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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:35 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 374
Location: Bucks
I have a 10/11 year old DD. She is kind, funny, pretty, great company (all taken from her mother :lol: ), immature, can't keep a secret, not particular loyal (all taken from her father :wink: ).

In other words, I am quite realistic about her good and bad points....

But...her 'friends' are a nightmare....The wretched grammar school system (of which we are part) hasn't helped. Already those destined for 'the grammars' are one gang and those going elsewhere are another - horrid and I have made my point, (and to be fair, DD is trying to infiltrate both gangs) that friends now can still be friends for life.

But I have big kids and an almost teenage son and even they are amazed at the venom and awfulness of 10/11 year old girls in 2009. DD's life is currently a roller-coaster ride. A good day is 4/7 of the girls playing and talking together and a bad day is floods of tears as DD is picked up as the girls have all rowed all day and truly awful exchanges have taken place.

I appreciate they are practicing to be little ladies, hormones are rife in some, appearance is mega, lifestyle means many tell great big whoppers, but whilst I am trying to teach DD not to rally to the war cry, it seems some mothers send their children off in the morning saying 'go get 'em'.

Advice please from those with DD's who have survived this ghastly time - I am feeling slight weak and wheezy :evil:


Ambridge x


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:51 pm 
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Oh Ambridge, how I feel for you.

We have been going through this for the past year, ever since some ghastly new girl joined the school and upset the balance between the girls - there were previously 4 girls in the class there are now 5, and a horrid time of it they have had!!

We just seem to deal with it day to day and my dd is like yours, she tries to stay friends with everyone, but it's a pretty difficult job.

I don't think there is an easy answer to this one. I just try to mop the tears when she's been left out by either or both sides. Advise on which hairstyles suit her best and that she really DOES need to wear a bra and deodorant now, never mind what the other girls are doing.

If anyone does have some good tips I'd be most interested in them too.

Meanwhile ......................... here's the chocolates :)

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
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Location: East Kent
time seems to be the only cure....


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:06 pm 
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We found the end of Yr 6 quite tricky; once kids knew their respective destiny a number of issues arose.

Yr 7 was a new start and all is now well.

Time as Yoyo says is a good solution.

Regards
SVE

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:18 pm 
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ooo la la - try an all girls independent primary........ :oops:


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:31 pm 
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Location: london
hermanmunster wrote:
ooo la la - try an all girls independent primary........ :oops:

er...no thanks.. :?

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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 6:23 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:32 am
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Location: Herts
Ambridge, Yes, I echo every single thing you have said. I have two sons, who are breezing through life effortlessly, and a daughter, well what can I say, every day is trauma, friendships/or otherwise, enemies/arguments/battles/tears, where will it end? Year seven was definitely the worst for us, new school, battle lines drawn, cliques and gangs forming, DD now in year 9 and in all honesty, not much has changed :(


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 9:16 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:16 pm
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Hi all.
I am the mum of three girls :D
One is coming up for 14, one going to year 7 in Sept and one in infants.I love having all girls... yes really!
That said I have encountered some of the behaviour mentioned.
As regards ganging up into future secondary school groups, I would be inclined to have a quiet word with an appropriate teacher.Not to get anyone "told off" but that the school could help with this.Middle DD's school (ordinary little state primary) has been very good at this kind of thing.They will pull a whole group of kids out of class.(who have been involved in dramatic arguments)Then they genuinely talk it through.They get them to write each other's good points , to talk about how they could have handled situations differently etc etc.It really does resolve things.
I know not all schools are like this but they need to know that the impending school destinations are causing divisions.They could talk about it in class and monitor it.
As regards girly rowing in Primary school :( , it helps when it is at its worst for your daughter to go off and do something else entirely.DD1 used to sit under a tree with a book and when asked why used to say "I'm fed up with all the rowing and I am not getting involved".Nearly always another couple of girls would join and start making daisy chains , chatting etc The other girls soon realised she couldn't be drawn in.
DD2 goes and plays football with the boys when it all gets too much.
Again a word with the teacher can help, as she can talk to the girls as a whole, if it is escalating too much.

Secondary school is harder because my daughter would be rightly cross :twisted: if I went in to the teacher for anything other than something serious.
I have found that encouraging as wide a group of friends as poss helps.I hate sleepovers but we host a lot of them and when I sense some tension with her close inner circle, I ask a couple of girls round from outside that circle.That said I have had to deal with sobbing daughter along the lines of "Jane has ditched me" etc.It can be heartbreaking but keep on trying to keep the friendship net wide. I also find what seems like the "end of the world" for them soon becomes history.As someone said time works wonders.
It can't always be done but an alternate social scene helps too.My eldest has friends at church and my middle one through dancing.Sometimes it is worth encouraging these to give them a break from school friendship politics.
My worst period was with the eldest when we had to move in year six.There were four girls in two "couples" and no others.To cap it all a group of boys physically bullied her.
The reason I mention it is that this girl, who used to come out of that school looking like she was carrying the world on her shoulders ,is now a happy girl with genuine friends.
Secondary school is a clean slate.It may take them a while to find their real friends. Hence sobbing daughter in year 7 is now ,nearly two years on, and with her truly compatible friends.I know there will be other blips but if she has a wide group of friends ,she will get through the girly dramas.
Lastly, in defence of girls , it is their nature to want to form strong relationships and that's what makes this stage difficult. They want their friendships to be deep rooted.They don't want conversation on the level of " Did you see the game last night?" This trait of girls has its obvious and evident down sides ,but they are practising for later life when their female friendships and other relationships will be deeply important to them. They are "in the deep end " of relationships ,and all the struggles that brings ,much earlier in life than (most) boys.
I think girls are at these ages, from this mum's point of view, overly dramatic ,pouty and moody but also sensitive in a good way, empathetic, sympathetic ,thoughtful, affectionate, passionate about their beliefs and excellent company. 8)


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 9:28 am 
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Dear Ambridge

This brings back memories.

DD’s troubles started in yr5 and continued all through yr6. My worst memory being DD coming home the night before an 11+ exam in total disarray telling me she would never go back to school! At this point I did take some action after leaving it for some time for the girls to sort it out themselves.

I informed the head teacher and her form teacher and explained I would be keeping a record of every incident. This prompted action immediately at the school – change of desks, different activities during lunch time, extra discussion time for the children (PSHE – but that’s another topic!).

I did think of removing my DD but believed that this would just be the easy way out and in the long-term would not teach her the correct lesson. I encouraged her to make new friends inside and outside of school and play football with the boys at lunch time.

My DD did survive this year and did pass the 11+ and indie exams. She is now at grammar school and has made new friends. We still have problems every now again which I leave for her to sort out.

Chocolate, hugs and the Mama Mia (sing-a-long version) DVD also work well.
Hope this helps.


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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 10:11 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 374
Location: Bucks
Thank you for all your great replies - it is re-assuring (and sad) that my problem is shared by others too.

I suppose the problem is highlighted when you compare boys of the same age who fall out, fight, name call but 99 times out of 100 within 3 days at the most, it is sorted and normal service is resumed.

I appreciated the comments from the expert 'Chelmsford Mum' who explained that girls/women do look for more from a friendship (and relationships in general) and that is why they fall with such a crash when it goes wrong especially compared to boys.

Only a few more months and we can have a nice summer looking forward to a huge new circle of friends at DD's new school - loads of new names to row and sob over :lol:

Thanks again

Ambridge x


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