A Moral Dilemma

Independent Schools as an alternative to Grammar

Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators

11 Plus Mocks - Practise the real exam experience - Book Now
menagerie
Posts: 577
Joined: Thu May 26, 2011 9:37 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by menagerie »

I'd be wary of acting on this if the mother is still on a low income. The boyfriend is not yet secure enough to offer to cough up school fees, so yes, the child would have to leave the school. The family may be benefiting from his generosity but that's very different from having a say in how he spends his money, particularly where such hefty amounts as school fees are concerned. If she marries the man, that's different.

It's the child who would suffer and she is innocent.
mike1880
Posts: 2563
Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:51 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by mike1880 »

And it may be stirring up trouble to no good purpose. I know someone who started at indie last year with a bursary; the family runs two cars and has replaced both this year (with much nicer cars than we can afford to drive!), they've had more than one very expensive foreign holiday this year and they're about to trade up to a much larger house. But I don't know how much of anything is being paid by grandparents (theirs are very generous, I think), or how much might be coming out of capital (quite leniently treated by this particular school) - or even that they still have a bursary. So I'm saying nothing...the trouble is this kind of thing can be quite corrosive of friendships if things are left unsaid and suspicions are allowed to fester.

Mike
flicka
Posts: 79
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 6:53 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by flicka »

DD1 was at school on a bursary with another girl on a bursary whose parents ran a business. The girl told her that the parents had spare cash at the end of the year and instead of paying it as school fees for the next year, they bought a new range rover plus a personalised plate!
I didn't say anything. I did see the personalised plate though and was shocked, but again, this was just said by an eleven year old girl, so the real truth could have been something quite different.
Had I said anything, I'm sure it would have been the innocent child who would have suffered.
Put up and shut up is my best advice, keep your nose clean and be sure everything YOU do is above board. I guess the advice "let he who is without sin throw the first stone" is still quite good.
SurreyLass
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:39 am

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by SurreyLass »

Thank you so much for your interesting comments, I appreciate every one.
It is indeed a very tricky situation: Initially I wasn't thinking in terms of her being prosecuted, or going to prison! :shock: I thought, perhaps naively, that they would be asked to pay the fees from now on which might lead to the child being pulled out of the school (they might not want to make the necessary sacrifices that other parents are prepared to make). I was also worried for the child because she has betrayed her mother's 'confidence'.
I have discovered that they are definitely living together and I estimate (knowing their occupations) that they earn at least £90,000-£100,000 between them, with the natural father's income on top of that. I wish I didn't know what I know because I feel uncomfortable about the situation whatever I do. On one hand I do not want to be responsible for any problems that might arise for the family. On the other hand, I do not feel right about turning a blind eye - where does it end? Is it right to ignore the actions of benefit thieves, tax dodgers, or shoplifters just because we know there is a child in the home who could suffer if their parents are 'found out'? I feel, by doing nothing, I am condoning her behaviour. I feel she knows she is doing wrong or she would not have asked her daughter to keep quiet.
Many parents in the school are stuggling to pay the fees and they make huge sacrifices, it really seems very unfair indeed.
Having said all the above, I can't imagine myself taking the step to expose them. I am going to sit on my hands for the time being in the hope she sees sense and declares her change of circumstances. However, if they trot off to the Caribbean for Christmas again ...
mystery
Posts: 8927
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:56 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by mystery »

Yes but before you jump to any conclusions whatsoever, have you read the bursary application form for that particular school? It may not include the questions you think it does.
sherry_d
Posts: 2083
Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:38 pm
Location: Maidstone

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by sherry_d »

SurreyLass wrote:However, if they trot off to the Caribbean for Christmas again ...
Is that your gripe then? Stay away from it and why should you be monitoring where they go next. Its the school's job to make sure that this woman is eligible for what she gets. If the school sees this child going on expensive holidays and parents driving expensive cars and they bury their head in why should you. I really think you should stay out of this and stop poking your nose at what they do next. Its the school's responsibility to make sure who ever they have given the bursary continue to be responsible.

...and really should this new found boyfriend who has just moved in be suddenly stumping someone's child fees?
Impossible is Nothing.
SurreyLass
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:39 am

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by SurreyLass »

My "gripe" is that bursary funds are supposed to be there for the needy. I doubt the kind souls who contribute towards the bursaries intend for the money to be given to parents who can afford to pay their own way. I happen to think it's wrong to deliberately withhold information to gain financially and encourage your child to lie but perhaps I'm just being old fashioned.
vasu
Posts: 719
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 3:36 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by vasu »

My friend's son got into all the Indies he gave exam for, with a special letter from the headteachers, commending on the boy's extraordinary scores. However the scholarships they offered him were peanuts. One of the leading Indies suggested to take the bursary route, in spite of knowing, my friend makes a comfortable living. They don't have latest car or big house but support old parents back home. They cannot afford a private school. They did not fib to get in. The child is going to a top Grammar school now. He will be an asset to any school he goes to. It makes me mad that people lie and cheat to get bursary while deserving candidates are not even extended a helping had. :evil: And what do their kids learn.......bend the rules to get what you want.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
mystery
Posts: 8927
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:56 pm

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by mystery »

Mmmmmmmmm me thinks the OP is not in possession of all the facts.
no_ball

Re: A Moral Dilemma

Post by no_ball »

One school of thought would be to ring the school anonymously and see what school says
Post Reply