Removal from independent school due to poor attitude?

[weepiglet]

Hi, there

Is a specialist music school a realistic possiblity for post-prep?

[scarlett]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, WFG....I think as usual lots of good advice has been offered , but it sounds as if you are not really sure what has triggered off this complex behaviour and that makes it difficult to know what's the best way forward , doesn't it ? I think you may have to wait until the Ed pysch has seen him and hopefully will understand the root of his behaviour or as you say, any underlying reasons.It sounds as if you have done your best and looked at this from all angles. My DS2 can be pretty unpredictable behaviour wise and I feel it is definitely linked to his compliant " perfect " older brother as well as having a complex personality which I don't always understand ! It's hard....but the fact you are asking for advice on here and seem very caring, actually will stand him in good stead ( even if it's a few years from now ! )

[suncrest]

WFG, I also think there has been some good advice given here. Perhaps you could also try something my Father used to do with 'us' ......if ever any of us started to go off the rails (and that had to be quite off the rails for my bohemian, laise faire (sp?) parents to notice) then my father would whisk the offending child off for lovely 2 to 3 days away in remote cottage with no electricity where we had to actually talk/play games on a one to one basis. It always worked. Father would eventually get to the point he was trying to make and make us see what we were doing and the effects it could have on ones self/family/society. it wasn't a telling off - more a revelation. You never know it may work.....

[doodles]

That strikes me as a really lovely idea suncrest. I would love two days away in the middle of nowhere with my boys (one by one).

[Waiting_For_Godot]

Thanks again for the comments. Good to know I am not the only parent with a similar child...I think! I like that idea very much suncrest and have hinted that OH do this but as yet it has not materialised. I feel a camping trip coming on....

[suncrest]

The great thing about those 'right rollicking' weekends (as us kids called them) is that we all talk and laugh about them now. My brothers remember the 'recreational drugs talk' weekend and the 'girls...the (real) facts' weekend and we all end up rolling on the floor at Christmas reminiscing. We usually always knew when we would be taken on a rolliking weekend when we had overstepped the mark and usually knew exactly what for. However there was one occasion that I really couldn't think why - [was it because I was 4 timing?.....was it a bad school report???] NO. It turned out that Dad could not bear to see me in my ripped jeans with my bum hanging out on display(it was fashionable then ok!), they had never complained at my pink hair, my bleach blond hedgehog cut or my mod revival phase; he never mentioned my dyed blue eyebrows or shaven sides of my head or any of the other odd clothes I wore (as I said my parents were very laid back) but he hated the fact that his 16 year old daughter was giving the wrong impression from one item of clothing. We returned from that weekend and I had told him that fashion was one thing that he couldn't interfere with and I would continue to wear them. He said that was fine and I was quite right that he couldn't dictate to me what to wear or what I looked like. But you know what - I never wore those jeans again. Also the fact that they only ever gave me positive comments about the way I looked I am sure was the reason that by the time I was 19 my efforts to shock were met with such lovely comments that I had given up and turned 'normal' again. Many years later my father when asked about this said ' well yes dear you were beautiful even through all that muck and we knew you would come back eventually' - such confidence in their own children. We should all have that as parents.

[push-pull-mum]

Sorry to hear you're struggling, W.F.G. but what a lovely lot of supportive advice. I think I want to be adopted into the Suncrest household. I can remember my father driving me up to my mother's place of work to get her to officially veto my 'non uniform day' outfit which, as I recall, consisted of a homemade black netting skirt - much shredded - and not a lot underneath. My mum worked in the kitchen of a minor public school (all boys) so she was not very pleased to see me.

Glad you're getting an Ed Psyc. report. You may find that the school are more supportive and understanding in consequence and you can all get together to draw some realistic boundaries for your son. Reminds me so much of my neice. Her Aspergers wasn't diagnosed until she was 12 but the school (Caterham) is very good about it and has taken good advice on how to distinguish between Aspie episodes and general bad behaviour. She too is ridiculously gifted at practically everything and yet feels inferior to my DD who has always had to work terrifically hard to do half as well but is invariably compliant and well behaved. Neice is doing much better now but I remember the last year of primary was particularly bad - apparently Autistic Spectrum conditions are exacerbated by puberty!

I think you're very wise to keep your options open. There are children who do better at State schools (so long as they are well chosen and thoroughly supported) so you needn't rule it out (because of course, then, you could spend the money saved on a really good musical education at weekends. )

Hopefully everything will be a bit clearer by the time you have to make choices in the autumn. Remember - you're a good parent, or you wouldn't be worried.

[Looking for help]

Suncrest, you sound as if you have a great family, and your father is obviously an exceptionally good parent.

WFG - I would caution against home educating. If your son has problems mixing with others, removing him from them won't improve his social interactivity (IYSWIM). My youngest has a bit of difficulty with other children. He does like them, and they obviously like him, due to the number of invitations he gets. However I have just picked him up from yet another sleepover, where he gets in the car, and says 'Mum, remind me to say no next time'. He'd really rather be at home on his own, reading (flaming) Harry Potter books. Getting him to ask his friends round to ours is very difficult. Behaviour at school isn't a problem, and he's very conscientious, most of the time, but sometimes we do think he may be a little on a spectrum of something, and potentially should have had an ed psych done in order to see, as you know, he din't pass the 11+

[katel]

He's only, what, 10? And he's been to lots of schools and boarded for 2 years, and you say this behaviour has been "going on for years". There seems to have been a lot going on in only 5 years of formal education - it doesn't look as if he's had the chance to settle anywhere, poor little boy.

And if I read your posts correctly, private education is incredibly important to you. What sort of a message is it going to send to a 10 year old if he's moved to what his family obviously consider a sub-standard sector, because he;s not worth spending the money on? Unlike his perfect, compliant, toeing the line big brother? I'm not saying that;s what you think, but you can bet your bottom dollar that's how it will feel to him. And, apart from anything else, it it likely to damage the relationship between him and his brother beyone repair.

[Waiting_For_Godot]

Yes I am acutely aware of the disruptions he has had. DS1 also had many regretful disruptions but thankfully will have done the maximum of 5 years in his prep followed by 5 in his senior school. DS2 was put in a school that goes to 18 so he need not be disrupted again unless it was his choice to move after he had completed the maximum 5 years in prep. As my initial thread stated I am not sure what I think about all of this and if state schools started in Y9 then I wouldn't be thinking along these lines until then.

Private education is not important to me but a great education is whether that be state or independent. It would actually be easier for DS2 to pursue his music to a higher level if he were at state school so I would not see this as sub-standard. I have never criticised state schools to my boys, in fact they think all schools cost money and cost the same amount! If they knew there were free schools they would be asking to go to one so they could pocket the fees!