Another of my random questions

Rugbymum · Post by **Rugbymum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:47 pm

It is difficult...I personally would be wary simply cos of recent attempted abductions...the fact that these children had back up nearby (e/g other children) meant that these failed.

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:48 pm

Ed's mum wrote: My worry would be the sorts of dangers that your daughter cannot control.

My worry also is how you would feel if something did happen.

I do know what you mean and I have thought about just that tonight.At the risk of being very morbid...
I have a friend who works with offenders of the worst kind, every parent's nightmare .He is a Police Officer.He reminds me that child abductions have not increased in the last 50 years.The publicity around them has.
Such cases are rare but terrifying but , being truly morbid, they can happen on school journeys home as much as her journey tonight.I think whatever the circumstances of such an horrific incident, the parental reaction would be to blame oneself to some extent anyway.
Should we live our lives in fear? Am I increasing her risks by allowing her to take a short walk after 4.30 or should I be preparing her for life as a young woman when she will surely be on public transport walking etc after 4 .30.
Its a morbid subject and I apologise for naming it but that was what was worrying the other mum and has subsequently been worrying me....

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:51 pm

Rugbymum wrote:It is difficult...I personally would be wary simply cos of recent attempted abductions...the fact that these children had back up nearby (e/g other children) meant that these failed.

I don't know your children's ages or genders etc or their school journeys.Would you not allow them out after say 4.15 in Winter .Or Summer? Just interested to know what everyone else does....

Ed's mum · Post by **Ed's mum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:55 pm

Probably your daughter would be fine each time. The trouble is that we just don't know.

I sometimes wonder how many times (if ever) I have had a close shave without realising it. Have I ever been near someone who is unstable enough to hurt me in the right circumastances (for example).I just don't know.

I'm sorry that you've been forced to consider these sorts of things. I had also heard that the incidence had not increased, merely the publicityx

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:58 pm

Ed's mum wrote:Probably your daughter would be fine each time. The trouble is that we just don't know.

I sometimes wonder how many times (if ever) I have had a close shave without realising it. Have I ever been near someone who is unstable enough to hurt me in the right circumastances (for example).I just don't know.

I'm sorry that you've been forced to consider these sorts of things. I had also heard that the incidence had not increased, merely the publicityx

I know...and it is such a horrible thought

Do we change our behaviour then in line with our increased awareness of the risks? Do I say to her no tea dates until spring.And really....if someone is predatory the light will be no barrier to them.
Its all sooo horrible

I have 3 girls.Do people worry about boys as much?

Ed's mum · Post by **Ed's mum** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:03 pm

I just don't know sweetie. I suppose that's the issue.

When my children were younger I used to let them have some freedom around our small village. I was mortified when a villager knocked on our door and suggested that they were too young to be out...

KES Parent · Post by **KES Parent** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:14 pm

Chelmsford mum wrote: I have 3 girls.Do people worry about boys as much?

Yes, and what is worse the anxiety doesn't decrease as they get older, it's just that you have less control over what they are doing. That's why it's vital to let them spread their wings in small ways to start with, otherwise they never learn to judge the risks for themselves.

chad · Post by **chad** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:15 pm

Oh yes......I certainly worry about my boy. That said...he has been walking to his Nan's house since he was 9, even in the dark. Approx 10-15 mins walk (he usually takes 20 mins). Phoned her when he left home.... phoned me when he got there... was told that if he was unsure of any situation then go to nearest port of call.
I have lived in the same large village for close on 30 years so he knows at least 5 people living on route. I think this is why he was given more independence earlier than some (going to the rec, shops etc)... he was usually only 2 mins away from help if there was a problem.
I think it depends on how well you and they know the area, how confident the child is, how good you are at not showing how anxious it makes you...etc
Every situation and child is different but I would hope that my ds would be able to make the correct decisions in an 'iffy' situation because of the experiences he has had.
At the time I had some friends saying I was a 'cotton wool' mother and others despairing at the independence I let him have.

Everyone has their own opinion...and you can only do what is right for your family.

mystery · Post by **mystery** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:15 pm

Well I would have done that kind of walk at that age, and I don't think the risks have changed, just people's attitudes to walking, particularly in the south-east. The sad thing is, if more people walked be (or feel) safer.

Is she any less safe doing that kind of walk at age 11 or 12 than at 18 or 19 say?

Marylou · Post by **Marylou** » Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:25 pm

mad? wrote:
On a similar vein...how old do DC have to be before they are left on their own in the house, for how long and under what circumstances?

I believe there is no legal age as such, but if a child under the age of 16 suffers harm as a result of being left alone, the person responsible for them could be prosecuted. In practice however, as with the "walking home alone" dilemma (which, incidentally, rarely confronts us as we live in a small village and have to drive our kids everywhere

) I think it depends so much on the individual child and the circumstances, with gut instinct playing a large part. With a larger than average family, I expect my children to develop a fair degree of independence at an early age and this inevitably means needing them to manage at home alone for short spells once I think they are capable. There is really no need for every child to be carted here, there and everywhere just because one of them has an activity! And there is a distinction to be drawn between looking after themselves and being responsible for a younger sibling - a child might be capable of the first, but not the second for a long time afterwards.

So to reply to the original post by CM, only you know your child and your area and can decide whether or not it's safe. We all carry out our own internal "risk assessment" for situation such as this. It's as well to be aware of the dangers, but these should always be offset against the need for children to develop their own risk awareness.