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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:39 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:04 pm
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My DC has secured a place at our first choice school. People keep asking me if and what have I given as a present. I had given a present at the end of all the 11 plus exams. I thought I should reward effort irrespective of the outcome. But now I get the feeling that people think I'm not rewarding my DC or am being tight fisted. I could give a present but I hadn't done so with my older DC who also got one at the end of the exam process and not at the allocation date. So, if I give one to the younger child I feel that would be unfair to the older sibling. Any thoughts?


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:45 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:20 pm
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Yes - don't do it!!

You have given once, on equal terms, to bother your children. Do not be made to feel guilty because other parents are doing differently to you. that's their choice and this is yours.

The boys know your not 'tight fisted' and they know they've been lucky in all respects (passing the 11+, getting a pressie and then getting their school of choice). There is absolutely no need for you to do this as well.

Buy them an ice-cream in the summer, they'll love you just as much for it :D :D :D

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:50 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:40 pm
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Had the same pressure - pointed out that I rewarded effort after 11+ handsomely and that no further gifts would follow. I did however buy all the dc some sweets to celebrate!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:09 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 3:43 pm
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Location: Twells
We rewarded after 11+ result, then all went out for a family meal to celebrate the allocation.

Edit: The child in question got to choose the restaurant!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
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no! you do what you do, not what other ghastly parents say!! It also suggests that the children who didn't get in are lesser and of course they're not!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:41 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
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Location: Berkshire
We always rewarded effort not result, and just as well :lol:
Same with GCSEs etc...the end result is not the imprtant thing, in my view (although of course it is) but it is getting the child to that end that is important - imagine not passing and then not getting the present? A double whammy I think :shock:


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:42 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:09 am
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I agree with all the above.

Your DC worked hard for the 11+ and got rewarded with a present then and the choice of his first school now.
We went out for a celebratory meal, but that's mainly as I use any excuse to avoid cooking :lol:


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 12:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:51 pm
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It didn't even occur to me to get DC present for gaining school choice (not that we've got our first choice yet). Am sure DC would think it strange too.
I agree with others on a present for work done for 11+ (which we did). If feeling in celebratory mood as result of getting first choice then a meal out or some such collective treat seems more appropriate.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 12:52 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:59 am
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Just another voice agreeing with all the above - I really don't think it gives a good message to reward again, once the effort has been rewarded. As Milla says, it suggests that less successful (on that measure) children are less worthy, when often actually the reverse is true in absolute terms. We love family celebrations, and can usually find something which every child has done which deserves a mention.

It's like the '£100 for every GCSE A*' thing - talk about pressure - as if most kids aren't going to try their damndest to get good grades anyway. I really wish there were a few more rewards around for being a nice kid, being kind, having good manners etc. And don't even get me started on school prizes...

Grrr - one of my neighbours has a bonfire and my washing is out. Harrumph.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2010 1:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:55 pm
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Location: London
We have always taught our children that getting a good mark in an exam or music grade is the reward for all their hard work. We have never given them money or gifts as a reward.

Partly it's the principle and partly it's because with 3 we can't afford to reward every music grade (two instruments each) good report or exam mark. And once you do it for one, you have to do it for the others. And if you haven't in the past, it's not fair.

If we do want to acknowledge a special acheivement, we go out for a family meal.

However it's hard for them when they see friends being given stuff.


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