or wrongly we have chosen the latter.
However the pressure and competition does not feel right. Inevitably in London kids do organised activities rather than "play out" as might have happened in diffferent times, and some people take these activities very seriously indeed. In all fairness their children are achieving astonshingly well in a number of fields, but it can take the fun away...
This became quite a significant factor in our school choice though more in the case of one child, who can get quite rattled, than the other. Perhaps more to the point, I get rattled by the parents and find the whole thing wearing. No Grade 8 piano in our household, and I have at times got the sense that my kids, or my parenting, is therefore lesser.
So back to the original post. It is worth thinking about why you might want to try 7+. If it is because you need to move anyway and so feel you might as well make one move rather than two, or you have the sort of child who will thrive with competition, or be able to let it all float over him, and really like one or all of those schools, and your child is sufficiently advanced in reading etc that there is not too much to be done, then go for it. But if it will be a struggle (and many boys develop late) or if the child may do better in a more nurturing environment for longer, do think again. The standard is very high, so at least some preparation will be necessary.
I keep watching those property programmes about moving to the Country. The kids, though, tell me they love living in London and would not countenance any move.
I also suspect that life can be quite hard for some expatriate mothers who are stranded in London because of their husband's career and have given up their own high powered work. English education is hard to make sense of and London is really quite mad. The safest thing in these circumstances may be to identify the "best" school and to focus on that. Obviously this approach may then beget its own competitiveness. Others may have made London their base really because of the scope for top flight education and so getting the place is pretty important.
This, at least for me, makes things difficult. I want my children to have a good sense of who they are and to be happy and engaged, but equally not be bothered that they are less good than others, or think that because they may be more talented in some areas, they are in any way better overall. And I want them to have a childhood and be able to find their own level, interests and talents. State education in our particular bit of the inner city is awful and the kids are not bright enough for the super-selectives, (and again we did not want to go down the Tiffin tutor route...) nor religious enough to play that card (the local church school requires both parents and children to score 5 regular religious activities each - we even compete over God in our part of town.)
So the options are move, or pay, and rightly or wrongly we have chosen the latter.
However the pressure and competition does not feel right. Inevitably in London kids do organised activities rather than "play out" as might have happened in diffferent times, and some people take these activities very seriously indeed. In all fairness their children are achieving astonshingly well in a number of fields, but it can take the fun away...
This became quite a significant factor in our school choice though more in the case of one child, who can get quite rattled, than the other. Perhaps more to the point, I get rattled by the parents and find the whole thing wearing. No Grade 8 piano in our household, and I have at times got the sense that my kids, or my parenting, is therefore lesser.
So back to the original post. It is worth thinking about why you might want to try 7+. If it is because you need to move anyway and so feel you might as well make one move rather than two, or you have the sort of child who will thrive with competition, or be able to let it all float over him, and really like one or all of those schools, and your child is sufficiently advanced in reading etc that there is not too much to be done, then go for it. But if it will be a struggle (and many boys develop late) or if the child may do better in a more nurturing environment for longer, do think again. The standard is very high, so at least some preparation will be necessary.
I keep watching those property programmes about moving to the Country. The kids, though, tell me they love living in London and would not countenance any move.
Well yes, but then they don't know any different, do they? Equally, my children, who are the play outside kind (and we have the catalogue of broken limbs to prove it) would not countenance any move away from the country. We gave up almost all organised extra-curricular stuff a few years ago and the children have been so very much happier for it. They now really do spend all their spare time outside - climbing trees, building dens and dams and charging around our village on their bikes. They are all experts on birds and wildlife in general, though of course this kind of knowledge isn't especially valued any more. Interestingly for you maybe, my middle child has just won an academic scholarship to a (not top, not renowned, but good enough for us!) school, and one of the things the head really liked about him was that he plays outdoors and likes 'old-fashioned' boy things.I keep watching those property programmes about moving to the Country. The kids, though, tell me they love living in London and would not countenance any move.
