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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:17 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 8:59 am
Posts: 2
Hi,

I don't know if anyone can help, we had a parents evening 2 weeks ago and had a meeting with the Headmistress to discuss what we thought would be the best options for schools for our daughter post 11+

Instead we were politely "advised" that there was little chance of our daughter passing the 11+ and "perhaps she would be more suited to a less academic school" from the beginning of year 5!

Effectively what she was saying is your daughter isn't going to pass so please leave now so we can keep our pass rate high to attract more children, I already have her booked in with a tutor and we do have her name down dfor a couple of schools but this was for AFTER the common entrance.

The first issue is she is a very quiet shy (nervous) girl and a move we feel would really affect her.

Secondly none of the local independent schools have ANY vacancies for September, indeed they all have waiting lists.

The reason we went private in the first place despite the struggle to pay was the standard of our local schools so the state route really isn't an option either.

So what to do, do I leave her in a school which she will now probably struggle and to be honest I feel has given up on her. (even though it announces itself as non-selective), and may ask her to leave anyway or well sorry but I don't know of any other option.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right forum or board, but I coul dreally do with some advice as it's turned our world upside down.

Thank you


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:27 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:30 pm
Posts: 960
How horrible.

I think the first thing you should do is have a look at your local state schools - you may be pleasantly surprised. If that's not an option, are you in a position to HE her for a while? If she's shy and nervous it might boost her confidence to have some one to one attention for a while.

I'm sure others wil be along soon to offer more advice - but it is completely outrageous that this should come out of the blue like this - the school should have been working with you alll along.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:31 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:39 pm
Posts: 298
sorry to hear that.
which area do you live in and how far are you will to commute daily to school.
I think you are on the right track with tutoring as I had a similar issue with my younger dd who struggled a lot and started to hate school last year. She had early intervention help but she lady was not very helpful and her class teacher at the time was crap (excuse my french)

This happened last summer, I got my older dd's tutor to work with her during the summer and the school had the cheek to tell me when we went back last Sept that my little dd has matured and seems ready for school.

I was delighted to tell them that all the work was done by a tutor that I had to pay to do what they should have been doing in the first place.

Depending on where you live, I may be able to introduce you to a couple of tutors who are gentle but firm and can help.

Good luck and do not despair, she will do well.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:35 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:26 pm
Posts: 344
Location: Rochester
Where are you located Blessedmum? I need a tutor! In the Medway Towns...


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:37 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
If the school is suggesting your dd leave to start yr 5 elsewhere I take it DD is currently in yr 4 ? There are lots of us who have yr 4 children on this forum who may feel they are not great shakes at the moment but with extra work ( and maturity )they will make it. Have you had an inkling your DD may not be academic enough for this school before ? Have you felt as her parent that she is capable of passing the 11 plus ? I think you need to ask to speak again with the HT/ teacher and tell them your DD would be crushed by such a move....ask where she is academically, levels etc and maybe suggest you will work with her depending on what you feel her weak spots are.

I'm not sure how Independent schools work so sorry if the advice isn't relevant ! What I do know, is that from personal experience, sometimes teachers can suggest something to you and when you follow it up, they change their minds, laugh it off or you find it's not as bad as you first thought.I would ask to speak to them again.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 9:38 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8112
Welcome SuzieT and don't worry you are in the right place, may be an 11plus board but covers all sorts of school happenings these days.

I have heard of this sort of thing happening before in indies and I find it very annoying - where I lived it tended to be the indie preps with good results and longer waiting lists - parents tended to feel relieved or honoured that they had a place - I'm really not sure which ! :wink:
then comments would come out about people being "asked to leave" ... suggesting they took entrance exams to year 5 and 6 at other indies (also non selective), often done on the basis that "if they get in now then they won't have to take a test to get in there at year 7..."

Question is - what do you do? I would be tempted to turn it round and suggest that the HM advises you on schools and does the legwork with the schools .. you have obviously already contacted them and have no joy. See what the head finds when she tries...

re your DD - difficult for her - you just have to make sure she keeps her confidence up and does not get wind of this and get upset. If the school do comment to her - make a HUGE fuss. Other options would be to get her assessed by someone independent - DCs prep used to do this - good on all counts.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:53 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:39 pm
Posts: 298
rubyhettybetty wrote:
Where are you located Blessedmum? I need a tutor! In the Medway Towns...


sent you a pm


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:07 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 8:59 am
Posts: 2
Hi everyone,

Many thanks for yuor advice, and apologies I live in a place called Seer Green in Buckinghamshire, and you are right Herman it is a small(ish) indie prep school which has long waiting lists and a high pass rate (we see why now!).

To be honest she did struggle a bi in year 2 but, so we thought, was doing really well in 3 & 4, has ever needed to see the SEN tutor etc. but apparently they took some exams recently and it's most likely on the basis of that as 2 other girls are in the same situation :(

As for distance I would at the moment consider an hour each way to be reasonable!!


Last edited by SuzieT on Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:07 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2010 12:20 pm
Posts: 313
SuzieT, I am really shocked to read that your daughter's school is so unsupportive of you. Passing the 11+ is a huge achievement but it is not for everybody and certainly not the end of the world if a grammar place isn't offered in Year 7. Your school is non-selective so they should be able to meet the varying educational needs of all their students and value each and every one of them. I suspect that your relationship with the school has now been damaged but do what is right for your daughter and don't be pressured by the school to look elsewhere (although I suspect you may want to now). In light of the current economic climate, indie schools should be grateful that they have parents who are able and willing to pay for their child's education. The school welcomed your daughter initially - they should be supporting and encouraging you now. Best of luck to you both.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:04 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 12:57 pm
Posts: 1446
SuzieT,

I am sorry that this has happened. You have two choices - leave now and try and find a school that goes all the way to 18 to avoid more disruptions or let her stay. I spoke to a teacher at an independent school the other day about expulsion and he said it is virtually impossible to expell a child from a private or state school because of litigation claims. In the same vein it will be near impossible for them to remove your daughter so either tell them to get stuffed but you expect them to still provide an excellent education for her or wash your hands of them and send your daughter to a more caring school.

I don't really know about less selective schools that are not boarding but is ClairesCourt fairly unselective?


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