Crunch time
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stressed mum
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:18 am
You can bounce back!
Hi there Mammog!
Sorry I wasn't there with you there earlier - had do to do a casserole mercy-dash earlier to aged parent with broken wrist.
But when I logged on I felt for you SO much - you have done absolutely everything you possibly could - and left no stone unturned. Do not ever beat yourself up about it!
If you had not gone that extra mile (sorry - km) you would have never forgiven yourself. I know that you are angry, drained , exhausted, and realise that the appeal system almost seems like pot luck (I'm pretty certain that the same appeal panel that rejected my daughter would have rejected my son in 2006 - who got 120/117 and successfuly won his appeal - and is now an A-A* student at AGS). Makes you sick - but luck of the draw.
But when DD didn't win appeal, she just got on with it. She is on the gifted and talented register for maths (what - she kept that quiet?) at school. Has got the most number of housepoints in her year - everyone is in awe of her new badges (and NO negative comments) and she has said that if she passes the 12 plus (did it on Monday - seemed happy) - she might decide to stay at her middle schiol (in Beds) for the next year and then go on to the Upper School (whose results were better than some private schools and a certain grammar - depending on how you interpret the stats).
So really, I agree with Sarah's comments about really enjoying and doing well at the other school - which is such a confidence boost. But once everything has died down, I would not rule out doing the 12 plus. You only have to start getting them used to doing the papers again about 2 or 3 months before. They are a lot older. And you could say we may as well give it a go - but no pressure.
Thinking of you lots
Sorry I wasn't there with you there earlier - had do to do a casserole mercy-dash earlier to aged parent with broken wrist.
But when I logged on I felt for you SO much - you have done absolutely everything you possibly could - and left no stone unturned. Do not ever beat yourself up about it!
If you had not gone that extra mile (sorry - km) you would have never forgiven yourself. I know that you are angry, drained , exhausted, and realise that the appeal system almost seems like pot luck (I'm pretty certain that the same appeal panel that rejected my daughter would have rejected my son in 2006 - who got 120/117 and successfuly won his appeal - and is now an A-A* student at AGS). Makes you sick - but luck of the draw.
But when DD didn't win appeal, she just got on with it. She is on the gifted and talented register for maths (what - she kept that quiet?) at school. Has got the most number of housepoints in her year - everyone is in awe of her new badges (and NO negative comments) and she has said that if she passes the 12 plus (did it on Monday - seemed happy) - she might decide to stay at her middle schiol (in Beds) for the next year and then go on to the Upper School (whose results were better than some private schools and a certain grammar - depending on how you interpret the stats).
So really, I agree with Sarah's comments about really enjoying and doing well at the other school - which is such a confidence boost. But once everything has died down, I would not rule out doing the 12 plus. You only have to start getting them used to doing the papers again about 2 or 3 months before. They are a lot older. And you could say we may as well give it a go - but no pressure.
Thinking of you lots
many thanks
dejavu
dejavu
Dear Mummog,
I really feel for you and think I understand to some extent how you must be feeling. I admire your positive attitude and wish you and your daughter all the very best. I don't know whether this is relevant, or will be of any help or comfort to you but my oldest son just missed the 11+ and was unsucessfull at appeal 5 years ago. I must admit that ever since I felt that he should have been at a grammar school, however once he started at his upper he did do well, when the time came for the 12 + he did not want to change school and didn't sit the test. Like you have suggested with all the out of school activities you have planned for your daughter we did similar things for and with our son. I don't know if they were of any benefit to his performance at school but I do know they were really good fun and didn't do any harm. Maybe if he was at grammar school we wouldn't have done this. As things have turned out for my son, last summer he sat some GCSE's, some full and some short varieties and got A's and A*'s. He is due to take the bulk of his GCSE's this summer and has been predicted to do well. I must admit that I had a wry smile when attending the open evening of the grammar school he wanted to go to with my younger son and saw the GCSE results and noted that none of their students got an A* in a particular subject that my oldest got A* in. With reflection I sometimes think he is in this position in spite of being at an upper and sometimes think that it is because he is at an upper, but on balance I don't think his results would be any different regardless of the school he has attended.
My advice to you would be to casually ask your daughter if she would like to sit the 12+, if she does back her fully and do everything you can to help her, if she doesn't want to and is happy at her new school I wouldn't put any pressure on her whatsoever to sit it. You said that your preferred grammar only had one 12+ entry space this year, there may be more this year and even if there is only one place, why shouldn't that be your daughters place. See how things develop at her new school and take it from there.
