Really bad mark only 92 in Bucks

[southbucks3]

Brilliant advice another dad.

I dont know where you are but if it is the lord bills secondary school you have done well, and the work is certainly not of a low standard.

Also my hubby was in the local bras band as a teenager, and toured about bucks nd oxon playing fetes etc.

My son got grumpy last night and asked why we were not appealing, when his friends were, i kept shtum and told him he had to concentrate on doing the very best work he possibly could to prove himself worthy of top stream at upper school. He asked if we could appeal and i just said "nope, your mark was too low, move on" in a mummy stern voice. He then went and did his homework, and played minecraft, so obviously not too upset,! No way am i going to tell him, he would just get upset again, come spring, that is for our shoulders, not his.

Also be very careful her school friends do not think she is rejecting them, and their secondary school choice as unworthy. I am sure she is not directly expressing that opinion, but her disappointment could be misconstrued by friends in the wrong way.

Good luck, you are a great.mum in every way possible so be strong and firm for your dd

[Guest55]

Aylesbury Music Centre draws children from a wide radius of schools to its various orchestras (although it comes with the health warning of being on AHS premises

AMC has it's own premises - they just happen to be adjacent to AHS ...

[Tinkus-Pinkus]

Hi all,

Thank you all for your kind advice. Yes the school is Lord Bills. Unfortunately our look around the school did not go too well, we were shown around with a girl who had learning difficulties and the focus of the visit was on her, not on my DD.
I have not told my DD I will appeal, I wouldn't want her to go though any disappointment again. In fact I have said that she is definitely going to Lord Bills. I have promoted the school heavily right from the start. I have many friends whose children go there and they all love it. I have told her all the way through that my preferred option is Lord Bills. She is very stubborn and is just saying she wont go to school - Not good! Yes she is 10 but she loves school at the moment and I am terrified that I am not going to be able to change her attitude.
I live in Bucks by the way not Oxfordshire. I just happen to be in the Lord Bills catchment.

Any ideas for changing my daughters mind would be much appreciated. I am trying to organise another visit to the school at the moment.

[anotherdad]

Unfortunately our look around the school did not go too well, we were shown around with a girl who had learning difficulties and the focus of the visit was on her, not on my DD.

I would take that to be a positive sign of an outstanding school's approach to inclusion...

[Tinkus-Pinkus]

P.S. None of her school friends are going to Lord Bills, her primary is elsewhere in Oxfordshire, so they are going elsewhere, or on to Headington or Oxford High.
I have explored the County orchestra, but unfortunately it takes place on a Saturday morning. I work in Oxford on a Saturday and DD attends a drama/dance/singing school which she loves and wont give up and I cant give up our livelihood. She will just have to manage with ensembles. As lord Bills finishes so early she will be able to continue to go to her music tutor who is second to none, if she had gone to AHS she would have had to have a tutor at school. There are so many positives and I have pointed them all out. Oh and I didn't mean the Lady literally. I know who is in charge and it is certainly not DD Just hard when your child is so stubborn.

[Amber]

. She is very stubborn and is just saying she wont go to school - Not good! Yes she is 10 but she loves school at the moment and I am terrified that I am not going to be able to change her attitude...Any ideas for changing my daughters mind would be much appreciated. I am trying to organise another visit to the school at the moment.

This comes down to parenting style - we are all different in this regard and do what works - and any advice will be hard to give, and maybe take as well. For me this would be a 'no negotiation' issue - this is the school you will go to, sorry about that but it is a very good school, life can be tough but often things work out for a reason, etc. But I know everyone has their own way of dealing with these things. Certainly my views on secondary schooling were never sought, and I was presented with a fait accompli and a nasty uniform to boot. Things have changed I suppose but I am not really in favour of ten year olds having much say in what they will and won't do in this regard. If her attitude doesn't change, then she will be the main casualty and will end up throwing away chances - from everything you have said she is too smart for that so I am fairly sure after a period of adjustment and loving but firm parenting, her view will change.

Good luck - sounds like you are saying all the right stuff so keep on in there. She's still a little girl and will be keen to make you happy too.

[mystery]

I suspect that your daughter is miserable that she "failed" in her eyes, not so much about the outstanding comp on offer. You need to give her some examples of very high achieving, highly intelligent people who failed their 11plus exams. It's the silly test that is at fault, not your daughter.

I do not intend to take my daughter round schools .... well let's say I didn't, but they hear everyone else going round and she is asking already (beginning year 5). I will take her to one school only and tell her that this is just an example of a secondary school and I haven't a clue which one she will get a place at.

[Tinkus-Pinkus]

I suspect that your daughter is miserable that she "failed" in her eyes, not so much about the outstanding comp on offer. You need to give her some examples of very high achieving, highly intelligent people who failed their 11plus exams. It's the silly test that is at fault, not your daughter.
I have done this, I found a brilliant educational PowerPoint presentation on Einstein, who apparently was really bad at exams. It just happens that my step father went to GS and hated it because he always felt as though he was middling in a very high achieving bunch. She sees this in herself, but still is not changing her views.

I do not intend to take my daughter round schools .... well let's say I didn't, but they hear everyone else going round and she is asking already (beginning year 5). I will take her to one school only and tell her that this is just an example of a secondary school and I haven't a clue which one she will get a place at.

Yes, hindsight tells me this was a major mistake. We were so sure she would pass though. It didn't really occur to anyone that she wouldn't until she came out of the test in tears. I am sure we will get there in the end. We are planning another visit to Lord Bills, and I am going to make sure that it is a good one this time.

[southbucks3]

Hello, just a yhought, but could you persuade another parent and child to go with you who love it....they would not be looking for the downside like your daughter, but feeling excited about seeing the next school.

[Y]

Is it just that she is now too proud to back down, and doesn't want to be 'wrong' that her choice of school is just not as good as your choice of school? (That would have been me!) It might be that Amber's approach is simplest, and 'least said, soonest mended'? Individual psychology is a very tricky thing!