First term of Y7 report - how to share with DD?

[LostInTheShuffle]

I am really surprised by such strong, emotional reactions. I had planned to do so (and did yesterday morning) but wanted to get a sense of how other parents approached it. In primary school, we didn't because DD's teachers were candid about certain personal matters which we - as parents - appreciated hearing but didn't think it needed to be shared with DD in verbatim form.

Regarding secondary school, DD's report was posted on the parents portal to which DD didn't have access. Any tentativeness on my part pertained to comments made by a number of DD's teachers about, fundamentally, DD's shyness/introversion (manifesting in hesitancy to contribute to class discussions but not an issue with respect to homework/other written work and small group activities). I thought that perhaps a synthesis of such comments would help ensure that DD didn't blow it out of proportion but, on balance (as DD's teachers were complimentary about most other things), I decided to have her read the report and then asked for her reaction (we had a good chat).

On a related matter, I came across the "My invisible child" thread (http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/ ... 33&t=45195) and was wondering whether schools in the UK try too hard to get all students to be extraverts (in the words of Amber, "Expecting children always to want to contribute in class isn't necessarily the Good Thing we tend to assume it is").

[hermanmunster]

Can see the problems - agree with your comments


H ave always treated comments about being quiet / introversion as a positive thing (empty vessels etc etc ) - when told for the nth time that "DC was very quiet" - we used to say "we know, tell us something important instead"

[Amber]

On a related matter, I came across the "My invisible child" thread (http://www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/ ... 33&t=45195) and was wondering whether schools in the UK try too hard to get all students to be extraverts (in the words of Amber, "Expecting children always to want to contribute in class isn't necessarily the Good Thing we tend to assume it is").

I am obviously going to agree with that very wise statement, but yes I get fed up with extroversion being so cultivated - often in the name of 'self esteem'. Being quiet and keeping one's counsel are not synonymous with having low self esteem or lacking confidence. Activities aimed at building self esteem often end up by encouraging 'self expression', or the voicing of one's own needs. Not the same thing at all as a nice inner calm and peace, imho. I am not sure that teachers are best placed to judge whether a child's reticence is a manifestation of lack of confidence: it could equally be laziness, lack of interest, or a feeling that they don't have anything to say so why bother? The latter quality being sadly absent in many members of society these days.

A friend whose child was at kindergarten in the US was a little alarmed when said offspring came home and sang a new song she had learned that day, to the tune of 'Frere Jacques' (look away now, Jane Eyre). It went

I am special, I am special,
Look at me, look at me,
I am very special, I am very special,
Look at me, look at me.

An extreme example, but not one I feel we necessarily need to be aspiring to.

[Stroller]

I am not sure that teachers are best placed to judge whether a child's reticence is a manifestation of lack of confidence: it could equally be laziness, lack of interest, or a feeling that they don't have anything to say so why bother? The latter quality being sadly absent in many members of society these days.

I still cringe / bristle at the memory of a fellow student, who felt compelled to ask questions in every lecture, usually about very mundane details, which had already been clarified in information or mails she hadn't bothered to read. She's held up in our home as an example of how we do not want to behave.

There's also a lot to be said for teaching children to give others a chance to speak, rather than desperately seek the limelight. You need the skills to get your point across, but combined with the ability to know when to do it.

[Tinkers]

Agree with Amber, my DD is quite introverted, but there is nothing too wrong with her self esteem or confidence in her own ability. She just doesn't like being the centre of attention.

[Guest55]

Remember 'empty vessels make the most sound' ..... it's often the quiet ones that share the 'gems'.

I've found that if I see/hear something I want shared with the class and ask a student quietly if they'll feedback at the end of a lesson then virtualy everyone is willing to contribute.

[booellesmum]

I get very wound up about the push for everyone to be extrovert and put their hand up all the time. I am an introvert, as is my best friend, and I remember to this day how awful I felt when we were both hauled to the front of class in English just before GCSE's and told by the teacher how hopeless we were and would never achieve anything because we were so quiet. I am now an Orthoptist and spend my day talking to patients and my friend is a Psychologist!!!!
DD2's report this week had all "good" comments for attitude to work. She will never get the "excellent" comment because it is based on class participation. So much for the fact that she does her homework without being asked, on time and to a high standard, and has done well in all her tests because she has a great work ethic and has revised hard. I have decided I don't care and told her neither should she - she is perfect just the way she is.

[LostInTheShuffle]

Does any secondary school in the UK or elsewhere take into account a child's introversion/extraversion when evaluating his/her class contributions?

I know some workplaces offer personality profile assessments (eg Myers Briggs Type Indicator) to help teams function better (because each person knows whether his/her teammates are introverted/extraverted, fact-based/intuition-based in decision-making, etc).

[Guest55]

I would say most schools do consider what a child is like. It's early in Year 7 so most teachers I know would not comment on 'being quiet' in a report at this stage - it might be the sort of thing they might mention at a Parents Evening if it was felt to be a problem.

[Stroller]

When I was at secondary school, we were tested by our career guidance teacher and we all knew our MBTI profiles. I have done the test three or four times since and there's surprisingly low variance from the original scores.

Class is more interesting if everyone contributes something worthwhile from to time. For those who need practice to make a point, school can be a fairly safe place. In the workplace, doing your own job competently is a starting point, but sharing your knowledge with others and helping them to develop too is seen as a higher order skill. I have significant sympathy for those who don't enjoy public speaking, but I wouldn't allow kids to opt out entirely. Develop the skills, then reserve the right to choose when to use them...