Sleeping problems with 11 yr old DS - all advice welcome
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mummytroubles
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:43 pm
- Location: England
I would just add one thing to the mix. My son is in Yr7 at GS and in retrospect I think I totally underestimated how much he buried his anxiety about going to a new school from March of Yr 6 onwards once it became a reality. I think for parents the 11 plus and allocation day is the end of all the stress whereas for some of our DC it is only the beginning - they are trying to envisage a whole new grown up world that they are sometimes unable to deal with until it becomes a reality in September. I know my DS had loads of nightmares in the summer term of YR6 and only when he went to induction day did the new school become a reality that he could envisage and therefore deal with. You may find your DS is much more settled once he's in his new Yr7 and also you will be amazed at how much he grows up during that first term.
I apologise for not keeping you all updated. I have often wanted to - but equally didn't want to bubble up this topic to the beginning as there hasn't been any major break through. Here is a quick summary:
1. I made and cancelled 3 GP appointments (due to my very stupid paranoia that DS may end up with months/years of psycological analysis etc.)
2. I tried Medised which claimed to "aid sleeping" - just for 2 days and it didnt work really
3. Last week my husband moved into DS's room and is camping on the floor with the door locked (as DS walk straight out sometimes - close to the stairs)
This has helped in general. He does wake up with a scream one time a night. Some days - when we have a later night than normal - he plays up again. But generally seems to be "ok".
I hope you are not all disappointed that I have not yet been to see the GP. We are going to see how the moving in to son's room works.
Thanks again for all the kind words and helps via postings and PM.
1. I made and cancelled 3 GP appointments (due to my very stupid paranoia that DS may end up with months/years of psycological analysis etc.)
2. I tried Medised which claimed to "aid sleeping" - just for 2 days and it didnt work really
3. Last week my husband moved into DS's room and is camping on the floor with the door locked (as DS walk straight out sometimes - close to the stairs)
This has helped in general. He does wake up with a scream one time a night. Some days - when we have a later night than normal - he plays up again. But generally seems to be "ok".
I hope you are not all disappointed that I have not yet been to see the GP. We are going to see how the moving in to son's room works.
Thanks again for all the kind words and helps via postings and PM.
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Charlotte67
- Posts: 893
- Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:59 am
- Location: Cloud 9
Hi Guest 321 - sorry I've come to this thread so late. I have no answers but can share our experience, which might help you to feel more 'normal'!
My son has had fear problems from the age of (about) 5, when we moved to an old, remote and run-down house, which had been vacant for some time. From that day he would not be upstairs or downstairs on his own. While we were living at this house he shared a room with his sister and had no night/sleeping issues. Three years ago we moved to our current house - I was hoping that he would get over the upstairs/downstairs thing at the new house, but no. It sounds no big deal, but believe me, over time it becomes incredibly annoying and inconvenient!
At the new house he has his own room - and this is when the night time issues began... (I think it may also have been made worse by watching his 1st and last episode of Dr Who). He very, very rarely sleeps in his own room, preferring to sleep on the floor beside our bed. At 11 1/2 and 5'2" he is now far too big to sleep in with us. He will sometimes start in his room but almost always come in to us at some time in the early hours. He never sleeps well and spends a lot of time exhausted. We have tried being (very) firm, staying with him, etc but nothing seems to work. When things are particularly bad he sleepwalks & talks; often sitting bolt upright and shouting at something. The sleepwalking episodes can be quite worrying as I imagine him going out of a window or something. My husband & I were watching telly late one evening when our son came charging in hunting for someone - he was coherent and appeared wide awake - however, was obviously acting out a dream.
This time last year I took him to the GP, who was extremely sympathetic and referred him to some kind of therapist. He suggested that, while waiting for the appointment, we write lists of things that scare him. We're still waiting...
The GP did not suggest any sleeping pills. We now have a permanent camp bed in our room and a very long list of scary things. We've learned to cope, although we do sometimes lose patience and have to remind ourselves that he can't help it. We have a dog (and have had one since before this all started), which does help a little - he still won't be upstairs on his own but is OK downstairs as long as the dog is with him.
Interestingly, he was a wonderfully well-behaved baby - sleeping through the night (and most of the day) in his own room.
I wish you all the best with your son - I'm sure there are many like ours - and I will be thinking of you in the wee small hours. I'm sure they will grow out of it - I really can't imagine his stubbly 17 year old face peering up at me from his camp bed!
Hang on in there - you're not alone.
Charlotte
My son has had fear problems from the age of (about) 5, when we moved to an old, remote and run-down house, which had been vacant for some time. From that day he would not be upstairs or downstairs on his own. While we were living at this house he shared a room with his sister and had no night/sleeping issues. Three years ago we moved to our current house - I was hoping that he would get over the upstairs/downstairs thing at the new house, but no. It sounds no big deal, but believe me, over time it becomes incredibly annoying and inconvenient!
