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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:48 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:27 pm
Posts: 8
Hi All,
A long message – looking for some guidance and advice. Thanks in advance!

My DS is 11 yrs old. In Sept 2009 our house was burgled while we were sleeping in the house, so DS moved into our bedroom – DH went to a spare room (as we can only fit in 2).
Because we had the 11+ ahead of us we kept this arrangement for several months (actually until Mar 2010). However, (back to Sept/Oct) DS got worse and would wake up during the night shouting. I put it down to combination of burglary and 11+ stress. Needless to say that everyone at home thought i should stop the whole 11+ thing – but i could not and kept going.
Situation continued: DS slept in my room; I went to sleep the same time as him as he was anxious if not; DS would still wake up a few times during the night screaming “mumâ€


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:05 am
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Sounds like your DS is finding it really hard to break the habit after so long and esp after such trauma - I really do think a visit to your GP is best :?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:55 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:20 pm
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Yep, I agree, time for professional help I think.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
Welcome to the forum.

It's sounds like you've been through a really tough time. Being burgled whilst in the house would be horrendous for adults let alone children. I can totally understand his fear - I think I would feel the same. However, probability says that it is unlikely to happen a second time.

I do actually think that you need some professional help. I cannot think why a child would receive any kind of label. It was a traumatic incident which coincided with a traumatic time - build up to the 11+. I think that because it is important to crack bedtimes, it is important that you get some proper advice asap.

I applaud you and your husband for everything that you have done for your son. What caring parents you must be!

All the very best to you and your son.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:20 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 18, 2009 11:42 pm
Posts: 186
We had exactly the same problem with our DS a couple of years ago but not for the same reason, which I'm very sorry to hear you've suffered, it's an absolute nightmare of millions of people having a burglary :( .
The cause of our son's problem was night terrors, we went every single night without fail of 2-3 epsiodes, with at least 1 of them with him uncontrollable. His mission was nearly always the same thing, a desperate attempt to leave the house. It meant that I would have to sit up until around 1/2 in the morning until it was definitely over, then I could go to bed, I had a small baby & was working & so became extremely exhausted.
I eventually gave in & took him to the GP who was incredibly understanding. He gave us some sleeping medicine which I immediately panicked about but after he explained how to use it I felt a little better. What happened is we used the medicine for 3 nights which led to 3 very peaceful nights, then as advised this was enough but DS was convinced he'd have another bad night, but he slept right through again. The next night nothing was needed & he's been almost night terror free ever since.
The medicine is supposed to regulate any childs sleep pattern within 3 days, therefore I didnt feel too bad using it for only 3 days.
Whatever the GP would recommend, whether it's by medicine or by help talking to somebody, there is no shame whatsoever.
All the very best & I hope something works for you very soon.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:45 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
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that sounds like a good solution - at its most basic it's a habit which needs breaking, for all your sakes.
My commiserations about the burglary. Having been burgled (when not in the house) I can only imagine what it was like. :cry:


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:40 pm
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Location: surrey
A terrible time you've had - but I agree that it is now time to get some professional help - maybe in the way of counselling through the GP -the idea of waking up and realising you've been burgled is horrific and the trauma must be very deep in your son.
I hope you manage to help him and again I echo the thoughts that there is nothing wrong in seeking help from a doctor, you have tried long and hard yourself, but he perhaps needs to talk to someone out of the situation.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:03 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:09 am
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I feel so sorry for you, it must be such a distressing time.

We had a bout of this when my son was about 3, he'd been to a firework display which really frightened him and I had about two weeks of doing the thing where you sit by their bed until they fall asleep the first night and then each following night move further away until you are outside the door. Luckily for us it worked, but he was only three.

Like others have said it has probably now become a habit, not that he can help it, along with the fear. Like the others have said, I think a trip to the GP would be really worthwile. Alternatively, if you really don't feel that you can approach your GP, and I probably shouldn't advise this, but can you try giving him one of the cold remedies that helps you sleep. It might be enough if he has one good night's sleep for him to realise that he can actually do it.

Good luck.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:05 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:45 pm
Posts: 314
Hi,

I think this is a truly awful situation but I would try and seperate it into
a) the burglary - what are his concerns now ? have you changed your security ? could you contact Victim support ? Community police or PSCO for some support they would normally be happy to chat to your son regarding this.
b) His sleeping which he now relies on you for his security 3 weeksish although feels like a long time actually isn't .Could you give him some basic relaxation techniques for him to use by himself when he wakes or a listen to book these are just to distract him from the " moment "

I actually think a trip to the GP is very worthwhile and your DS should not in any way feel " labelled " and the idea of a sleeping tablet possibly worth exploring.

I do think you should stay with it ( very easy to say ) but appreciate how difficult this is in practise as your goal is for him to sleep independently.

Wishing you the best.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
Gosh, I really feel for you, what a terrible thing to have happened, and the consequences for your son have been truly awful. I think the GP + sleeping tablet for a very short time are a good idea, but also he may need some kind of trauma counselling. I'm not sure what is on offer, but I'm sure he would really benefit.
I imagine it is a cycle - lack of sleep making him worry more leading to more lack of sleep etc. So breaking that cycle would be great, a well rested young lad may lead to his worries diminishing? Not being a doctor, I'm not sure, but the one thing I'm certain of is that no label would be attached to him.
I'm sure many adults facing the same would need some help from their GP to come to terms with what has happened, never mind a small child.
Good luck, and I hope things settle down soon.


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