Would she be the 'poor relation'?

[zee]

I agree with all of the above, both from my own direct experience (as one of the poorer pupils at a boarding school) and as a parent of DC who went from indie prep to state grammar in an affluent area. I and now they are aware of the gap, but it's never been a significant problem for any of us. Maybe we've been lucky, but I like to think it's generally true.

Regarding school trips, many schools have funds to subsidise those on low incomes, so it's worth enquiring. It may be hard to justify for skiiing, but be very useful for a language-related trip to a foreign country.

So I wouldn't worry too much about the wealth gap (which is unlikely to be as bad as you think), but I would have some qualms about having one in indie and one in state (though I know many people do it). Even if it's OK now, how will both DC feel in 20 years time if one is a successful high-flier and the other is struggling? No easy answer, but something to consider and be prepared for.

Good luck!

[Kiwimum]

Thanks for your comments zee.
Fortunately my DD's are so different I don't think them going to different types of schools would be an issue. DD1 would probably throw a hissy fit if I told her she had to take a test to go to school!! DD2 does the practice tests for 11+ 'for fun'!
DD1 more arty and creative and would rather draw a book than read one!
Also have DS, he too has been identified as gifted but he also seems to have a little show biz thing going on - goodness knows what sort of school we'll be looking at for him in a few years!

[Pushy Dad]

Hi kiwimum

To us, going private in September with the twins was Plan B, just in case we didn't get our preferred state schools. My son didn't get the school we wanted so when we got the Habs Boys scholarship offer, accepting it was a no brainer. My daughter, on the other hand, got the state school that we wanted but she also got a scholarship offer from SAHSG.

We spent the weekend thinking long and hard about her offer. While we could comfortably support one child at private school, two meant certain sacrifices. I guess what swung it for me was when my daughter came to me and said that she really wanted to go to SAHSG and that she will work really hard once she is there and that she didn't care if she couldn't go on fancy holidays. How could I say no after that?

My point? Be aware of what you are putting into motion. because once you have the offer letter in your hand it will be very difficult to say no.

I suggest that you test the waters and see what you can reasonably expect from a bursary and from there you can do the maths.

On the subject of being the poor relation, you are going to get that even in the state system. My Year 6 daughter is friends with a girl who is a single child. The friend has her own TV and DVD combo in her room, her own laptop. For Christmas she got a Blackeberry on contract

My daughter wouldn't mind if we spolit her that way but it doen't occupy her mind for more that 30 seconds As other posters have said, many of the other kids will come from a background similar to you and I so I wouldn't worry too much about it if your daughter does get a place. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Pushy Dad]

I just read zee's comments about placing siblings in two different type of schools. In our case it was an issue. My daughter has always lived in her twin brother's shadow. He is always the one picked to represent the school in rugby, athletics, swimming and so on. Personality he is also the one that draws the attention. So imagine the damage to her self image if her brother goes off to one of the top boys schools in Herts while she goes of to the local state school.

[Kiwimum]

Hi Pushy Dad
Thanks for you reply.
Can imagine that having twins going through this must be twice the worry and stress - at least I get to deal with them one at a time.
I think if we visit indie schools and like them they would still be our plan B behind the GS, however slim her chances of geting in at least there is a chance.... waiting list, appeal.
Just wanted to get a feel for how she would get on socially if she were to attend an indie and so far have only received positive comments, so at least I'm now considering it as an option.
Lots of thinking and investigation to do...

[flicka]

As regards doing the 11+ a year early - go for it, she'll just be bored otherwise.
My daughter (now 26) did her entrance exam for senior selective school in Jan of her Year 5, and passed with flying colours. The school then said I could defer her place for a year if I wanted to and I agonised over this for a while. There were three other children they accepted a year early, and I decided to let her go. She did end up in the same house as one of the other early entrants, which was nice, and there was never any apparent difference between her and the other new entrants. She never struggled, was in most of the top sets, coped well. It was a mixed school and she was a bit behind with the boys, but that was not a major worry.
A bit of a relief really!
She did her GCSEs a year early, having done a Maths Middle Tier paper in Year 8 (which would have been her Year7 age wise) and gained a B.
She did A levels a year early and went to Uni a year early and progressed with no trouble.
I think girls are well able to cope with this acceleration. Not so sure about boys though!
I think of the four children, two were girls and two were boys.
I know the other girl, who was a couple of months younger than my daughter, did equally well. Couldn't tell you about the boys.

[hermanmunster]

don't worry about kids with signs of visible sopending - often it is not what it seems anyway. At one time, when looking at deprivation indices for areas, we reckoned that it was easier to go and count the satellite dishes - the more there were the more deprived the area was.

Many kids who could have the widgets don't want them. Some very glamorous holidays are that in name only and sometimes other holidays have better memories for kids.

Also visible spending is not the same as wealth. at DD's prep there were some school trips which required a cheque within 5 days ... not excessive amount but quite a few were feelilng unable to pay, having probably easily spent that much shopping & lunch that day - trouble is that the shool trip couldn't go on CC..

[sostressed]

I agree with the poster saying be careful when applying for indies. My daughter wanted to go to a state grammar but being out of area knew it would be difficult and despite doing really well - a few points away from the cutoff- she didn't get a place. She is at a prep school presently , we had to move her because of bullying and the whole focus is on indie secondary school. The children are encouraged to sit the exams even if the parents cannot afford to do private the whole way through by the school - seeing as they are doing the prep anyway etc. My dd did so as to not feel left out and of course got a place and scholarship. The agonising and trauma we have with trying to find a way to make this work espically as my ds is in yr5 and we have to consider whats best for both and us a family. This is the most difficult decision, trying to be fair to both without ignoring my dds wishes, she desperately wanted to go to the indie. Our compromise is to move house and place her in a comp which has an outstanding report, while at the same time banking the funds this releases so if things don't work out we can do it all again at 13+ without her realising. Whether we can go through this senario again or not well.... One of the main deciding factors was not really the fees which we could just about stretch but the extras and lifestyle.

[Kiwimum]

Hi Flicka, hermanmunster and sostressed
I agree with you Flicka that she should take the 11+ early to avoid her becoming bored. Although she is in year 4 she goes to a year 6 maths class where she is in the top set, the school do not know what to do with her next year let only the year after that! The school feel they can challenge her in literacy within her normal class - but we see signs of her losing interest because it is not enough of a challenge. (Not to mention she often gets used as an unpaid teaching assistant - but that's a whole other issue!)
The problem we have is the borough we live in do not allow children to move out of their year group so if she does not get into GS in the other county a year early she will have two more years of primary school before being able to go to the local comp - I worry she will have become completely disinterested by then and am not convinced she will reach her full potential there.
But I agree with sostressed, once I put an indie school on the table it will be hard to take that away again and I'm really not sure we can afford it.
My dilemma continues....

[sadrap]

I have 2 children, the eldest is at a state school, is happy and is doing well. Hes academic and plays Rugby at a county level. My youngest child is at a indie prep school. It became clear in her final year at her primary school that a state secondary school was not able to support the musical needs. She was awarded a scholarship to a prep school, the prep school has been fantastic and recently she has been awarded a 50% scholarship to a great senior indie school. What I'm trying to say is 2 siblings can go to very different schools without causing jealousy and bad feelings. You need to treat your children as individuals and whats good for one may not be right for the other. Also my daughter by no means feel like a poor relation, as a most parents struggle just to pay the school fee's