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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:07 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2009 7:26 pm
Posts: 11
Location: birmingham
Hi All

Firstly thanks to all the support i've had so far, its been great.my next issue is:

A 10 year old, i am helping her in homework as parents are not capable of doing so.That child once she goes home does not give any conside ration to my efforts and does not take responsilbity of doing her work or learning.She makes a fool of her mother(as she does not know English) and says oh yes i ahve done the work when she clearly has not.

I am at loggerheads as to how i can actually punish her.I am not into slapping and wont do that.how far can i go, waht tactics can i apply.she is past the naughty chair/corner stage.

on one hand the mother is desparate for me to help on the other, the child is in a way being rewarded regardless of what her attitude to studying is.Eg buying sweets/chocs on the way back from my house even when she has terribly failed to do her work.ASking her mum to buy her new schhol bags, fancy stationary regularly.At other times buys unnecesary stuff and blames it innocently on me that i asked her to get it.

Can you please gimme some tips as to how i can handle this and make the child take responsibilty of studying and working hard as her parents now want me to prepare her for the 11 plus!!!!!!!

Many Thnks in advance


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8113
sounds like you need to have a *chat* with the parents!
would have though that you need some sort of written record to go back and forth between you and the parents to show what has been done and what is expected of her - Do you speak / write the same language as her mother?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:35 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2009 7:26 pm
Posts: 11
Location: birmingham
thank u herman munster(hope i spelt it correctly)

the tragedy is that the father can speak, knows english but is too busy with his businness or socialising. the childern and their education is solely left to the mother.the reason why she wants her childern to be helped by me is that she knows herself what it is like not to have any education.she has come from abroad nad knows extremely little english.i have on occasions tried to explain to her what we have done and that its now the daughters res ponsibility to learn it, because she cant speak english she dont have a clue wot i am talking about.

for example take writing a story, she knows what a story is but thats how far i can go with the mother.she does not know what paragraphs, grammar, punctuation etc etc mean, So I cant pressurise her either! The children are taking full advantage of this situatiion and dspite her pleas and my praises etc do not recognise the value of education.
The kids are not getting any extra support from school either.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:43 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
Perhaps agree with the mother a goal/target that the daughter must work towards. It could be some sort of treat (that will inspire her to try).

You could suggest that there is a record kept each week of her effort/attainment. If you consider she has worked hard she gets a sticker/tick/point. Then all you need to do is agree how many she needs to achieve...perhaps five/ten?

Worth a try...good luck.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:50 pm 
What about giving her a reward at the end of each term based on performance and effort. In a 13 week term she is only allowed 3 dud weeks and anymore will be no reward. If after 4 consecutive weeks there is no improvement, show her what she would have got at the end of the term and if she looks upset that she has messed up then tell her if her attitude is impecable from now on she can still have that end of term treat.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:52 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 5:15 pm
Posts: 253
Location: Birmingham
Hi maximum... as dad is the only parent to speak English have you thought about getting his input? Perhaps for the duration of the 11+ he can forgo some of his socialising ( altho I appreciate his work commitments) and support his child?? It sounds like the children are running rings around their mum.

Perhaps draw up a wriiten agreement of what is expected of you and the child and get dad to read and maybe sign it.. at least expectations are then clearly laid out and there is a point of reference.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:55 pm 
To Maximum,

I have read your posts on the Birmingham forum and assume you will be targetting the KE grammars.

While I think it is very kind of you to help this girl, would she be able to cope at grammar school, should she be fortunate to win a place?

As a tutor, if I ever have children who just won't do the work (which is very rare), I usually suggest to the parent that KE may not be the right environment for the child ( unless the child happens to be very bright but lazy). It is more than just getting them in--it is believing they can cope when they get there.

While there is some exaggeration about the amount of homework that is given at some of the grammar schools, it is still a substantial amount and I know my own daughter has to work hard just to be average.

I think you have been given a rather thankless task. It is my experience that, without support from the parents, it is exceedingly difficult to operate. In fact, I'd say my parents' attitude contributes a great deal to success or failure of the child.

Please do not put yourself through too much anguish over this.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:17 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:09 pm
Posts: 379
Location: groombridge, e.sussex
Perhaps there should be a deadline for an improvement inbehaviour, agreed between you all. At the moment there is a lot of time and effort (and Money?) being wasted on a child who is showing no inclination to learn. There is obviously a problem communicating with the parents so maybe you could call upon a friend or teacher for some support?


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:55 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:31 pm
Posts: 1192
I agree with fm; seems like a hopeless cause.

Your only avenue seems to be the Dad for now.

Only my 2p worth,

Regards
SVE

_________________
Animis opibusque parati


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:27 pm 
Maximum, she doesn't sound like the kind of girl any of the KE schools would welcome - apart from her laziness she doesn't seem to have much idea of honest behaviour. If I were you I would tell the parents you can't do much with her given her unfortunate attitude, and focus your efforts on a more deserving child.


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