At the new house he has his own room - and this is when the night time issues began... (I think it may also have been made worse by watching his 1st and last episode of Dr Who). He very, very rarely sleeps in his own room, preferring to sleep on the floor beside our bed. At 11 1/2 and 5'2" he is now far too big to sleep in with us. He will sometimes start in his room but almost always come in to us at some time in the early hours. He never sleeps well and spends a lot of time exhausted. We have tried being (very) firm, staying with him, etc but nothing seems to work. When things are particularly bad he sleepwalks & talks; often sitting bolt upright and shouting at something. The sleepwalking episodes can be quite worrying as I imagine him going out of a window or something. My husband & I were watching telly late one evening when our son came charging in hunting for someone - he was coherent and appeared wide awake - however, was obviously acting out a dream.
This time last year I took him to the GP, who was extremely sympathetic and referred him to some kind of therapist. He suggested that, while waiting for the appointment, we write lists of things that scare him. We're still waiting...
The GP did not suggest any sleeping pills. We now have a permanent camp bed in our room and a very long list of scary things. We've learned to cope, although we do sometimes lose patience and have to remind ourselves that he can't help it. We have a dog (and have had one since before this all started), which does help a little - he still won't be upstairs on his own but is OK downstairs as long as the dog is with him.
Interestingly, he was a wonderfully well-behaved baby - sleeping through the night (and most of the day) in his own room.
I wish you all the best with your son - I'm sure there are many like ours - and I will be thinking of you in the wee small hours. I'm sure they will grow out of it - I really can't imagine his stubbly 17 year old face peering up at me from his camp bed!
Hang on in there - you're not alone.
Charlotte
Im just wondering if there are any confidential support group/helplines about that could provide professional help/advice?
I do understand your point about not wanting to the GP - & it seems like they may not be able to provide much anyway - but also it does sound like Charlotte & Guest could do with some help from somewher as the problem must be very disruptive for the whole family. and potentially could take years for the DCs to 'grow out of'.
I will ask around - anyone 'out there' got any ideas about help lines?
I do understand your point about not wanting to the GP - & it seems like they may not be able to provide much anyway - but also it does sound like Charlotte & Guest could do with some help from somewher as the problem must be very disruptive for the whole family. and potentially could take years for the DCs to 'grow out of'.
I will ask around - anyone 'out there' got any ideas about help lines?
Sleeping problems with 11 yr old DS - all advice welcome
So sorry for you all. Like some others here, I can only suggest you seek your doctors advice here, as it stands now, your DS has a temporary anxiety due to a recent traumatic event - which is perfectly understandable. As your son is under 12, I would be loath to suggest any over the counter meds - no matter how "natural" they may seem...
Other than that, though - rather than have DS get too used to sleeping in your room, I was going to suggest easing him back into his own room - with you or DH sharing with him until he feels more settled - but I see you are trying that now...
Does he feel safe at home during the day? Would it help to strike up a routine, before you all settle in for evening say, of letting him help you in checking doors, etc secure before drawing curtains? (Hope I'm making sense)? Easier said than done, I know - but I wish you all well. M xx
Other than that, though - rather than have DS get too used to sleeping in your room, I was going to suggest easing him back into his own room - with you or DH sharing with him until he feels more settled - but I see you are trying that now...
Does he feel safe at home during the day? Would it help to strike up a routine, before you all settle in for evening say, of letting him help you in checking doors, etc secure before drawing curtains? (Hope I'm making sense)? Easier said than done, I know - but I wish you all well. M xx
Hi Guest321
I can totally sympathise, disrupted sleep is exhausting for all the family. My husband took his own life 4 years ago, my DD was 6, DS 2. I had very similar experiences with DD for at least 6-7 months after his death. I didn't go to the Dr's about it, but did get fantastic support from Winston's Wish. My DS was too young to truly understand at the time, but now he has bouts of difficulty in sleeping, usually a couple of times a month.
It does seem to coincide with other things going on in their lives, I'd ask his teacher if everything is ok at school.
Winston's Wish taught my DD this trick for reducing worries. Get a bag, let the him decorate it anyway he likes. Then he can write down on individual pieces of paper something that worries him. He then can place each worry in the bag, that way the worries are transferred to the bag and he doesn't need to carry them around with him.
Yes they're still there but they're not weighing him down, it sounds a bit daft, but it helped my DD!
Good luck, he will get through it and so will you.
I can totally sympathise, disrupted sleep is exhausting for all the family. My husband took his own life 4 years ago, my DD was 6, DS 2. I had very similar experiences with DD for at least 6-7 months after his death. I didn't go to the Dr's about it, but did get fantastic support from Winston's Wish. My DS was too young to truly understand at the time, but now he has bouts of difficulty in sleeping, usually a couple of times a month.
It does seem to coincide with other things going on in their lives, I'd ask his teacher if everything is ok at school.
Winston's Wish taught my DD this trick for reducing worries. Get a bag, let the him decorate it anyway he likes. Then he can write down on individual pieces of paper something that worries him. He then can place each worry in the bag, that way the worries are transferred to the bag and he doesn't need to carry them around with him.
Yes they're still there but they're not weighing him down, it sounds a bit daft, but it helped my DD!
Good luck, he will get through it and so will you.
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Chelmsford mum
- Posts: 2113
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:16 pm
