Prioritise the younger sibling?

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon May 03, 2010 10:16 am

I am in a quandry at the moment. Quel surprise!

We have found a senior school for DS2 that he desperately wants to go to and we are very happy with. It is not the same as his brother's school, which ideally we would rather he went to, but it is equally good and we would not feel it was second best in any way - potentially it even has a few more pros in some areas. The problem is that although DS would thrive there it is oversubscribed so would be difficult to get into. Although they deny having a sibling policy the impression they have given me is that if DS1 went there then DS2 would more than likely get in. This is not the case for DS1's school which is increasingly hard to get into and has no sibling policy. In fact we know of bright siblings who have not got in and we are at a loss to see why.

So my question is - should we try and get DS1 into DS2's choice school so DS2 is basically guaranteed a place. There really is very little to distinguish between the two in all honesty apart from the fact that we have had our hopes set on DS1's school for years. DS1 is not happy at the thought of going to any school other than the one he thinks he's going to and would be appalled if he thought the reason for the change of plan would be to help his brother out.

Our decision has to be made soon as the test for this school is in the next academic year for DS1.

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Mon May 03, 2010 10:49 am

Looking for help · Post by **Looking for help** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:01 am

Tricky one...but for me the overriding factor would be to have the two children at the same school. Being part of two senior schools is very difficult as we are finding at the moment, with older one doing drama and needing picking up at all sorts of times in the evenings, and younger one rehearsing for school show after school and doing music lessons etc, and so needing picked up also. It is driving us completely scatty. Although perhaps your choices are boarding so that would make a difference to that side of things. The other thing to think about is whether they would prefer to be together or if that doesn't really matter. Mine fight like cat and dog, but were devestated to not be at the same schools

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:05 am

DS1 's choice of school ( re Tipsy) is boarding and the other option could be (I think) ,so not such an issue.I agree with you LFH that when we are talking about day schools then having children at the same school really helps.
I was being slightly fippant

with my short reply but overall I get the impression that Tipsy's eldest, from what she has posted, needs lots of academic stimulation and therefore she will only have peace of mind with the initial choice. Just my opinion of course....

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:08 am

I want them to be together but more so I don't want DS2 to end up at a perceived mediocre school compared to his brother and this may happen if he doesn't get into the school he now wants to go to.

Looking for help · Post by **Looking for help** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:13 am

Hmmm interesting...we are in that position , the last is at a mediocre (comparatively) school compared to his brother and sisters. The problem is we didn't see it in advance of it happening, I guess you are in the fortunate position of being aware with time to do something about it, so that's good

Hey, if we had all the answers to all the questions, this parent business would be no fun

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:26 am

T.i.p.s.y wrote:I don't want DS2 to end up at a perceived mediocre school compared to his brother and this may happen if he doesn't get into the school he now wants to go to.

"perceived mediocre school". Tipsy if we are talking about the school for DS1 that I think we are, everything else will be perceived as mediocre by those who inhabit that setting.
Your Ds2 will not be going to a truly mediocre school at all.It would still be considered an excellent school.
I don't think you will ever feel restful about it if you don't let your eldest try for his first choice.You have been thinking of it and hoping for it for so long and see it as the best the indep system has to offer - don't you? You will always wonder "what if ?"
They are different boys with different personalities.You are fortunate enough to have lots of good choices.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon May 03, 2010 11:54 am

CM, I do take your point but I think this school is on a equal par to the other school - slightly different but as prestigious. We are very fortunate to have good choices especially as many have limited choices but like LFH there must be parents in a similar situation who would choose to send the older sibling to a good comp instead of the GS to secure a sibling policy place for their other children.

LFH, I get the impression though that you wouldn't have done this with your kids.

Looking for help · Post by **Looking for help** » Mon May 03, 2010 12:06 pm

The school my youngest is at is good enough, he's doing very well, but to be perfectly honest I wish that I had not gone down the GS route with my older ones, given the situation we are in now. Education is a wonderful thing, but you have to put it in perspective, and I am not of the camp that thinks one school suits a particular child because of personality, and another school for another child, if you see what I mean. I would prefer to give all my children the exact same choices and chances in life, and feel absolutely gutted to be honest that we haven't been able to do that. I don't want them coming back to me later and saying 'You did this for her, why not me ' - although in this particular case, that will not happen because he knows we did all we could for him.

T.i.p.s.y · Post by **T.i.p.s.y** » Mon May 03, 2010 12:15 pm

This is how I feel at the moment LFH but OH disagrees!