I honestly believe that your daughter is so lucky to have such caring parents as you and your husband and that your support and nurturing will have a greater bearing on her acheivements ultimately than the actual school she attends. Some children are not so lucky to have this support at home and maybe then the actual school they attend is more important.
Good luck and take care.
Lilly
I really feel for you and think I understand to some extent how you must be feeling. I admire your positive attitude and wish you and your daughter all the very best. I don't know whether this is relevant, or will be of any help or comfort to you but my oldest son just missed the 11+ and was unsucessfull at appeal 5 years ago. I must admit that ever since I felt that he should have been at a grammar school, however once he started at his upper he did do well, when the time came for the 12 + he did not want to change school and didn't sit the test. Like you have suggested with all the out of school activities you have planned for your daughter we did similar things for and with our son. I don't know if they were of any benefit to his performance at school but I do know they were really good fun and didn't do any harm. Maybe if he was at grammar school we wouldn't have done this. As things have turned out for my son, last summer he sat some GCSE's, some full and some short varieties and got A's and A*'s. He is due to take the bulk of his GCSE's this summer and has been predicted to do well. I must admit that I had a wry smile when attending the open evening of the grammar school he wanted to go to with my younger son and saw the GCSE results and noted that none of their students got an A* in a particular subject that my oldest got A* in. With reflection I sometimes think he is in this position in spite of being at an upper and sometimes think that it is because he is at an upper, but on balance I don't think his results would be any different regardless of the school he has attended.
My advice to you would be to casually ask your daughter if she would like to sit the 12+, if she does back her fully and do everything you can to help her, if she doesn't want to and is happy at her new school I wouldn't put any pressure on her whatsoever to sit it. You said that your preferred grammar only had one 12+ entry space this year, there may be more this year and even if there is only one place, why shouldn't that be your daughters place. See how things develop at her new school and take it from there.
I honestly believe that your daughter is so lucky to have such caring parents as you and your husband and that your support and nurturing will have a greater bearing on her acheivements ultimately than the actual school she attends. Some children are not so lucky to have this support at home and maybe then the actual school they attend is more important.
Good luck and take care.
Lilly
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worriedmum1
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:55 am
- Location: Amersham
crunch time
Dear Mummog,
Having followed your case I am just letting you know how sorry I am that you didn't succeed. Your child seems very able and with all the evidence and effort you were able to provide it seems very unfair. I am sure with such a motivated and caring family your child will do so well in life. Best wishes, Worried Mum.
Having followed your case I am just letting you know how sorry I am that you didn't succeed. Your child seems very able and with all the evidence and effort you were able to provide it seems very unfair. I am sure with such a motivated and caring family your child will do so well in life. Best wishes, Worried Mum.
Hi All
I continue to appreciate your thoughts and good wishes and thank you so much for spending the time to reply to my post. Lily, I wholeheartedly agree with you to go with the flow and see what the first term at upper school brings.
As I have stated before, our upper school has been transformed since I looked at it with my 16 year old son. My reaction then was 'over my dead body'. Traditionally in our area, families whose children did not get into a grammar school opted for private education and the school made up its numbers with children from quite some distance away. But it is amazing what a good head teacher can do. The school is now significantly oversubcribed each year and, dare I say, the more parents who send their children to the school rather than educate privately the higher the standards cannot fail to become.
I really do feel for those parents who are unhappy with their upper school options and are desperate to find an alternative for their child but, of course, passing the 11+ does not mean the school of one's choice necessarily. All in all, we are happy with our lot and I will take this opportunity to wish everyone luck in their school allocations which are now just around the corner.
Kindest regards
Mummog x
I continue to appreciate your thoughts and good wishes and thank you so much for spending the time to reply to my post. Lily, I wholeheartedly agree with you to go with the flow and see what the first term at upper school brings.
As I have stated before, our upper school has been transformed since I looked at it with my 16 year old son. My reaction then was 'over my dead body'. Traditionally in our area, families whose children did not get into a grammar school opted for private education and the school made up its numbers with children from quite some distance away. But it is amazing what a good head teacher can do. The school is now significantly oversubcribed each year and, dare I say, the more parents who send their children to the school rather than educate privately the higher the standards cannot fail to become.
I really do feel for those parents who are unhappy with their upper school options and are desperate to find an alternative for their child but, of course, passing the 11+ does not mean the school of one's choice necessarily. All in all, we are happy with our lot and I will take this opportunity to wish everyone luck in their school allocations which are now just around the corner.
Kindest regards
Mummog x
