Go to navigation
It is currently Tue Dec 06, 2016 10:18 am

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 16 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:24 pm
Posts: 160
My dd has become hugely stressed - just 9.5 she has been talking about hating life and wanting to be dead for 3 weeks now - the same dd who has been unbelievably sweet and relaxed throughout her life, though always very imaginative.......It has been such a shock. We are hugely lucky that her state primary has an onsite counsellor who is being terrific.

At the moment, it feels we are doing all the obvious things - taking the pressure off, playing lego together, just step by step day by day...... but what next, once she's regained her equilibrium?

She had been doing a weekly session with a tutor (who she likes but is demanding) plus around 45 mins of writing/comprehension and 4 sessions of 15-20 mins of maths and 25 mins of V or NV. She's also taken on a large number of afterschool clubs (which we've agreed she's dropping next term, apart from drama and piano both of which she wants to continue). And school homework of around 30 mins a week in all. I didnt feel it was a huge amount having sat through endless private school sessions where prep school kids seemed to already be doing an hour or so a night.....

But it may be too much for her..... She is bright but not at the top of her class (though both tutor and assessment said she should be but hasnt been stretched)... she isnt keen on school work - definitely seeing it as work with play and friends far more desirable.

I would love advice - any ideas and thoughts, especially from anyone who's been through something similar. Im thinking at hte moment we should perhaps only do 20 mins of writing and 2 x 20 mins maths outside tutor session.... but even thinking that might be too much for her and that I might be stretching her too far and inappropriately. And it is certainly making me rethink the kind of school she should go to next..... one where nurture is as important as achievement


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:33 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:28 pm
Posts: 2439
Has something sparked this change in attitude - falling out with friends? Something she has seen/heard on tv?

I can't really offer any advice. However, what you are doing - ie. more family time sounds good. Why don't you contact Childline? I'm sure they will be offer you advice.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:17 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:02 pm
Posts: 93
I suspect this is not unusual and a period of relaxation will help as you have already implemented.

Then you can have a proper discussion with her about it, how she is feeling, discuss coping strategies and think about where to go from there.

It may help to take her to some open days if you haven't already and see where inspires her, and then you can talk about what she will need to do to achieve a place there. if she likes drama and music, then she is likely to be inspired by some of the facilities. If she wants to go for a more academic place, agree a plan of work that will also give her some time off and the odd period with no work at all. I would also discuss a plan B so that she does not feel she will be a failure if she doesn't achieve Plan A

I would also try to explore whether feeling different from her mates is contributing to this.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:09 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
It certainly sounds like a cry for help ....and your DD ( with her great imagination ) is thinking of the most dramatic thing possible . Has anything triggered this off ? Is she seeing the counsellor solely for this or is there anything else going on ? Any bullying ? Or is it just she feels completely overwhelmed by her life at the moment ?

If that's the case, you need to completely pull back .Can you have a really good heart to heart with her and ask what she feels should be done to make her life feel worthwhile again ?

I wonder if she's feeling vulnerable and unable to control important decisions which are happening at the moment and which she may be feeling scared about ?

I hope you sort things out . x


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:01 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:57 pm
Posts: 1167
.


Last edited by Belinda on Sat Nov 03, 2012 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:25 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:02 pm
Posts: 93
Belinda wrote:
She has to know, truly know that her well-being is more important to you than anything. She needs to feel accepted and loved especially whilst / despite not doing any extra work.


This is obviously right - but I don't think it means you can't encourage her to think about school and work when and if the initial stress passes over.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:27 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8113
..... ? Hormones ??? :roll:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:40 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 9:16 pm
Posts: 1440
I think you have been given some very good advice by the other posters.

A girl in my youngest DS's class at primary school went through a period which her Mum described as a period of depression. Her Mum confided in her tutor who suggested she take a little time off. She actually took her out of school for a few days and let her decide exactly what she wanted to do. She decided to go to the zoo and to The National History Museum. She made it clear to her daughter she didn't mind which senior school she went to and assured her that her happiness was the most important consideration. Her daughter decided she wanted to go to the local grammar. Her Mum involved her in all decisions regarding preparation (when and how much). I think her intention was that her daughter would feel more in control.

Of course your priority is your DS's happiness and well being. It may be that you need to keep telling her this at the moment. I wish you both well and hope your daughter feels happier in herself soon. Do bear in mind that some girls seem to have a bit of a surge in hormones at this young age and this could be affecting her mood too. Lots of big hugs are in order I think, but I have no doubt you are already doing this.

(My post crossed with Herman's - those hormones are still plaguing me at 47!) :roll:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:21 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:44 am
Posts: 1390
Location: Reading
I feel for you both - we are definitely seeing a few 'hormonal' outbursts in our just turned 10 yr old DD.
The workload does sound a fair bit if she was previously just doing 30 mins a week in homework. I would like to be doing something like you are are attempting but DD gets more like 30 mins homework per day and at least as much at the weekend. Add in after school Brownies, swimming and drama and it just won't go. Maybe a break would help your DD. her expression of unhappiness is pretty strong stuff.
For us, the fact that DD really wants to go to the GS after attending the open day has helped - there is a reason for the extra effort. There is also an end date to it.

I hope you find a way out of this, and quickly.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 7:58 am 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 4:12 pm
Posts: 302
When we started doing 11+ prep with my twins in Year 5 we got a similar reaction from DS. We weren't too concerned because DD didn't find the routine stressful AND she isn't as academic as her brother.

With DS the talk about being sooooo stressed and being mega unhappy faded when things clicked after a few weeks. Basically, its in his nature to look at something new and go "I can't do it" and then work himself up over it.

I obviously don't know your DD but her stress could be because she lacks confidence in her abililty to 'click' with the material. In our case, we pushed through the 'pain barrier' and it did click after a few weeks.

Obviously if the workload is beyond your DDs capabilities then you should rein it back. Other wise I would dial it back a little and then slowly increase it again.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 16 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
CALL 020 8204 5060
   
Privacy Policy | Refund Policy | Disclaimer | Copyright © 2004 – 2016