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 Post subject: Confidence building
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 12:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 188
Location: High Wycombe
Has anyone got any ideas as to how I can help my DD get more confident academically? We have just started going through the types of questions that the exam will have in and looking at ways of working them out. She gets the idea really quickly and will rush through (correctly) some questions and then suddenly goes "I don't know what I'm doing here, I don't understand any of it". When I point out that she has just done a load brilliantly, she won't accept it. She is also suffering from a real crisis of confidence at school. Her recent assessment in maths really surprised the teacher as it didn't reflect any progress, despite her making good progress in her classwork. It seems that test situations (real or otherwise) make her go "I can't do this".
This is a new one to me as I coached my DS and he was really confident the whole time.
Thanks in advance. :?


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 Post subject: Any help please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:37 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 188
Location: High Wycombe
Had DD in tears last night telling me she is no good at anything. She seems to have really low self esteem. Any suggestions of help would be grateful. :(


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 12:16 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8119
Hi MrsChubbs

This is difficult and I am sure someone else will be able to advise who knows more about teaching kids than me!

Just a question though - do your DD and DS get on? Ours do very well and sometimes when DD is in "flap flap flap - I can't do it mode" the only person who can sort it and find a way to help with the work is DS.

Good luck!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:03 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:09 pm
Posts: 69
Location: Gloucestershire
I have a similar problem with my DS. He has v low self-esteem. Although he is bright, he's not as obviously bright as his older sister who is multi-talented. He often says "I'm sorry I'm rubbish" and won't accept that he's really doing very well. I am also worried that he will collapse under exam pressure because he even goes to pieces under time pressure in his beloved computer games. I look on this as an opportunity though: I feel if we can get to grips with the computer games thing, we may be able to move the lessons from that into academic work. I've asked his Dad to help with this end of things as it's definitely outside my area of expertise! We want to help him find something he can excel at, but he's really not found anything he loves yet and we've tried quite a few interests/hobbies... I haven't given up yet!

I also thought, although I prefer to DIY, that I might engage a tutor nearer the time so it's not just mum doing the performance management. But he's only in Y4 and has a lot of developing to do yet, so we'll assess as we go.

I hope someone can be more help -- because I'd love some ideas too...

Red


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:05 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:10 pm
Posts: 8208
Location: Buckinghamshire
I suggested to Mrs Chubbs that I should move this thread from Bucks in the hope that more people will read it, so come on people - get answering please!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:16 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 20, 2008 4:43 pm
Posts: 22
Location: Bucks
I have exactly the same with my DD - she is bright, not terribly confident & her teacher & I are now doing our best to make her realise that she CAN do this. I am sitting with her more for reading (with lots of encouragement) and giving lots of praise. DS is a pain (he got full marks last year) and when they are fighting he knows how to upset her (along the "stupid" lines).
As encouraging as I have been & will be, I am worried that her lack of self belief will let her down - she gives up too easily on questions & is taking too long on everything (general homework as well as VR stuff). I keep saying to her "you can do this, you are clever but don't let yourself down by not trying".
Goodness this year is going to be tough!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 6257
Hi there, how far off the exams are you. DS1 had complete crisis of confidence in Maths. He is very bright but is in an exceptional year..... I think you know the situation - he would flap and tell you 2+2 = 15!!. We had him tutored outside of school by a lovely lady who just built his confidence up and up and up until he believed in himself - she consolidated what he had done in class and made him realise he did know it and could do it. He has just flown through his 11+ surprising everybody and as he said himself "I knew I could do it". Confidence in his own ability also speeded him up!

Moral of story - find someone your DC clicks with (tutor, grandparent, teacher etc) who they believe when they say "you can do it". I know this person wasn't me - we have a great relationship but he needed to hear it from an outsider.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 188
Location: High Wycombe
Glad to hear that I'm not the only one! Bellybops - sounds like a carbon copy of our house! DS started at grammar in Sept and although he doesn't crow over his sister, it is very obvious that he is loving the whole experience and pressure etc.
DD is in year 5 and I think it is the maths that influencing everything. She has always been oblivious to competition and a very happy go lucky self contained little girl. It is just recently she seems to have started comparing herself to how she is doing against others. Her times tables and mental maths are brilliant. She just lacks the confidence to apply it.
Thanks for the suggestion about someone else to help her. I'll have a think to see if there is anyone who she might take some help from. :)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:44 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 6257
This sounds so familiar I do feel for you - but I am sure that it is solveable.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Posts: 188
Location: High Wycombe
Hi Doodles
Thanks for the support. Are you in Bucks because the lady who helped your son sounds great?
Thanks


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