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 Post subject: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:03 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 26, 2011 8:37 pm
Posts: 577
Just wanted to open up a general discussion about rewards - small, big, frequent or after finishing the exam? Good or bad idea to have them?

I was never rewarded for working at school. The reward was the grade, and the lovely cheer in the staff room when I got into a great university. But I also remember feeling miffed and a bit neglected by my parents when all around me friends were getting bikes and walkmans (shows my age! :wink: ) and £100s cash for achieving their grades.

I don't want to bribe my kids but at the same time, I do want them to equate hard work with reward: interesting job, better paycheque etc. After uni, despite getting good grades, I never associated money or gain with hard work or deserving a fair reward, and spent years in very demanding but low paid jobs. I sometimes wonder if there was a connection there.

Do you reward? If so, how often, what sort of thing, what for?
If not, why not and are your children fine about it?


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
It's difficult...but I think we all need motivating and when you're small a big pat on the back just doesn't cut it !

I did buy my son a ds but at the end of the summer holidays ( he took the Kent Test beginning of September ) and told him it was because I was so impressed with his work ethic and working hard practically every day .I didn't want to promise anything for passing because what do you do if they fail ? ...I did buy him a bit of lego when he passed though which he wasn't expecting.

My second son recently received a certificate at school for working hard and being well mannered and then to follow that up he also received a book token from the head which he was chuffed to bits with .It doesn't have to be anything massive...just something to spur them on.

When I took my A' Levels my parents told me for every A they would give me 5 pounds...well I did get a couple of A's but never received the money :cry: and I still remember that as a great injustice although in those days you would never have dreamed of asking " where's my money ?"!

I think it is important to let your children know that working hard will mean they will get a good job, live in a nice house , find a lovely wife/ husband etc although when you hear of the scores of graduates /school leavers who don't secure a job I do wonder if maybe I shouldn't say that any more !


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 2:58 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:28 pm
Posts: 2439
Theres a similar discusion here:

viewtopic.php?f=38&t=14063&hilit=reward


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 3:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:27 am
Posts: 645
Location: Buckinghamshire
When I did my 'O'levels I was given £5 for an A, £3 for a B and £1 for a C - it could have resulted in a small fortune (well it was the 1980's!), however, my results didn't break the bank :wink:


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 3:19 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
Posts: 4608
I must have a look at the other thread, but I am firmly against rewarding results, but I am in favour of rewarding effort. When DS took his 11 plus we bought him a small present the weekend afterwards and said it was to reward his effort. What if he hadn't passed but had worked very hard? Didn't he still deserve a reward? We also didn't make a big fuss when he did pass as his sister hadn't a few years before and we thought it would make her feel bad. We just told him we were very proud of him.


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:09 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
Posts: 6966
Location: East Kent
I would definitely reward effort


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:12 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:09 pm
Posts: 379
Location: groombridge, e.sussex
We didn't do a present for passing, but went for pizza and bowling after the 11 + with another family. My parents bought both DC a gift "to keep" ie cufflinks for DS and bracelet for DD. They said it was to recognise their hard work and moving on to big school. I know they'd have given them regardless of results.


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:34 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:52 pm
Posts: 737
My son (only 6) bought his sister a little cuddly toy the day she took her 11+. She hasn't slept without it in her hand ever since. I did wonder whether she would take against the toy when she didn't get a Grammar place but instead it has just become another item on her 'reasons it was worth it' list.


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:06 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 26, 2011 8:37 pm
Posts: 577
What a lovely story. It's things like that which they remember from childhood.


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 Post subject: Re: Rewards
PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 10:56 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 10:50 am
Posts: 36
When dd got through the 11+ we didn't reward her as such but did go out for a meal of her choice to celebrate the good news and her hard work.

I agree that effort should be rewarded and a small incentive along the way doesn't hurt; we DIY'd for a relatively short period and gave dd a small surprise treat every time she achieved above 68/70/72 - we'd agree the score beforehand and she seemed to relish aiming for a particular mark...she also enjoyed the element of a surprise treat even though they were only favourite choccies or girly nik naks.


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