There is a balance to be struck of course (my 3 all play instruments and sport to a reasonable, but not exceptional, level of competence; and they are all pretty good at school, though not in the top 0.001% or whatever Tipsy was quoting - though if they were, I wouldn't know!) and I am not suggesting it would suit everyone. It is certainly worth deciding what is important to you though, because you will be the better parent for being comfortable with the decisions you make. Children are very adaptable, but they do have a very canny way of knowing when we are not being ourselves.
Good luck to you and your son.
If I moved to the country I could probably feature on one of those documentaries showing hopeless urban people.
Seriously kids are at nice schools and happy, but it did take a bit of thought and I am pleased that they did not face the high pressure stuff at 7+. (Though thinking about it they did get through selection tests at 3+!)
I may also have been a bit heated because we are getting a bit of exposure to the uber-competition at an after school activity. However have remembered another activity our kids might have been doing...Saturday language school. All day. Japanese, Chinese, Greek, French. It all exists to ensure that the new Renaissance child is bi or tri-lingual.
What does happen to these kids. Do they explode in mid-teens, grow up to be superior adults. or actually relax as son as they get a chance and end up all right after all.
Seriously kids are at nice schools and happy, but it did take a bit of thought and I am pleased that they did not face the high pressure stuff at 7+. (Though thinking about it they did get through selection tests at 3+!)
I may also have been a bit heated because we are getting a bit of exposure to the uber-competition at an after school activity. However have remembered another activity our kids might have been doing...Saturday language school. All day. Japanese, Chinese, Greek, French. It all exists to ensure that the new Renaissance child is bi or tri-lingual.
What does happen to these kids. Do they explode in mid-teens, grow up to be superior adults. or actually relax as son as they get a chance and end up all right after all.
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SraCastafiore
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:53 am
londonmum, it seems that we are both living in the same warped world!
I want DS to take 7+ because he is an incredibly curious and intellectually eager boy whose school, although it is an "academic" one, is not engaging him. I am very worried that keeping him there after all the other boys who are at his level have left will cause him to slide downward. I also find the whole process soul-destroying and want him to only move once. State schools are not an option, I am an atheist, and there are no grammar schools close to me.
I am stunned to find that no boy achieved entry without tutoring. Perhaps I was being naive in thinking that my son is bright, the material on the exam is not a stretch for him so all I need to work on is timing and do some bond papers.
SInce posting, I have spoken with a good friend of mine who has had 2 sons go though the process, and another good friend who is a teacher at an academic pre-prep and the answers were both the same - tutor. I was told that people in my sons class have already started tutoring and that those who say they are not tutoring are lying. The teacher pretty much confirmed what Tipsy said, and advised that I hire a tutor, not for academics, but to fine tune my son's skills for the exam. Great. Now I need to find a tutor and perpetuate this mad system!
I want DS to take 7+ because he is an incredibly curious and intellectually eager boy whose school, although it is an "academic" one, is not engaging him. I am very worried that keeping him there after all the other boys who are at his level have left will cause him to slide downward. I also find the whole process soul-destroying and want him to only move once. State schools are not an option, I am an atheist, and there are no grammar schools close to me.
I am stunned to find that no boy achieved entry without tutoring. Perhaps I was being naive in thinking that my son is bright, the material on the exam is not a stretch for him so all I need to work on is timing and do some bond papers.
SInce posting, I have spoken with a good friend of mine who has had 2 sons go though the process, and another good friend who is a teacher at an academic pre-prep and the answers were both the same - tutor. I was told that people in my sons class have already started tutoring and that those who say they are not tutoring are lying. The teacher pretty much confirmed what Tipsy said, and advised that I hire a tutor, not for academics, but to fine tune my son's skills for the exam. Great. Now I need to find a tutor and perpetuate this mad system!
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T.i.p.s.y
It is such a shame that you will need to go down this route. I'm not sure why it is more necessary to tutor at 7 thand 11 or 13 to get a place at an academic London school but it seems to be the case. Every school looks for a different thing. DS2 smashed the academic tests at a very academic school outside of London (feeds mainly to Winchester) but was told he was average at a London school that claimed not to be selective at 8+. I've never boasted that DS2 is super bright but his tests put him in the top 3% so in theory he should get into any school if it is based only on academics.
Good luck finding a tutor - I wouldn't know where to start!
Good luck finding a tutor - I wouldn't know where to start!
